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I bring out the worst in him

MrsFitMama's picture

Submitted by MrsFitMama on Mon, 04/18/2011 - 10:07am

After an argument last night, he admitted he is never like this and I bring out the worst in him. He doesn't like speaking to me the way he has... that he gets tired of us constantly fighting and my nagging that he's in over his head. He said his patience is wearing thin. He wants to "nip things in the bud" right when there's a disagreement... it ALWAYS turns heated. I want to walk away from the argument and cool off... plus there's inappropriate times for these things and he can give a damn less.

Yeah... I didn't get much sleep last night. I was laying bed thinking about everything. He laid there restless against me. "you might as well be 1000 miles away... I hate when you pull your love away from me." All I did was roll my eyes. "Well... I'm just laying here so I don't know what to tell you."
"Desiree... do you love me?"
"No... I moved halfway across the states because I WANT to be fighting and arguing. I WANTED to give up a life of my own to be dealing with this...and you're questioning my love???"

And I admit... I can get testy. Especially at a certain point. As I learn to fight my fairly with his and alter and be more mature with how we discuss things (he knows this), he continues the same unfair fighting which is getting worse.

No freaking where to go over here. No friends. No family. No money.
Sure he can say if I'm that unhappy to pack my shit up and leave... Ummmm... hello?! I can't! And he knows this.

He even has the audacity to say that when we argue, I'm not the same with towards his girls. MOTHERF!CKER I am TRYING!!!! You're lucky I don't run off... but instead, I know it isn't their fault and push myself to be there for them... He said he knows it looks forced. YES!!! IT fucking is. I don't love them unconditionally. We're still all strangers living in the same house. So excuse me if I have to force the effort because they are not mine... you make that clear...

Comments

stormabruin's picture

Submitted by stormabruin on Mon, 04/18/2011 - 10:29am

"He doesn't like speaking to me the way he has..."
-----------------------------------------------------
BUT HE CHOOSES TO ANYWAY.

DO NOT let him blame you for the choices he makes. I just skimmed your other post & can see that your husband is abusive & controlling. DO NOT let him break you. Too many women allow men to break them...their spirit, their heart, their self-worth & confidence. Men who do this are bullies! Your husband is a bully! He will continue to be one until you make it stop.

So what if you can get testy. Evidently he can too. We all can. We all do...typically when we are being bullied! That does not justify his behavior.

His questions to you are unfair. He's trying to manipulate the situation. He's trying to make YOU out to be the one who treats him poorly, & HE is the victim.

So, you don't have friends or family nearby. Can you move closer to them? I live across the country from my family, but I knew their doors were always open to me if I needed to come back. Especially when I shared what was going on with my ex with them.

Do what you need to do to rid yourself of him. You deserve to feel happy. You deserve to feel appreciated, & you deserve to feel loved. Only you can make it happen.

overit2's picture

Submitted by overit2 on Mon, 04/18/2011 - 12:04pm

"After an argument last night, he admitted he is never like this and I bring out the worst in him. He doesn't like speaking to me the way he has... that he gets tired of us constantly fighting and my nagging that he's in over his head. He said his patience is wearing thin. He wants to "nip things in the bud" right when there's a disagreement... it ALWAYS turns heated. I want to walk away from the argument and cool off... plus there's inappropriate times for these things and he can give a damn less. "

OH GOD>>>> barf..typical abuser speak...right out of the manual-if i had a dime for everytime these abusers use those lines I'd be a billionaire.

The "i'm not like this YOU made me this way....you bring out the worst, or the "all couples fight in front of kids"...geesh-make your exit plan and don't waste another day with this loser.

happymostly's picture

Submitted by happymostly on Mon, 04/18/2011 - 7:23pm

Man alot of those things you described in your blog yesterday and today remind me of my stbx H. He never hit me so I didnt really think what he was doing to me as abuse, because he didnt really go out and call me names, but he had his little ways of belittling me and disrepecting me. I didnt like how he talked to me when we argued, almost like he was talking down to me, but when I tried to explain it to him or others, but i KNEW how it made me feel and it didnt feel good. He also blamed me for alot of things, that I was the one who needed help, because Im the one who is f'ed up in the head.

Many times I wish he would of hit me so I could justify leaving because I didnt feel like my reasons weren't 'good enough' or that they were small problems. But they really weren't. He was very manipulative and controlling in little ways. He had anger issues as well and like your husband, wouldnt let there be a cool down period, even though I felt like it was usually always the best thing so he could cool down and I could compose my thoughts. Me and my stbx H were only married for 10 months before I called it quits because I knew I wasnt in love with him and was 99% sure he was cheating on me. I knew I couldnt live my life like that anymore and Ive never been happier now! I really hope you figure out what you need to do. I dont think you want to live your life like this forever. I hope you find the strength. Because either he changes his behavior or you will continue feeling like this. I'll be thinking about you!