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Mission of Peace for Myself

sammigirl's picture

I was on a mission today. I decided to give myself a peaceful day.

Yes, it has happened. DH is in the hospital for a long stay. We have all talked about this scenario here on steptalk and how to deal with the adult skids. Well, here I am.

One week ago DH had to be admitted to the hospital and we knew it was going to be a long haul; it has turned out we were correct. After the doctor's informed us of the situation, I "group texted" OSS59, SD57, YSS54, SGS39, SGD32, SIL, and DIL to let them all know their father/grandfather was hospitalized.

Group Text: "DH has been admitted to the hospital. He will spend 4 days in the cardiac unit and then will move to the rehab floor for an undetermined time. The rehab doctor tells us he is in for a long haul and hard work so as to be able to come home.

In rehab they will get him up at 6 am and begin a new schedule each day. They will work him different schedules all day, six days a week, until 5 pm; then he is able to receive visitors and phone calls in his room, after 5 pm until 8 pm daily and can receive visitors and phone calls all day on Sunday's. He will not be allowed to have his cell phone, therefore, you may call him in his room, telephone # __, you can visit him during the hours stated above, in room # _, or at any time you may check with the nurses station on floor #__.

The staff has set stringent rules and he knows he has to work hard with no interruptions, so that he will be able to come home. He is responding well and is feeling better." End of group text.... Each one of them responded "Thank you for letting me know", or "Thank you."; therefore, I know they all received the group text.

I thought this was sufficient; I even included medical information that I thought his kids should know, which I did not include here. First day of rehab (5 days after my group text) SD57 texted DH's phone. "How are you feeling Dad?". Second day, SD text "I haven't heard from you, just checking in." Then SGD32 texted DH's phone, "Hope you are feeling better Grandpa." Then last night, third day of rehab, OSS59 texted, something about a birthday party for a friend's 1 year old. I did not respond to these texts, because I am disengaged and felt I have done my duty as a SM.

What??? Did I say "He will not be allowed to have his cell phone,".....therefore, they know he doesn't have it and they have all the contact information to talk to him, or visit him if they wish.

Ok....I told DH I had group texted them all and they were still texting his cell phone and it was driving me crazy with everything we were trying to accomplish at the hospital. DH ask me to send another "group text" last night, and repeat the first information in short form. Second text: "DH does not have his cell phone and is not allowed to have it in rehab. You may contact him at phone #__, floor #__, and room #___." Of course they all responded letting me know they got the second group text. Then finally I shut DH's cell phone off. I had enough of beep, beep, beep, beep.....

Beginning today, I am on a Mission of Peace for Myself. I sensor all incoming calls on my phone and only answer the calls coming in from the hospital; DH usually calls me of a morning to say good morning. I put DH's cell phone on his night stand, where I can't see the blinking incoming texts. I had the most peaceful day and visited DH twice today at the hospital. We live 10 minutes from the hospital, so I am able to chose my time, depending on his schedule.

Yes, I follow the rules; but I'm guessing SD, OSS, and SGD think the rules do not apply to calling or texting during rehab hours. Maybe they thought I was being the "controller of the cell phone", who knows. YSS54 called DH's room last evening. SGS39 stopped by last evening during visiting hours for 30 minutes to visit.

Just venting here, to reassure the fellow step-parents here, who are trying to totally disengage; it is possible, just a hurddle now and then.

I can't wait for Sunday; I will be home watching the NFL playoff's, with my phone off. SD, OSS, and YSS all live in a neighboring State. Grandkids live here. If SD or SGD have rules, they probably won'te even bother to visit. Just saying, that's their game in the past.

fairyo's picture

Sammi- I do hope you take advantage of the 'break' for yourself. It sounds as if DH is being well cared for and great you only live minutes away as hospital visiting can be such a drag if there is travelling involved. You seem to be managing things with the phone calls too, glad they are not ringing you for updates which is equally wearing.
I hope DH gets well and life gets back to 'normal' for you soon, sending lots of fairy hugs ((((****))))

sammigirl's picture

Thank you for your support. The Skids do not have MY phone number and I have blocked SD and SGD (8 years ago) from all my social media.

They can contact DH and leave me out of it; I gave them all the info to talk to him. SD57 always claimed I tried to take her Dad away, for years. I've never did any such thing. So now we'll see if she visits any more often then ever before. DH maybe saw her six times, since we've moved the past year. SD is here in the city all the time to visit SGD34, so there has been no reason for her not to visit her Dad.

The texting to his phone was to see if I had his phone in my possession, I'm sure.

I don't care any more about what they say or think. I'm over it. I tried for 30+ years to have a Brady Bunch family and I'm not involved and have been totally disengaged for the past 4 years. I began my disengagement 8 years ago and am finally to the point of just walking away.

When I made this post, it was to vent and assure others here that disengagement works, but is always popping up, just when you think it is behind you. As long as we have skids, it is to deal with.

Veritas's picture

"The texting to his phone was to see if I had his phone in my possession, I'm sure."....Sammi, I wondered about that and if it was part of their is such a shame that we have to be so prepped in order to see through the BS and the games that these skids make up but I guess on a positive note, and I stress this heavily, we are also prepped to see BS coming at us from other people and areas of life. Some may call it jaded, I will stick with the term "being prepared" Smile

Focused_onourlife's picture

Yes, this!

And you Sammi, good thing you sent a group text so no one could say you "did or said" anything to one and not the other. It's sad that you still have to endure their little games in such a situation like this. I hate that you even had to contact then at all but you did the right thing. I'm Praying for your DH and you. You are a strong women and an inspiration!!

sammigirl's picture

Yes, I try to be as "prepared" as possible. I never look at DH's phone (it is shut off now), so I get a surprise now and then, because he doesn't relate conversations to me. As far as relating conversations to me, that's my boundary and have asked him to go forward with communication with his kids and grandkids; I don't need to be a part of it, unless I choose.

DH and I have discussed the boundaries and he understands I am disengaged and will choose to be involved if I wish. DH is getting better and better with the disengagement. He has been very good thru this ordeal we are dealing with at this time. With that said, he has his relationship with his kids. SD controls DH and her relationship. Adult SS's are good and have always respected me. SD57 and SGD34 (mother/daughter) see him when she wishes and punishes him for staying with me. I feel bad sometimes, but it's not my problem and like stated here, he raised this disrespectful adult.

I know SD is mad because I disengaged and it's my rules and not hers. She is a very controlling person with everyone and hates the fact that she no longer controls me. I just ignore her totally; she doesn't exist in my world any longer.

Thank you so much for your input. It is valuable to me. I have been under stress and love coming here to vent and read, read, read.

SacrificialLamb's picture

"When I made this post, it was to vent and assure others here that disengagement works, but is always popping up, just when you think it is behind you. As long as we have skids, it is to deal with."

I am finding this is so true. As long as we are married to our DH's, issues will come up. I am watching my OSD put DH off by making an excuse every day about why she cannot have a simple phone conversation about what dates he can visit his gkids. She think she is winning a valiant battle teaching him a lesson. He just wants to see his gkids. She wants to punish. I am sad for him, but he raised this juvenile middle-aged child.

I am sorry your DH is ill to the point that he is hospitalized and needs rehabilitation. You did the right thing by informing them that their father/grandfather is in the hospital. He is able to communicate all on his own at this phone number. You probably feel very uncomfortable holding the Pipeline to the Original Family, his phone.

sammigirl's picture

Thank you SacrificialLamb: Yes, my SD also blames me for not having her Dad at her beckon call.

If you remember I booted DH to SD's for a few months. DH tells me they were never home, during his stay; they left him there to babysit the dogs and went off for 3-4 days at a time, often. Not my problem. I almost laughed.

Then my SD, like yours, tells DH "I don't feel comfortable visiting you, SM is rude." Really! 30+ years SD and SGD were rude to me and aided DH in betraying me to SD. So now I'm "rude", because I'm disengaged and will no longer keep the Brady Bunch Family together. Too bad!

My SD, like yours, also tried using the gkids and ggkids to punish DH; well that didn't work, because DH didn't play the game. He just let the grandkids contact him and they do.

I want absolutely no contact with SD nor SGD, so this is working good, so far. I'm sure they have something up their sleeve.

Thank you again!

fairyo's picture

Sammi I know I wouldn't be where I am without your support and advice. I have never given the skids my number- I haven't even spoken to any of them for months. I no longer go on social media so much either, it only adds fuel...

DH is babysitting his grandkids tonight without me- every so often I feel the 'pull' to re-engage, as I was going to suggest they come here, but I changed my mind- he can go and come back in one night. I think I was always the 'prop' he used to deflect attention from himself to me, but he doesn't have me to do that anymore so I don't think he'll enjoy it, but so what? I can have another evening to myself- it is infinitely preferable to being there.
Yes, disengagement is not an end point but an ongoing process. I sometimes wonder how I will deal with his offspring if anything happened to DH - I know OSD will want to claim him for her own, just like she did with her brother a year ago, which is what eventually led me to disengage.
I hope your mission for peace works for you, and that you have only minimal contact with these horrible people. Take good care of you first whilst DH is being cared for by others- then you will be able to deal with them more calmly if and when. Take care and keep us posted.

sammigirl's picture

Are you able to put together a GF night, on the nights he babysits. My GF's and I play cards at each other's homes. We take turns hosting and it is a fun night and not expensive. You can host and then go to their homes. It has been an ongoing thing for years.

It helps to get you moving forward in your disengagement to have something to do, while he is babysitting. I'm guessing this babysitting will not be a permanent job, if you're not involved. Your DH will be wondering how much fun your are having on that same night.

Good job with sticking to your disengagement. It gets easier with DH. There are times you don't think so, but it does.


fairyo's picture

The problem for me is, Sammi, that since I moved here I haven't made that many friends- lots of acquaintances yes, but no real friends. If I want a night out I have to make an hours journey to see the family and friends I left when I moved here. When DH goes out (usually only once a week) I catch up with phone calls and tonight I am getting a soak in the bath, reading my book etc. I think it is a mystery to DH why I no longer go with him (even though he knows but pretends he doesn't). I almost told him to bring the grandkids here (OSD wouldn't drop them off) but I decided DH wouldn't understand that I wouldn't want to be around them- he is still seeking that shield I once was, but I daren't open myself up to complaints about being 'evil' any more. My hard won peace is precious to me!
He really doesn't babysit much anymore, and I don't know why he's doing it now- I don't ask. It is getting easier- today we went paint shopping as we have to decorate the kitchen soon. It was like old times, discussing what we need to buy, want we want it to look like etc etc. I think he got a glimpse of his old life maybe? Also the boat has sunk (not literally) he's sick of throwing money at it, and I couldn't help but feel sorry for him when he said he would have to try to sell it. Poor DH- if only he had listened to me in the first place!

sammigirl's picture

I read you post here "Just found out something...." Now you know, so continue to stay on track with your disengagement.

The problem with confronting your DH with why he is still babysitting, now that you know, is it doesn't change the facts, it causes a big fight, and you are trying to move forward. If you have a confrontation with DH at this point, it undermines your progress, to free yourself.

I still say, DH will get tired of this job and quit. Hang in there!

StepUltimate's picture

I appreciate your posts and all the experience, wisdom, and encouragement you share. Thank you Sammigirl.

Gimlet's picture

You've been instrumental in passing that wisdom along. I've learned a lot from you, and others who aren't here anymore. It took me a long time to accept that disengagement was the right path for me, but I feel so much more centered and at peace now that I don't worry about the skids and BM anymore (and I have people who will correct my course if I need to vent and they see my slipping).

Best wishes for your husband's recovery.

sammigirl's picture

Gimlet: Thank you for the get well wishes.

I have followed your posts as well. Without this site and supporters, such as yourself, I would be in prison for murder. LOL.....Thank you again.

Veritas's picture

Sammi, first, I am hoping for the best for your DH!! Second, I am so glad you are at this stage of disengagement that you can have some peace. That is a great place to be! I see so many new users just starting out in that direction, thinking that it is insurmountable and yet your post has demonstrated that it is certainly achievable. Hugs to you Smile

sammigirl's picture

Yes it is achievable. I didn't think it was possible, believe me.

Without this site and the support I get here, I'm not sure I wouldn't still be a rug under their feet.

Thank you so much for your support. I will still be here for the support and venting. It helps deal with it all.

Kes's picture

I do hope your DH makes a full recovery in cardiac rehab. Tbh, I might have turned his phone off and left it off, after sending round the info that he was only contactable via the hospital phone. What is the matter with them, do they not take in simple information? Rhetorical question!

sammigirl's picture

I do have it turned off after sending the group texts. I put it in DH's end table drawer and don't look at it now.

DH's grown kids do not follow rules; they DO believe rules are made for everyone else, not them. SD cannot take a simple instruction. She never listens, she already has the answer, before it's ever asked. I am aware of this, therefore, that is the reason for "group texts", so not to open doors to deception.

SD also took my kindness for weakness for 30+ years; now she is aware of how strong I am. I just don't care any longer. She is out of my life, except when I have to deal with situations like we have at this time.

Thank you for you input.

queensway's picture

Sammigirl sending get well soon wishes and a full recovery to your husband. With the stress of having a husband in the hospital I am glad you are disengaged. I say take care of your needs also. Relax on Sunday. Smile

sammigirl's picture

Thank you Queensway. I am close to home and that gives me time to rest and take care of all errands.

Tiger7's picture

Hi sound like you're a very strong woman. I pray for a speedy recovery for your DH and peace for you. I need and love my alone time. I'm in my mid 50s and only been in this step world for 3 yrs. Never really thought abt dealing with the skids when we're all older. I have a lot to learn! Take care and God Bless

sammigirl's picture

Tiger7: Just stay on this site and read and learn. I do this daily. I consider this site my rock and my counselor.

I would not be where I am today, with my disengagement, if not for the supporters here on Steptalk.

I am still learning and following advice here every day.

WTF...REALLY's picture

Sounds like you are handling this beautifully. Keep it up.

Wishing your husband a speedy recovery.

notasm3's picture

Sammi - I feel for you and your DH. I took care of my father for several years (wish he'd remarried after my mother died, but no one wanted him). He went thru extensive rehabs 3 times in his 80s. Once for a knee replacement and the other two times for internal imbalances. This is not going to be that easy on you either. Prepare for him to possibly get bitter and cranky as the rehab gets more difficult.

Good job on dispersing the information in a concise yet still disengaged manner.

I recently heard that SS's GF thinks that I just "need to get over it". (their home invasion) Silly girl - I don't have to get over anything. And my definition of "getting over it" anyway is to never lay eyes on her or SS again.

sammigirl's picture

Next time they start their crap; tell them "get over it and leave me alone while you're getting over it". What does SS's GF know about it all anyway. I hate people that think they know everything and yet they have no clue. Don't you just love it?

It is going well and hopefully will progress well.

Thank you for your well wishes. You are appreciated. I follow your posts and for sure learn from them.

sammigirl's picture

Update: When I walked in to DH's room this evening for a second visit today, unaware, there sat SD57, SIL, and SGD34. If looks could kill, I would be dead. The dirty looks and daggers came out, when I entered the room. SD57 and SIL traveled from the neighboring State for the weekend at SGD34's. No way was I going to ruin DH's visit with his kids, when he needs all the upbeat possible.

There was a big recliner chair, that DH uses to sit up, next to his bed; I took the Queens seat, marked my territory, all with a smile and not one word. I sat next to DH and held his hand. I visited in general and did not give up one minute of my standing. They stayed about an hour, said their goodbyes to DH and I survived it, without a harsh word or showing my dislike for these people. I was civil and directed my attention to DH.

After their departure, I stayed another two hours and DH and I had a nice quiet evening. Not one word was mentioned about their visit. I'm sure they will drop back to DH's room tomorrow, Sunday, before they go home. Maybe I can miss them.

Like I noted in my original post; we have all discussed what we would do in this situation with Skids. Well, I had no idea how I would handle it at this point of my disengagement (4 years), but I was able to be relaxed and steady. What tomorrow brings, remains to be seen.

Thanks all of you here!!!!!

fairyo's picture

Sammi you are such a role-model, blazing a trail for us all to follow! Well done for staying at his side where you belong... I think I would probably have walked straight out and gone for a coffee!
I do sometimes wonder how I will conduct myself whenever OSD and I are in a room together again (it is six months since I clapped eyes on her and that's when she gave me the kiss...) but I still feel my stomach tighten at the prospect. I hope your example will give me the courage to be as dignified and rise above her manipulations.
keep us posted please (((***)))

sammigirl's picture

fairyo: disengagement is different for everyone. My disengagement has had several stages and those are different for everyone.

Don't be hard on yourself. I felt guilty, because DH was unhappy about the entire mess; we were no longer the Brady Bunch family. I now take it one event at a time. When I knew everything that was going on with DH and SD, I would worry about what was "going" to happen. When you "totally" disengage, you are out of the loop and therefore not always forewarned. That used to "worry" me. I finally decided none of it mattered and I then realized I just don't care any longer.

When you no longer care, which means you no longer think about it, no longer worry about any of their affairs; you are free. You will know when your disengagement reaches this point. There is no set time. There is no set event. The caring will just be void.

I thought I would never get to the stage I am. I love my DH and will be there for him; but he is on his own with SD. He now knows that. It took him 8 years also, which I understand. He realizes I no longer care about his DD, whom he loves. So there's never a perfect end to the story, but there is a point where you will agree to disagree.

I will deal with what I have to deal with. There will be times I will walk straight out and go for coffee, such as you said, without a word said. I have NEVER had words or responded to my SD57 or SGD34 and their game. I have ignored them, no matter how angry it made me. There were times DH got the blunt of it all; but then again he betrayed me to SD and this what developed the entire problem.

There is a great deal of grieving with disengagement, such as death or divorce. I call it the three D's.

Stay here and hang in there!

Veritas's picture

Beautifully written :)...I am at this freedom stage of disengagement, I feel, but my marriage unfortunately became part of the collateral damage as the weakness of my DH became evident.

I am a strong woman who had an expectation that there should be a measure of protection extended to me by my DH from his son. My DH just couldn't do it. It doesn't make either of us wrong but there is no changing DH. He is afraid to discuss things, even though we don't have heated arguments. He is afraid to hear the problem and figure out a solution. That is who he is. I am who I am. We are friends but we do not need to be married as our expectations for that union will never converge.

It makes me happy, though, that you were able to figure out the best spot for you and that it still includes your DH. I think that is what so many of us are trying to do but are unsure of the appropriate path. I know it took me a few years to get it right for the peace and happiness of myself.

I am also glad that you mentioned the grieving, because it can be strong. I am much happier for having worked through the pain. On one hand, I wish I had never had to, but on the other hand, some of the facets of my personality that have emerged due to all this work are the very things that became my solid foundation and I would never trade them now. Everything comes with a price and while I can mourn the loss of the marriage, I embrace the peace I have discovered that I thought I never would. It was a choice that I made to put myself first and it was worth it.

sammigirl's picture

Veritas: I am sorry about the damage to your marriage. It is extremely difficult and painful. Most of us here have went thru a divorce, that's why we are in another relationship with Skids, of course. You are definitely worthy of peace and to live your life to the fullest.

In reading your post, one thing stands out to me, "measure of protection". I totally get the feeling of DH's not having our backs. My issue here; DH and I should have our own marriage, our own life, our own behind closed door privacy; but for some reason my DH could not sort this out. Now he is doing much better; but there was hell to pay before it opened his eyes.

But hopefully I have learned a good deal thru my first, and hopefully only divorce; I have become a totally different person and can now move a mountain, after the death of my two teen sons, several years ago. I am sure it enabled me to get through this disengagement with my SD57 and SGD34 (mother/daughter). So I named this grief the "3 D's", in regards to my hurdles. (Divorce, Death, and Disengagement)

I believe in my case: My DH, SD and SGD took my kindness for weakness. I am not sure they like my "real" personality, because like you, it emerged and even surprised me. They now know how truly strong I am. I am truly at peace and have my life back. I was also vulnerable, after my son's accident, for several years, thus allowed my SD to treat me badly. I was a rug for my DH and skids to wipe their feet on.

No longer is that the case.

I am a stubborn, strong, and thick skinned women that has a world of compassion for people that treat me good. I love life and I love true friendship. I truly believe in giving and not taking, and now see straight thru phony people.


Focused_onourlife's picture

Sammie, I hate this for you. However, I truly admire your Grace! To put all your differences aside and be there for your DH speaks volumes. Seems like your SD, SIL, and SGD will never grow up or accept your DH and your marriage. They just hate the way he loves you.

sammigirl's picture

Focused....My SD57 wrote me an email and told me to move our of my home and let DH go back to his family.

It was DH's choice to stay, after I booted him to SD's house for a few months.

So you are correct when you state "they just hate the way he loves you". DH and I have always been deeply in love and have always had that passion burning from day one. We have had a good deal of hurdles, but have always been able to work thru it, because of our love for each other.

Now they are mad enough to eat nails, because DH and I are still together and still in love after 38 years.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

I'm keeping you and your DH in my thoughts, Sammie. Please take good care of yourself during this period, and take no cr@p off those witches.

sammigirl's picture

Thank you Exjuliemccoy. Thank you for you supportive posts. I follow your posts.

Rags's picture

Sending my best wishes for a speedy and successful recovery for your DH.

Take care of you. You have done your communication duties to the StepAdults.

Acratopotes's picture

sammygirl......I hope you are enjoying the switched off phones!!!

I hope DH gets better quickly and that you will live happily for a long years to come, maybe his phone should go for a swim.... then they can never contact him again lol...

you are a strong woman not to reply on his behalf... I mean what does a strangers kid's 1st bday have to do with him,

sammigirl's picture

I am enjoying the phone put away. It drives me crazy buzzing.

Thank you for your well wishes.

The SD and SGD are just texting, because they think I will reply. NOT...

disrestep's picture

Sammygirl, Wishing a super quick recovery for your DH.

Recoveries for heart conditions include hospitals recommending patients to cardiac rehab, healthy lifestyle classes and the like. Hopefully, your hubby and you can benefit from some of these if that applies to his care plan. My DH and other family members had cardiac conditions and hospitalization in the past and all made a full recoveries. So, it is possible and quite remarkable what they can do nowadays in the hospital. I remember being so worried at the time. As more time goes by, it gets easier and all the tests and doctors visits grow further and further apart and your DH will be up and about in no time, if not already.

Great job on dealing with your skids during this. I know how it is to have to stress out about contacting adult skids who cannot stand you and having to tell them about DH. It's funny, my adult skids and their spawn never followed hospital rules during flu season and brought their kids into the hosp. when they were told not to by hosp. staff and DH, who explained to them children were not allowed to see DH and others need to wear disposable face masks, as DH did not want to get sick and it was the policy at the time. They called DH at night and woke him up a alot and OSS and Gskids that live in another state never bothered to visit DH and had a fit when they called DH's hosp. room and I picked up the phone so Dh could sleep. Glad that is over and you will be too.

Take care of yourself and your DH. I truly hope he makes a complete and healthy recovery.

Tuff Noogies's picture

i wish your husband well with his therapy and recovery.

and great job on your disengagement and your mission for peace Wink

TexasPickles's picture

Sammi I wish you and DH all the very best.

When I first came to this board a couple of years ago, I felt like an insane person due to the machinations of my adult skids. Yours was one of the first stories I read and it, combined with others' stories, made me realize I was not alone and I was not crazy. Thank you for that. ST helped me crawl out of the darkness and taught me the beauty of boundaries and disengagement (and avoiding social media, lol).

I am now in a similar situation. DH had major surgery, four days in ICU and two weeks later still in hospital. In the immediate follow to surgery I texted updates to youngest adult SS to distribute to his siblings, along a couple of updates while DH was ICU. When he left ICU for a surgical floor I sent his new room and phone numbers and then stopped communicating with them. If they want updates they can call DH direct (he's well enough for that) or the nurses' station. SD is in a snit that she is being ignored and Saturday sent me an email (first communication in about ten years) with the heading "Looking for some cooperation..." I deleted it without even opening. I don't need to know and I don't care. I don't have time for any of it right now.

sammigirl's picture

"Looking for some cooperation...." I'm glad you didn't open it and read it; it probably would have enraged you for sure.

You can block her from your email, that is what I did with SD and SGD.

This site is the greatest and I'm glad to hear you have come so far. Good for you. Just keep deleting, not opening emails, and ignoring; it is so, so worth it. I love disengagement from these toxic women.

Good Job

Evil3's picture

Sammi, wishing your DH a speed recovery. I always really enjoyed your blogs and comments because my SD28 is a narcissistic PoS and I would get inspiration from you to handle DH's and SD's emotionally incestuous relationship.

sammigirl's picture

It's sick for sure, Evil3.

But it is what it is and we deal with it here on Steptalk.

Hang in there also! Narcissists are scary; you never know what's next.


CANYOUHELP's picture

You go smart lady. You have taken control of your life and paid a price to ensure it happened. It did and it is fully worth the peace you have now. The freedom of making your own choices, own moves, and doing your own things, feels good, with respect to nasty adult steps. Appeasing those who would never let you appease them anyway, is useless energy.

sammigirl's picture

Thank you CANYOUHELP; you are doing an amazing job on your disengagement. It is like a snake that rears it's ugly head, when least expected.

We all here have "got this". Without you and the supporters here, I would never be able to get thru the stressful times.

Thank you for your friendship.