What do I do?
Okay second post here. The SD5 has become very disrespectful to me since my last post, (but only when her dad isn't around). FH works third shift, leaves at 10pm and gets home about 8:30am. So I have SD from whenever she wakes up until FH wakes up between 3-4pm. She can be such a good kid at times, and other times almost unbearable to be around. It is things like she is very demanding, she comes to ask me for a snack, and says "I want snacky NOW!". Also when her dad isn't around I don't have a name, I am "Hey you!". This little girl treats me like her personal servant. It is hard for me to deal with because she only does it when her dad is asleep. She has also taken to trying to go wake him up during the day when she isn't getting what she wants. She can be quite bratty. My question is how do I go about approaching this subject with her father? She isn't respectful to me at all, and she is quite rude around her father when he is up during the day. He is able to just brush it off. How do I explain to him that the level of rudeness is acceptable when he is awake, but when he isn't here, it is out of control.
I believe the problem is, that there isn't any real discipline, she gets whatever she wants, whenever she wants it. That is going to turn her into a real brat. How do I convince her father that this is a real problem that needs to be "nipped in the bud" before it gets completly out of control. For example, yesterday she wanted to go to the park, my car is out of commission at the moment and her dad drives a stick (which I can't drive) so I couldn't take her. I told her that daddy would take her when he got up. Well being the demanding child that she is, she decided that she needed to go get daddy up now! She waited until I went out on the patio to smoke, and snuck into her fathers bedroom (which is off limits and she know it) and attempted to wake him up to take her to the park. I promtly attepted a time out ( which is FH's preffered method of discipline). and I was told that she only lets "her mommy and daddy" give her time outs. I made her take a time out anyway. How did FH deal with this situation when he got up? HE TOOK HER TO THE DAMN PARK!!!!! Seriously there is something wrong with this! If she misbehaves to get what she wants, she sure as hell shouldn't get it!
How do I address this issue to FH without coming off as a b****? I am just very frustrated with this situation, and if I am expected to watch her as much as I am, I believe that he should be expected to help me reinforce the discipline. This child really enjoys testing me, and I need his help!!!!!!!!!
You tell him the truth. You
You tell him the truth. You are his wife and shouldn't feel like you have to walk on eggshells when it comes to issues about her. If he doesn't believe you then get drastic. Hide a video camera on and catch her in the act. Start by just telling him. Don't be scolding or nagging just gentle. He should get the point. What a brat. At least she'll be in school soon, right?
I agree with Blended Fam.
I agree with Blended Fam. Love and Logic helped a lot with that one for me. When SS4 and SS5 act too demanding or snotty, I tell them "I only like to help kids who talk nicely to me." I then wait for them to rephrase it nicely or if they want to continue to act snotty I don't do it for them. As for your FH, maybe you two could set up consequences if she goes into his room. Let her know ahead of time what it will be and most importantly follow through.
Yes she starts school in less
Yes she starts school in less than three weeks, it will be a huge load off of me to not have her by myself all day every day. He is a great dad, and her behavior is much better while he is around, I believe that is why he doesn't view it as the same way that I do. She is really a great kid, she just has some really BAD moments. I would expect to deal with this with any child, even my own (when I have them). I just find myself in an odd position, that this isn't my child and I have to let him handle how she is raised, I just think he needs to be a little more strict with unacceptable behavior. She would be the perfect kid if we could end the whining and tantrums.
Here's what I think. She
Here's what I think. She isn't your child to raise. Right. BUT if YOU are the one with her most of the time and dh expects you to watch her then yes, you do have a say in it. If he doesn't want you involved with her then he can find someone to take care of her. Just how I see it. My ss spends most of his time with me this summer and yes I do have authority to discipline, correct, or tell him what to do, if needed.
That is my thinking, this
That is my thinking, this isn't my child, and I don't HAVE to watch her. If he doesn't want to back me up and help me out he can put her in daycare. I just don't want it to turn into an arguement. Or come off as though I am telling him how to raise his child. Once she goes to school it wont be as much of an issue. This child does know how to act right, she just thinks that I can't do anything about it when she acts up.
Here is a thought for you
Here is a thought for you from someone who deals with children for a living (and also has 2 SKids and a 7 month old) A great tool that is often used when dealing with difficult students is REDIRECTING! For instance if SD wants to go to the park but you can not take her, instead of saying "no sorry we can't go, my car doesn't work and I can't drive daddy's car" try "no sorry, we can't go to the park right now, but would you like to make brownies or watch your favorite cartoon? and if you are good, then we will take you when daddy wakes up." of course you are going to need your hubbys help on this.. as he needs to tell her that when he is sleeping that he musn't be disturbed unless YOU see fit and if SD does then there will be consequences. But as you know you and your hubby need to be on the same team!! you might as well stick your head in the microwave now if he is not going to back you up when it comes to discipline. she's at the age now where she is being shaped into what she will become in the future and I bet your husband does not want a whiney, manipulative, bossy, disrespectful teenager!
Totally understand where you
Totally understand where you are coming from, DaizyDuke, when being paid to care for others' children we have to follow state guidelines etc.. but I am not being paid to deal with hubby's bratty, disrespectful kids, & refuse to offer all sorts of rewarding activities for them which take up my only free time as well. I was raised by Dad & Stepmom, & we read books, or rode bicycles: we entertained ourselves. I want to REDIRECT his kids away from my rectum when they act out, not spend even more time doing things for & with them which they don't appreciate anyway. They go back to BM & tell lies that we don't feed them or do anything fun. I'd like to show them what that would truly be like just one weekend..but of course could never be that cruel. I think they only way they'll ever appreciate all the buttkissing their mother & father do for them is to be without it for awhile. I also wish I was brave enough or stupid enough to say all these things to the specific people who need to hear it instead of rambling online to no particular person who probably doesn't even read it anywho. LoL I do tend to agree with the ones who mention that children running too many homes when they need to be learning how to become adults & sometimes NO is just plain NO.
I love it blender, I totally
I love it blender, I totally agree!