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Will a court agree to this?

Mumofsix22's picture

Partners ex wife is persistently alienating. She has been racist and abhsive toward me. Problems with her befriending my ex husband and meeting my own children etc and generally constantly battle. They have a child arrangement order and also finances settled however she still finds ways to interfere as she wants control over my partner still. For example... a few weeks ago telling him he's not allowed to have their children around my children baring in mind we have our own 2 year old together it's such bizzare scenarios. 

Teenager is acting out terrible and reciting personal emails and figures and arguing with dad over what she should and shouldn't be doing on his contact time with the younger children. He has asked his ex wife today to refrain from calling and texting the children on his contact which at present is alternative weekends and alternative Mondays (a bit more in school breaks). She has outright refused and said she will contact them as much as she likes. Problem is... she contacts them calling my partner names, asking where they're going, what time, who were with etc she'll call his mother to speak to the children if they're there for an hour or 2 and question where we have gone etc. 

is it worth revisiting the court to ask them to implement a structure for video calls and calls. He offered himself or me as emergency contact and the same respect for her on her weekend time with them and she went off on a rant etc as usual and told him to shut up using my words.

By this she means he is dyslexic and he is unrepresented so I help him with his discussion to get his point across. She has legal aid by taking domestic abuse but it is actually her who has had to be dealt with by the police. Where does it stop?


will the court support such a request?



ESMOD's picture

A court could possibly agree to a more routine communication.. but likely won't allow "no" communication during his time.  You can also have them include something about the parent and their family and friends can't disparage your DH etc.. but those kinds of things are only as helpful as the court's ability to enforce. which isn't much at all.. there is not much they can do.

The best bet is to minimize contact with a toxic person yourself.. and your DH.

She can make ridiculous demands.. but unless that's in the court order.. she can stuff it.

CastleJJ's picture

The courts will not stop BM from contacting her children during DH's parenting time, but they can structure it, giving BM days and times to call. Given that one of the skids is a teenager though, a court order may not stop him from using their cell phone (assuming they have one) to communicate with BM whenever. 

Your bigger issue here is the venom BM spews. Is there anything in your CO that states that neither parent will do anything to harm the child's relationship with the other parent? Anything that mentions fostering a positive relationship? If so, then you can get BM on contempt with good documentation and proof. Show it's enough of a pattern and it may help your case. 

Mumofsix22's picture

I think this is best case. She has been told off by the courts previously but nothing in the order regarding disparaging remarks etc it's persistent verbal. She will phone dad also and ask in front of children for him to pay extra things and then afterwards badmouth him if he says no. Constant drama and energy. Partner is very loose with boundaries in general so I've really had to help guide him but even still she feels the needs to make unnecessary contact through the kids despite the orders in place so far.

CastleJJ's picture

Have the order modified to state that all communication between parties will be conducted via email or a court monitored app like Our Family Wizard. That way, you prevent the constant texts and phone calls. It helps establish boundaries and most BMs are more cautious about what they put in writing since it can later be used as evidence. If BM calls, even with the wording changed to above, record every phone conversation with her (pending state laws allow it), tell her that per the CO, all communication is to be via email or OFW, and hangup. Or don't answer. 

Boundaries are the only thing that will save DH with a HCBM like this. He needs to cut all non-essential communication, communicating only through the mediums mentioned above, using BIFF method (Google it). He needs to follow the CO to a tee and serve BM with contempt every time she violates the order or is out of line. If DH is paying CS, then pay CS and whatever else is agreed to (i.e. half of extracurriculars) and that's it. "No" is a complete sentence. 

Thumper's picture

There was a point where bm called up to 12 times a day when the kids were with us.

After SHE would call, bail out Granny (BM's MOM)  would call. Then bm's kid from another marriage would call. THEN the Adult neighbors would call, at one point a Pastors wife called. ---True story.

You bet the Judge stepped in.  An order was modified. She was restricted. --Oh it doesn't stop there, but I'll focus on the subject of telephone calls. 


IF dad is going to go to court and he should, it is best to keep it strictly about the children. Such as,  The children deserve to have a schedule they can count on and not to disrupt their play time, activities and bonding time inside dads home. Something to that effect.

 Try to leave yourself out of request for call days and call times. . The focus is on the children ONLY

BUT, .  You could ask dh's lawyer what YOU can do about the bs bm is doing to you.  He may agree to write a letter to HER lawyer saying something like, if BM doesn't knock it off I have instructed my client to seek a protective order and all relief from the court. ...blah blah blahh.

So sorry you are going thru this. 

*this was around the time bm was forever blocked BY US, from all of our emails too. That is another story, for another day.




Rags's picture



We never had this problem. The SpermClan, never once in the 16+ years of the CO ever called to speak to the Skid. SpermGrandHag would call to shreek at DW, the Spermidiot would call upon occassion to break down in tears to profess his love and adoration for my DW and how much he missed his family, but never once, asked to speak with SS. DW would laugh at  him and hand the phone to the SKid.  DickHead would say a couple of words and hang up.

Much of this was pre cell phone, and way before OFW. If we were doing it now, we would be all over OFW so their crap would be instantly reviewable by the Judge.

As it was, we recorded every phone call, saved every ranting answering machine message, DW logged every interface in a journal, etc....  SS would dig through the file cabinet looking for facts when some BullShit they spouted did not pass the smell test. They hated that but... facts... they matter and kids who have the facts can protect themselves in real time as they are growing up and just as importantly protect themselves as adults. People that would lie, manipulate, and PAS a kid will not stop just because that kid becomes an adult.

Because we kept him abreast of the facts in an age appropriate manner, my SS-30 keeps the shallow and polluted end of his gene pool in their place.  When they attempt to manupulate and guilt him, he shuts in down in a hurry.  

And they still try, even though they know he will shred them when they lie, etc....