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Raging

Dc3sc2's picture
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My house is a complete state right now because I refuse to clean up after skids and my partner. There is spaghetti on the floor and cheese on the table from 1 sd, empty wrappers from the other who is still awake on her phone/iPad wandering round the house while her dads snoring obviously couldn't be bothered taking them off her before he went to bed. Nor did either of the skids brush their teeth or get washed before bed. Sd12 came here with the greasiest hair I've ever seen. And I honestly have no idea what bm was doing when she got sd9s hair cut she looks awful. None of the dinner dishes managed to reach the dishwasher (like it's hard to put your plate in when your finished it's less than a meter away from where you left them) there's a weeks worth of dirty socks piled by the front door that my partner takes off when he gets in from work then he walks right to where we keep our laundry basket to make a cup of tea. 1 sd shoes are right in front of front door when the cupboard for shoes is less than a foot away. Clothes I asked to be moved last week are still festering in sd12s room there's 3 weeks worth of her clothes there. The list goes on but your probably bored now. And I'm absolutely raging. I want it clean how do you shut off to this stuff? I have 3 bios that my partner parents better (not his kids) he will tell them to clean up after themselves get a bath brush their teeth take electronics off them before bed complain about the state of their bedrooms (they're kids so I know you have to be on at them a lot) bios will do a lot independently like after dinner they go for a bath/shower when I say it's bedtime they bring me their electronics and go brush their teeth. I don't need to tell them all the time. I am trying really hard to disengage and will mention things to my partner and he will then tell the skids but he notices just fine when it's my bios that haven't done something or need to do something.  I'm currently sat in my absolute pig sty of a kitchen wanting to clean it but stopping myself. Does anyone else have this situation? 

Winterglow's picture

Sign up with a cleaning service and charge it to your DuH. It's surprising how quickly they notice the mess when it's hitting them in the wallet.

Cover1W's picture

You know what I did?

Cleaned the kitchen. All items left by others were put into donation (I really did!), thrown away, or put into storage. Because obviously no one cared or wanted them.

Personal items left more than 24 hours in shared space? Same treatment.

Rooms...ignored unless there was rotten food or things that could mold or that I could smell from the hallway with the door closed. Threat of bugs/rodent infestation? Same as above.

I simply didn't care at that point. DH had failed in this area and I was not going to live like that. Repurcussion, sure. DH tried making excuses, but nothing changed. I pay half the mortgage, and do majority of cleaning, house repairs, and arrangements for house repairs. I got the call. It worked.

Oh, we have a housecleaning now every other month and DH pays a larger %.

Dc3sc2's picture

Their messes are usually shared things or rubbish. They don't leave their things out just rubbish or plates or leave food mess like because it's in the kitchen it's my responsibility to clean it all. Mess is still there today hopefully someone will clean it before tonight and they don't have any plates for dinner. 

tog redux's picture

So here's what I'd do:

Close the bedroom doors, don't care about what's going on in there. They can do their own laundry, 9 and 12 is plenty old enough.  The bedrooms are their problem. Go in every now and then and remove any plates or food or things that can smell and grow.

Tell your husband to come pick up his socks and put them in the hamper. Tell your SDs to pick up their shoes and clean up their mess at the table.

I did not parent my SS, but I had no problem telling him to pick up after himself.  BUT, my DH would have made him do what I asked, so if yours won't, it won't work.

Survivingstephell's picture

Leave and don't come back until it's clean and there's a plan in place.  

Rags's picture

Lol.

We turned SS into our live in beck and call boy/chore bitch.  We worked that kid's butt off.  He learned to keep his crap in order or it went on the curb and he got to scrub, clean, maintain, cook, etc, etc, etc.....

When we had stoked the flames of the burning platform to a level that got him to launch, we learned quickly how much we had the kid doing around the house.

He has been doing his own thing successfully since he was 18yo. 

Tune life for toxic kids with an appropriate level of abject misery associated with their crap and .... the crap stops. Find the pressure points that are important to them and push harder and harder on those points until you get the behavioral changes you want.   Smart phones on the driveway run over by a car, lock down of WiFi, confiscation of favorite clothing, etc.....

Good luck.

sammigirl's picture

Rags nailed it here.  

BEGIN WITH RULES IN YOUR HOME. We gave kids, both my kids and stepkids, rules and daily chores.  My skids were grown, my kids were middle school age.  Everyone had to pull their weight, when living under our roof, including DH and myself.

I have never ask anyone to do chores or work, that I am not willing to participate in myself.  We found working together helped.

It isn't  something that gets well, it may get easier with lots of work on everyone's part.  It is a daily battle, due to your skids have not learned yet.  Teaching them is more difficult then doing it youself.  Get your SO to back you, or you are not going to make it.  I have been where you are.

Hugs.....

Thumper's picture

Dont touch a thing. Except your own items.

I mean it. DO NOT touch a thing. sooner or later boyfriend will have to pick it up. HOLD YOUR GROUND.

OR as noted above hire a cleaning lady, it will take 2 to 3 of them for a deep clean. Cost 350 depending on your town.