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Stepson watches others in the house getting dressed

Thisismyusername's picture

I have seen my stepson standing on top of his bed looking out his door down the hall to my room and watching me get dressed when I thought he was asleep. Needless to say, I always shut the door and lock it now when I'm dressing. I felt awful and horrified that it was my fault for leaving the door cracked when I thought he was asleep. But he still never knocks and will walk right in on me in the bathroom or my room. It hasn't happened since I've shut and locked the door and I know kids are curious so I chalked it up as my mistake. But my bio son has complained that my skid has watch him getting dressed a handful of times too. My son is eight and my stepson will be eight in two weeks. So they are around the same age and I was thinking it may just be out of curiosity as well. But it really bothers my son. I've talked to my son about closing his door and that we dont live alone anymore, that there are other people in our home so we all need to shut doors for our own privacy. So He has been shutting his door when getting dressed every time now, but the last time this happened (two days ago) he took a shower in my room and got dressed in my room as well. My door was half open and I heard my son saying stop watching me and see my step son awkwardly standing in the hall watching him again. How do I bring this up to my husband to talk to my skid about not staring when someone is getting dressed, even if they forget to shut the door? Do I just leave it alone? The reason I think something might need to be said is because it's still happening. I know my son should have shut the door, but it's still quite weird to me why my skid keeps watching.

Thisismyusername's picture

I do agree that not saying anything makes the situation quite weird. I have recently been trying to tred lightly in the subject of my step son when talking to my husband. We have had quite a number of problems with his behavior and I feel awful anytime I have to bring something else up. Thats the reason I asked here first if I need to even bring it up! Thank you! I think mentioning it as being nosy will go over a lot smoother than "why is he freaking watching us get dressed all the time" lol.

hollyissad's picture

If this were my SS, I would sit him down and have a talk about what is and is not appropriate behavior. Such as, it is appropriate to ask questions about the male and female body, or to check out library books on anatomy if you are curious. It is not appropriate to watch other people undress. We have to respect other people's rights to privacy, and other people need to respect your right to privacy.

Yes, doors should be locked, but this child needs to be told that this is not okay, and makes others uncomfortable.

Thisismyusername's picture

I absolutely agree! My husbands mother and father were looking after my ss before we were married, while my husband was stationed overseas, and I believe a lot of this behavior is because of the sort of weird things they did. At least to me they are weird. My ss was still taking showers with his grandparents and they were still washing him etc., something I stopped doing with my son a while ago.

hollyissad's picture

ETA: I would absolutely tell my partner or husband and have him be a leader in this discussion.

zea.momie's picture

You could try talking about it to your son in front of DH. Explain again that he needs to shut doors and that will help ensure his privacy from SS watching him. This way your DH is made aware of the problem without it being a direct negative against SS. Plus it ensures he knows you are trying to handle it so if it needs to be addressed to him later for him to handle he knows you tried and just need help.

Thisismyusername's picture

Thanks ladies! I'm having quite the day with SS as we speak, and of course he only acts up when DH is gone. Ugh.

onthefence2's picture

I'm sorry...WHAT?! Why would anyone tiptoe around this at all?

You sit down with dh and tell him exactly what you have shared here. And you tell him that he needs to handle it. And you tell him that there might be more to all this, because there MIGHT. This is NOT normal behavior. It is highly possible that grandpa was inappropriate with him. Please do not let this fester because you don't know everything that this child has experienced and there could be something that can be helped now. And definitely close and lock all doors when changing.

Rags's picture

Call SS on this crap when it happens infront of who every is present. Escalate to DH and let him know that he either deals with it or his spawn is gone from the family home.

This is not something to be tolerated IMHO.

Never once did I ever watch my parents dressing or undressing growing up and though I obviously understand the difference between SS's peeping Tom behaviors with your DS and yourself and if he was peeping at his dad it is entirely inappropriate and SS needs to be confronted with the full consequences for this behavior.

Curiosity or not... it is inappropriate.

Good luck.