You are here

Not her responsibility

Momof6WI's picture
Forums: 

Thank god DH gets it! I went out of town to visit BD20 for a weekend. Typically his kids come back on Sunday. He worked that Sunday. Normally I watch them a few nights a week. Which I don't mind, I am always asked in advance. They go to bed fairly early and easy, no big deal. So DH asked BM if she could keep them an extra day, and we'd switch the following Monday.  She asked why. He said he'd be working and SM will be out of town. He said he'd make other arrangements if she couldn't keep them an extra day. BM can be very.....what's the word......dramatic. She went on huge long rants about how I can't be bothered to watch her kids, and that I've always got something going on. Keep in mind, I've never ever been involved in how they deal with their switches. Lol. My dh's response was great. 
 

"It's not her responsibility to babysit our kids. It's ours. She does babysit, but not because she has to, get over yourself and the drama you are creating". 

Long story short, he picked up the kids from her that Sunday and his sister babysat until he was done with work. BM just wanted her alone time with her boyfriend, her party time, etc. I am so grateful that DH understands that while I will help, he helps me- I am not a babysitter and it's not my responsibility. 
 

Then we heard from a friend she was at a bar that evening. She's an alcoholic. You do you!! Lol

shamds's picture

Prioritize her precious snowflakes no matter how unimportant they are and irrelevant to the stepparent they are.

i remember bio mum here had sd (then 23) order daddy to order i make myself available in order for meet ups to happen after they ended contact 5.5 years prior. I had a 1 & 2.5 yr old kids at that point and being ordered to make myself available so that hubby can see sd's 23 & 13 was bloody ridiculous.

thank god for steptalk telling me I wasn't crazy and eff this situation. 3 meets in of sd's ranting on bs about bio mum and stepdad and being rude disrespectful biatches, i told hubby he'd lost his effin mind if he ever thought for a second it was appropriate for his adult sd to lecture or order me around to make myself available for his pathetic kids and his bs family time because it was not quality family time. Its been 2 yrs since I tortured myself with sd's presence in my life!!

Momof6WI's picture

The funny thing is, I'm very good with her now boyfriends ex wife. She pulls drama with her all the time. Her children are old enough to complain to their mom about her and how she clearly treats her children differently. Letting the 3 and 5 year old cosleep with her and play tablets until they fall asleep. While the other kids have to sleep in their beds with no tablets. Etc. etc.  list goes on. I'm like lady, your children are your children- but they are not the only children in the world. My kids are with me all the time but every other weekend, and even when the skids are here....my kids are my priority. DH can deal with them as much as humanly possibly. Takes the stress off me. I want to do things for them because i WANT to, surely not because BM wants me to. No. 

Rags's picture

Kids should never take proprity over a spouse or marriage. Ever. Regardless of kid biology/parentage.

Putting kids as priority over a marriage is the death nell of that marriage.

Kids are the unequivocal top responsibility, but never should be prioritized over the adult relationship at the heart of the family, whether it is a blended family or not. I do understand prioritizing your own children over Skids if the Skids and  your SO are the source of drama in the family.  But no kids come before the marriage.

IMHO of course.

Momof6WI's picture

I am saying she clearly has different priorities when it comes to her children- going to bars, drinking, going missing, etc. Me and DH have a date night once a week no matter how many kids we have under the roof. Kids are here a short while- were together forever.

Rags's picture

I like how your DH dealt with BM aside from one thing.  She is the CP, he pays her to care for his kids through CS whether he takes his COd visitation or not. The CP is responsible for the care of the kids... always.  Beyond CS the NCP is not responsible for care of kids other than when the kids are with the NCP.  Which is entirely discretionary on the part of the NCP  though not to exceed their COd time with their kids.

That is the one primary power the the NCP has.  Visitation cannot be denied by the CP without consquence though the NCP can refuse visitation completely without consequence. 

Momof6WI's picture

Regardless if she was unwilling, he always asks if she wants an extra day- as a courtesy to her. If not he makes arrangements.

Rags's picture

Thanks for the clarity.