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sammigirl's picture

This will be short. My DH passed away last week.  He was totally disabled and I was devoted to being his care taker.  I loved him more than can be expressed.

Oh yes, just yesterday, I received a plain hand written card from SD59, all about her.  No return address on it, so I opened it.  Then yesterday evening, I received a forwarded text, from a family member, (because they are blocked from my social media for 7 years) from SGD32, all about her and her grief.  

I know this will never stop.  I replied to the family member, who had no idea, a civil reply.  I ask her to forward it to both SD and SGD.  

I told them to leave me alone, do not contact me or they would go straight to jail.  I told them DH and I had resolved our personal issues.  I told them all the words the expressed should have been told to DH while he was alive, because they never took the time to visit him while he was so very sick, in the past 2 years.  I also told them, the words said to me were to make themselves feel better. 

I didn't bring up past issues.  It was to the point.  My SD's husband (SIL) is a cop.  He knows me well, we worked in the same department, from where I retired.  He knows I am very serious.

I know we all have our grief.  I will need to stay here.  Thank you for listening.  

Your advice is valuable to me.

SteppedOut's picture

I'm sorry for your loss. 

They are sniffing around for their "inherritance". Ignore and do call the police if they will not leave you in peace. 

sammigirl's picture

We have been married 40 years.  DH and I are joint in everything.  They cannot get any more than they have.  They know this.

I believe they feel guilty and are trying to make themselves feel better.  They were very neglecting to my DH, these past years.

He died in our home.  I am so glad I put the effort into caring for him for years.  

Mountains's picture

Sammigirl - so sorry for your loss and for the additional pain the skids may be causing you.  Caregiving is one of the most difficult things to do, especially for a loved one.  I hope you are taking care of yourself and grieving at your own pace and in your own way.  Hugs 

SacrificialLamb's picture

Sammi, so very sorry for your loss. I hope that you will soon find the peace that you deserve. I hope you continue to post here because you have been an inspiration and help to so many. 

With your DH passing away before you, these two women are worried about their inheritance and trying to prop themselves up to you. I am glad you told them what you really think!

Big hugs!

sandye21's picture

Sammi, Again, sorry to here of your loss.  You were an absolute saint.  As you wrote in another post, "Speaking the truth is not wrong."  What you said to his family members was totally appropriate considering their more-than-obvious intentions.  Good for you!  (((HUGS)))

MissTexas's picture

good fight.

Are you not even allowed to GRIEVE without them interfering? I know your loss is tremendous, and for that I am so very sorry. My heart is with you.

You have ultimately won. You've won because your DH knew your heart and love. You've won because you did not crumble to SK's standards, or lack thereof...you are a strong, strong woman Sammi, and you have a heart of gold.

All of your input, support and advice have come from a place in your heart and I am thankful to you for that. You've helped so many of us here. I'm so glad you are staying with us.

 

Dovina's picture

So very sorry for your loss. The years you endured in such a toxic family has not only made you stronger, but wiser. I am sure you will miss the good that DH gave you, and no doubt your DH knows just how much you sacrificed for him. As for the toxic SD's and family, they now are no longer in your life, may they feel the pain and remorse for not being better people. They probably wont because we all know narcs are not capable of that...but oh well their torment to you can end!

Please continue to dispense your wise compassionate advice. You have helped so many as we followed your journey. May this next chapter of your life bring you peace and comfort, and know what an amazing wife you were even when your DH did not rise to the challenge.

Take good care and please continue posting XO

Rags's picture

Sammi,

My condolences to you and big hugs as you grieve the loss of your DH.

Hang in there.  

As for the Skids.  They abandoned their dad.  You owe them nothing. Period. No respect, no inherritance, and no consideration on anything.

They earned their isolation.  

Take care of you.

Please stay.  Your experiences and respected participation is so important to many of us.

Hugs.

Rags

Exjuliemccoy's picture

My deepest condolences on your loss, Sammi. For your SD to contact you despite the RO was unacceptable, and I'm glad you sent back a message that lays down the law. You've more than earned your peace.

Please take the greatest care of yourself. Remember to drink water, and eat. You are in my thoughts.

ctnmom's picture

So,so sorry for your loss. Your advice is always so kind and considerate, you're a wonderful and special person. This is your time now. Maybe in the coming days you might consider a grief support group. Take care of yourself! And don't give those horrible people a second thought. Awful vultures. Please continue to let us know how you are doing.

LostinSpaceandTime's picture

So very sorry for your loss.  Please take care of yourself now. Rest and heal.  Your advice was so helpful when I first started using this site.  Take care.  ❤️

DPW's picture

So sorry for your loss. Please don't forget to take care of you and rely on your supports during these times. 

jam's picture

So sorry for your loss Sammi. You have been through so much. I really admire how you always handled yourself and appreciate the advise you have given here.

 

Winterglow's picture

Sending you my deepest, heartfelt (((((HUGS))))) to you Sammi in this difficult time.

Be kind to yourself.

still learning's picture

How dare they contact you after everything they've put you through and the disregard they showed for their family member while he was alive. I'm so sorry you had to deal with their drama on top of your loss. Your husband was blessed to have such a strong woman who was committed to him through his sickness. You stayed with him through it all even though he didn't deserve it.  I wish you peace and healing during this time.  

Merry's picture

My sincere condolences. Even though you knew the outcome wasn't far away, it's still hard and I know you'll miss your DH.

I hope that is the last you ever hear from those miserable people ever again. They put you through hell.

StepUltimate's picture

Sending you all the good juju to get through this transition.

Your reply was perfect for hitting multiple strategic targets. 

I have appreciated many of your posts, and stand in awe at your strength and clarity.

2Tired4Drama's picture

and help you through this time of grieving.   I am so very sorry for your loss, Sammi.

Know that your friends here on STalk are here for you.  Let us know your thoughts, let us know about skids' shenanigans, and let us know how you are doing.  

But whatever you do, don't ever doubt for a minute that your DH knew you were the best thing that ever happened to him in his life.

SteppedOff's picture

I am sincerely very sorry for the loss of your husband. 

 Prior to officially joining this group for a long time I would read, commiserate, learn, and become wiser. You were a large part of that and I admired your handling of the dysfunction related to your husband and his adult children. You clearly handled the situation with strong committed boundaries...and you flourished. 

You helped me so much get to where I needed to be. There is no mistake on the situations with these adult daughters regardless of divorce or death of the other parent. If there are small flags, indications, or questions let there be no mistake on the road you better get ready to to travel.

I am in such a better place and with a better marriage because of your words, example, and sharing here. Please keep us updated it will help some of us on the other side know what to expect from these pitiful step daughters after losing dad.

Feel every feeling, be well, and live even better! Thank you for helping some of us to walk the walk to a better place Smile

sammigirl's picture

Thank all of you here for your condolences and support.

I am taking care of myself and taking everything a day at a time.  I have so much support here at home also.

I am with you all here on ST. 

 

DPW's picture

My sincerest condolences sammi. I have followed your story for a long time and am so sorry to hear of the passing of your DH. Your wisdom is irreplaceable. Glad you are staying! 

1StepForward2's picture

I always like reading your posts so was looking forward to another.  I was sorry to hear about your loss.  My condolences to you. My DH has pulmonary fibrosis.It is a progressive illness and tough being the caretaker.  It happened only recently and three years into his retirement.  His three sons are not close to me at all so am without family support as well.

Keep checking in with us and take care of you.

piegirl's picture

Hi Sammi, 

My deepest condolences to you on the passing of your dear husband and apologise for my delayed wishes but have been offline for a while.

I pray for you and am so pleased you are staying, we all really apprecaite all you do to help us with your wise words and comments.

Do take care and let us be your shoulder (((((hugs)))))

TexasPickles's picture

Sammi,

Sincere condolences. This board has been a lifesaver for me, but your wise posts in particular have been meaningful, helping to guide me through rough seas.

I wish you peace and happiness. Being a caregiver is very tough work and I hope you will be rewarded with wonderful things coming your way. But please don't leave. We need you!

Biggest hug possible