I could use your thoughts
First, I have discussed many times and still discuss the manipulation of my adult SD57 and SGD33 (mother/daughter).
I want to be above my SD57 and SGD33, stay disengaged, but think it is time to take a positive step forward, for us (DH and I). DH is trying very hard with our marriage, in the past year especially, since we've moved. DH has not pushed any relationship with SD nor SGD and their families; he has not said a word, but has shown me he understands my disengagement. DH has accepted my disengagement much better than I every thought possible.
Now SGD33 is having Thanksgiving dinner at her home, near us (5 miles), and OSS and DIL are doing all the cooking and work. I get along well with OSS and DIL. DH wants me to go with him for Thanksgiving dinner. I have not replied to DH's invitation, nor have we discussed it. Of course SD57 and SIL will also be there. I do not care to go, but I know DH wants me to go with him, I seriously don't care one way or another.
I am torn between standing strong on my disengagement, which I intend to do; but I do not want DH to feel like I am not working at our marriage; he doesn't drive any more either. I know his kids would come and pick him up and would bring him home; which is fine, that is not a problem.
DH is totally a gentleman to my family and friends when they pop in or I invite them to our home. Of course they treat him well and DH enjoys my family. There has always been respect and warmness between DH and my family. Now that we live closer, my family and friends are in and out of our home often, I feel DH deserves a few hours of my cooperation Thanksgiving.
Should I go with him and be above the past with my SD and SGD, enjoy the visit with OSS and DIL, and enjoy giving DH his time with his family, with me at his side? SD and SGD are very aware of my disengagement. They are allowed in our home to visit DH at any time; with that said I do not engage with them at all, I am civil, but I do not hostess and never will. I am beyond caring, so I feel nothing towards these two women.
With this question: I have not even uttered a word yet. I will not make a decision until a few days prior to dinner. I just need some honest input from you here on Steptalk. I know my situation has improved. I'm thinking I can put myself above SD and SGD; of course I have no intentions of ever putting my guard down on my disengagement, or any future engagement with them. I am much stronger now too, because of you here.
I will not forget that DH caused the entire problem to begin with, when he betrayed me to SD; although, I do not care now what they discuss, nor will I ever trust them. I have hashed all the betrayal and mistrust out with DH, it has taken 4 years, and am feeling it is time to move forward with us on this. I will tell you, I don't expect DH to have my back, but if he abides by my boundaries, as he seems to be doing in the past year, I will handle it.
I have discussed this with a friend; she is supportive with any decision I make. She has given me some thoughts and good advice. I will always be here on Steptalk, because I wouldn't be where I am now, without coming here daily for new ideas and great advice.
What are your true thoughts?