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Book on disengaging?

RLZ0073's picture

Is there one? I need to learn how to ignore the evil spawn known as my soon to be stepkids.

SacrificialLamb's picture

Soon to be skids? If you are not married yet and already need a book on disengaging, you need to really think about why you are sentencing yourself to this type of life.

But no, I don't know of any books and hope someone else chimes in if it exists.

RLZ0073's picture

I’m working with my therapist on leaving.... his kids treat him like shit, I try to encourage him to be a real parent and he says I’m overstepping my bounds. My BD is 21... his brats are 14 and 13. His younger one is really being a twerp lately. Making backhanded comments about me. He won’t discipline her for that but when I tried to prevent her from removing property from this house to take to her mother’s? I’m the bad guy... (the psycho ex gets $2k a month which is using on her boyfriend, who she moved into her house after 2 months and the girls are complaining to me that he yells at them and they have to listen to her having sex. Absolutely disgusting... but again, I’m the bad guy)

He’s been yelling at me all night because of her bullshit. I would rather get beaten again by my ex husband than than his one’s yelling, anger and mixed in silent treatment. Actually he’s gone for the next couple days and I’m extremely swamped at work but I’m thinking about calling my realtor to see what’s out there.

notsobad's picture

“He’s been yelling at me all night because of her bullshit. I would rather get beaten again by my ex husband than than his one’s yelling, anger and mixed in silent treatment.”

Please reread what you’ve written.

Why do you think you deserve anything like this treatment? No one deserves this, no one.
I’m sure your therapist has told you this but really, you have to know that you don’t deserve to be beaten, or yelled at, or given the silent treatment.

Please, love yourself more.

SugarSpice's picture

i am happy to see you are now considering leaving as an option and your are in therapy.  keep up the good work!

ndc's picture

The problem here isn't the future skids. It isn't the psycho ex, and it isn't the psycho ex's disgusting boyfriend. The problem is your fiance. Based on what you've written in this post and another, I would be speed dialing that realtor and running for the hills. This isn't going to change, and disengaging from the kids isn't going to fix your fiance problem.

SAFjh's picture

I can pretty much only echo the sentiments of the other posters. Run like the wind. Disengagement isn't the answer to THIS situation. Not engaging in the first place is more like it. Get out honey. You're not going to be happy in this situation. Disengaging seems to me to be more of a way for people to save themselves and their relationships after years of trying everything else (loving, caring and being involved)

If you haven't even locked yourself down with this guy yet and you're unhappy than your solution is so much more cut and dry than it is for those of us who have a decade or two of our lives invested in somebody and walking away would practically destroy us. That isn't to say that you won't hurt from leaving but you are already thinking of it yourself...and we all agree.

RST's picture

'Soon to be stepkids'...why are you even considering this as an option? You need to get away from your toxic fiance, stop spending money on a therapist and use it to set yourself up elsewhere - apologies if it sounds harsh but nobody should be in a situation like this.

Cara1128's picture

Oh no he yells at you over skid(did i read that right)....please call realtor today (last week would be too soon)!
You can find much better out there!

Rags's picture

I don't ignore toxic crap. I confront it. It works for me. They have the choice to behave in accordance with reasonable standards of behavior or .... live a life of abject misery which I am happy to deliver.

Funny how the people with toxic behaviors in our blended family adventure crawl under their slime covered rocks and pretty much stay there. They don't like what happens when they present their toxic crap in proximity to me.

stepmomfromhell's picture