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Control and Resposibility.

Kay2's picture

Just a thought, and an arguement with FDH.

BM in our situation sees SD 90-100 days a year at most. I had an argument with FDH tonight about the fact that I am very close to side stepping resposibility for SD5. I am tired of being resposible for a child that I have no say over. Our arguement centered around SD riding the school bus. BM doesn't want SD to ride the school bus, FDH didn't seem to care one way or another until BM started bitching. I rode the school bus from K-10, and it was good enough for me. My problem with it is, these two want to decide that the school bus isn't good enough for SD, but I am the only one here to drive her. I don't feel I should be responsible when I didn't get a say in the disicion. She is their daughter I get that. So one of them needs to drive her to school. (BM is out of state and FDH's work schedule doesn't allow for him to do it.) Unless they can find someone who wants to do it, I think Princess should be riding the fucking bus! I feel like I should have say, if I am expected to have the resposibility.

Point being, disengaging from SD related resposibility has seemed more and more appealing latley. I don't mind doing things like this for FDH but BM does NOTHING for this kid. Fine butt out Kay aint not bus service here.

Rags's picture

Sounds like SD is on the bus. If dad and BM are not there to drive her to school it is not their call. Put her ass on the bus and if FDH or BM have a problem with it tell them that they can figure out how to get their kid to school.

If we had tried to prevent our son (my SS) from riding the bus when he was in kindergarten he would have knocked us off in our sleep. He was one kid that loved school and loved the bus. At least he loved school when he was in K-7. 8-12 was a struggle though. We considered keeping him in pre-school for an extra year before letting him start K. His pre-school teacher begged us to let him go on to K because he was ready intellectually, accademically and he was very excited about riding the bus. In hind site we probably should have kept in pre-school for an extra year. That may have given him time to overcome the maturity deficit that has plagued him since he was in K.

But, at the time we could not say no to that tow headed cute little kid. What the hell happened to that kid anyway?

happymostly's picture

Seems like sd rides the bus then! Not your kid not your problem. If you werent around, what would fdh do? Not sure of your work situation, but what if your job didnt allow you to take her to school? bm will just have to get over it!

Angel72's picture

Just clearly state to your FDH that it is between exwife and him and that i guess he needs to find someone to pay to drive his daughter to school since you have no say and it truly isnt your responsibility. Right?
You have other things to do and driving your sd is not one of them. Not your problem. Its your FDH's and he has a decision.
1. She takes the bus
2. He pays for someone to take her.
3. He can rearrange his work schedual to fit what life decisions he makes responsibily for his daughter.
Oh and dont' expect to have that responsibility and dont' let both of them use you for their benefits if they will not include you in as a co-parent.
I wish all divorces would just get along and see each others partners as honest loving help as co-parents. I have friends who are divorced and their partners all together talk about what has to be done for the kids since all interact and are a part of kids lives....Its just soooo sad that people can get along, dont share and create these boundaries that in then just make things harder and complicate the childs life life is not complicated enough when you aren't divorced !

Jsmom's picture

She can take the damn bus. Not your kid. If they don't like it, they need to figure out a solution other than expecting you to do it. Millions of kids take the bus, why is their's so special????

grayskies's picture

if bm lives out of state, she does not have a say so in your daily lives, YOU do. she has left the raising and the responsibility of her child to other people and THEY make those decisions. she can make daily life decisions when she has physical custody (visits, etc). your fdh needs to let her know that what happens in your household is up to you and him. period. and then work it out between the two of you.

on the fence's picture

There is no way on God's green earth that I would let BM and SO decide to make me the skids transportation! That is ludicrous! What do they think you are, the oldest child in the house or the maid?

I would be spitting mad if SO could not see that! Not to mention the waste of time, gas and whatever when there's a perfectly good bus.

No way!

Mom to 5's picture

I'm in agreement with everyone here. The bus is a perfectly good option and if your husband and the BM want your help, then they should consider your input. They can't have it both ways.

Stand your ground on this one.

Butterflykissesandlicks's picture

Oh jeez. BM and DH are the same exact way with SD6 about the bus thing which makes me gag. Last year they both tried to get me to go all the way over to her school for 4-K pick-up after I got off work and I said "NO." Never brought up again and better not ever be. The kid can take the bus like every other kid does. Give me a break.

IslandofDreams's picture

Since SO and BM have decided that SD will NOT take the bus, They can come up with a solution that will get her to school ontime. Since your opinion does not have any bearing on the decision, your driving SD should not be part of the solution.

I have a similar situation. BM feels that her Princess11 and Princess10 are too good to take the bus. She makes the arrangements for them to get there. The Princesses live with her.

The argument I would propose would be that the school district provides free busing, why would you use your time and gas money on something you do not agree with? Also, taking the bus instills responsibilty (getting to the bus stop on time) and independence. It also allows SD to have free time making friends on the bus.

Eyes Wide Open's picture


ME: "so, if her highness isn't riding the bus, however will she get to school?"
DH: Deer in the headlights look
ME: "I may not have any say in how your raise your child, but I do have a say in what I do with MY life"
DH: "ummmm...."
ME: "Effective immediately, you and BM can no longer dictate to me what you wish done with your child. If you don't like it, hire a nanny (as he gets handed the yellow pages!)"
DH: Stomps out of room