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Is this weird?

LBS714's picture

So, I think it's kinda weird that my SS9 comes and lays in our bed with my bf every morning. My bf doesn't get up until I'm leaving (around 6am), so he can have exclusive use of our bathroom. I totally get that because right now we are squeezed into a very small house, doesn't have doubly vanity so I use the mirror for makeup/hair etc in the morning. But, after I get up and get moving, SS9 comes into our bed, on MY side, and lays with his dad until my bf tells him to get up and get ready. I just feel weird about that. This is OUR bed, the bed we have sex in and cuddle in. I just feel like SS9 is way too old and he needs to be worrying about getting up and dressed for school in the morning, not getting in our bed on MY side while my bf sleeps. Opinions?! 

LBS714's picture

if I bring it up to my bf, he will ask me why does it bother me? How does it effect me and so on? He doesn't think it's a big deal. I just think it's gross. That's where I sleep, ya know? 

hereiam's picture

So, he wouldn't mind if the neighbor kid came and laid in his side of the bed?

This is his kid, no relation to you, why would you be okay with him in your bed? The thought and the picture of him in your bed is not very conducive to sleep OR to sex. And I would let your BF know that.

 

tog redux's picture

Don't put up with that. If you don't want him in your bed, say so. I don't want ANYONE in my bed other than me and DH.

Little boys are stinky, they don't bathe or wipe their butts well. But you shouldn't have to justify it. Just tell BF, no more. Let him pout.

 

Java_Junkie's picture

I still can't believe nobody brought this up.

The wet spot.

Kids do not belong in the bed of the consensual adults.

----------------------------------

When SKids come into our bedroom, I fart. Any complaints or comments, I point out that if they don't like what I do in my room, they can go. I do this because pleasant requests and words are basically useless on them.

hereiam's picture

Yuck.

CompletelyPuzzled's picture

I don't think its weird that you dont want the skid in your bed.  My DH and I don't allow any kids in our bed, skid or bio.

justmakingthebest's picture

No kids in our bed. Nope, nope, nope. 

They aren't even allowed in our bedroom.

Monkeysee's picture

Sometimes my YSS will hop on the bed with us for a kiss or tickles in the morning, but he’s ON the bed, not in it. He also knocks before coming in, he doesn’t just barge in, and he’s only ever there for about 5 minutes. OSS used to come in as well when he was younger but he’s outgrown it.

There is no laying in our bed for SS’s, ever, and they’re not allowed to hang out in our room. They have their own beds & rooms. 9 is way too old to be snuggling in bed with daddee, especially every single morning. 

tog redux's picture

Yes, occasionally my SS would sit ON our bed, that was fine with me.  But DH would have been the first one to boot his smelly ass out of our bed.  Why does a man need to snuggle with his 9-year-old son? Blech.

LBS714's picture

Ya'll.. So, last night, SS9 wanted to take a shower in OUR shower (mine and bf's) but I told him no, that ya'll kids have a bathroom, so use it. I slid in "I already have to share my bed with you every morning, can I atleast keep my own bathroom".. and how about this morning, NO L IN MY BED!!!! I feel like I've won a small victory. 

TrueNorth77's picture

Yes!!

Btw, I wouldn't want SD9 or SS12 in my spot in the bed in the morning either. It's a personal space to me, I don't want anyone in it. When I moved in with my SO we made a rule at my urging, which SO agreed to easily- skids must always knock before coming in, and then only if it's an emergency. Now the rule has morphed into no skids in our bedroom. We have "personal" things lying around that skids do NOT need to see. If you have a similar situation, perhaps you could spin it that way- Our bedroom is our space, there are things in there that are not kid-friendly, and there's less of a chance of SS encountering those things if he's not allowed in the bedroom, period. Oh, and if you want to get lucky, you'll probably want to keep our bedroom as a place I don't picture skids. Maybe even go out and buy some sex toys and leave them lying around if it continues to back up your plan Blum 3

Ugh, this "why does it bother you, how does it affect you, blah blah blah". It just DOES!!! Why is it more important for him to be in there?! It has to end at some point, might as well be now.

Java_Junkie's picture

We have "personal" things lying around that skids do NOT need to see. If you have a similar situation, perhaps you could spin it that way- Our bedroom is our space, there are things in there that are not kid-friendly, and there's less of a chance of SS encountering those things if he's not allowed in the bedroom, period.

I have firearms that I keep in a safe, and I keep knives around as well. I'm not "that guy" with an arsenal and all that, but I promise you, I DO NOT WANT THESE IRRESPONSIBLE CHILDREN OF HERS ANYWHERE NEAR MY STUFF. It's not a toy, and it's not for anyone but me. I'd just as soon leave it so that they don't know where it is or how to get to it.

TrueNorth77's picture

Same!

Java_Junkie's picture

These kids never had a dad to tell them TOOLS ARE NOT TOYS, so I have my detached one-car garage which I'd just as soon they never set foot in, ESPECIALLY when I'm not in there keeping an eye on them. Not dissing them, just pointing out that they are clueless and don't know better, and every time I've tried to show SS anything - ANYTHING - he gets bored because it doesn't involve sports. My prediction: At best, he will become JUST ANOTHER DIME-A-DOZEN DUMB JOCK. He's already taking the simplest classes so he can keep his grades up so he can keep playing sports.

So, NO. Until these SKids get the right attitude, they don't get to do any of that stuff. I don't see it ever happening.

Java_Junkie's picture

If it were to continue, I'd recommend suggesting to your BF that you both go have some cuddle time in your SS's bed. He will surely think that's WEIRD. "But, how is THAT weird when your son sleeping on MY side of the bed ISN'T weird? For that matter, let's imagine, he's away for the day, and I just go and *plop myself down in his bed.* It'd feel really weird to me, wouldn't it to you as well? 'Cause if it DOESN'T, we may need to reconsider the direction of this relationship or get a counselor or something."

Usually, bioparents are simply unable to put themselves into the SParents' shoes well enough to really grasp it, so you have to PUT THEM THERE. I've had to do that or call DW back to a specific moment to get her to really see what I meant, and even still, there's no guarantee. Bioparents are generally overforgiving in the eyes of SParents, and SParents are generally emotionally disconnected in the eyes of the bioparents.

If it was easy, this message board wouldn't exist! Thank you to all the mods and admins!

tog redux's picture

Not all bioparents.  Just the ones people post about on here.

My DH would be the first one to kick SS out of our bed, and if he didn't, if I asked for it, the kid would get the boot. He'd never dream of saying,"How does having him on your side of the bed affect you though?" like the OP's BF did.

Java_Junkie's picture

When I'm out of town, DW doesn't mind if her daughter sleeps on my side of the bed. To me, it's a little odd, being that she's a teenager (almost 14 now), but, whatever... I don't lose my mind on it, though I did ask her once, "If my bioson slept on YOUR side of the bed when you're out of town, how would that feel?" Ahh, the twisting and contorting facial expressions as she mulls thoughts like that. I know she'd absolutely HATE it, but if she admitted it, then she'd admit I was right to find it odd she let her daughter sleep on MY side of the bed - and we all know the slope after that ain't no "bunny hill." She'd have to admit she hasn't been a PARENT, but she's being a FRIEND. Is that good or fair? Heh, need I actually ASK?