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What Do You Think?

kimm1960's picture

We have been having some problems with my 14yr. old stepson. I always believed he was a really great kid and we always got along well. But honestly now I am starting to wonder. His BM is still very bitter toward DH to this day, eight years after the divorce. They have been back and forth to court six times in eight years. And she has done everything she can to make sure he doesn't have a close relationship with his father. Anyway a few things have happened that have really surprised us. He broke a chair and didn't tell us and we didn't discover it until after he left. Another weekend he got a bloody nose while watching TV on the couch and didn't tell us and turned all the cushions upside down. Again I didn't notice until after he left and when I turned them right side up there was blood spots on them. He didn't even attempt to clean them off, just tried to hide them. When my DH asked him why he didn't tell us these things his only response both times was, " I don't know" Then we caught him getting up in the middle of the night and looking at porn on our computer. When he was confronted with this, he cried and wouldn't say anything. I know he is the baby of the family but these type of responses from a 14 year old are ridiculous. The next thing we know DH is getting a call from BM. DH had listed her under B*tch 1 in his cell phone and she was throwing a fit. Granted it was wrong to do and DH apologized and removed it. It was SS who told her about it. So obviously at some point he had found his dad's phone and went through it. But last weekend was a real kick in the teeth. My 20 year old DD was away for the weekend. I woke up at 2:00 AM with a headache and went to the kitchen to get some Advil. On my way I noticed my DD's bedroom light on and I was pretty upset that she would go away for a weekend and leave it on (we have to get on all the kids about turning off the light when you leave the room)so I went to turn it off. Just as I got to her door it came open and out comes SS. I asked what he was doing and he said Nothing and walked past me into his room and shut the door. I woke up my husband and told him and he got up and asked him what he was doing in DD's bedroom. He said he was looking for a board game like Twister. My DH asked him just who he thought he was going to play with since it was 2:00 in the morning and we were both asleep. He replied, "I don't know" My husband talked to him about respecting other people's privacy and told him to stay out of the room. We then locked the bedroom up until after he left. But it gets even better. On our way to take SS home ( a 45 minute drive) ss was asleep in the backseat (or so we thought) and DH and I were just having idle conversation. I mentioned that there was something on the news about how much home prices had dropped in Colorado (we were married there) and we could now get a $5,000,000 hoe for only $2.5 million. My husband starting laughing and said he was tired of dealing with snow and he was pretty sure we could get a house in Florida on the water for that kind of money. It was just a stupid only dreamin conversation. SS knows we don't have that kind of money, hell we don't have any money. He knows his father is on disability. He knows his mother has us back in court for more child support. We just never thought anything of any of this until Tuesday night. I get a call from my 19 yr. DD. She is at work and she said DH's 18 year old DD had just come into her work and wa questioning her about the fact that DH and I were looking at homes in Colorado and Florida so that we could move. Needless to say my daughter was very upset thinking we were moving out of state and I hadn't told her yet. My DH called SS after school the next day so he could talk to him without BM being there. When asked why he would tell BM something like that his response again was " I don't know" DH asked him if he were rewarded in swomeway for taking info back to BM and he said no. DH told him when he could start respecting other people's privacy and quit spying for his mother he could come back over. How would anyone else handle this? I am really starting to dread being around him because of this. I kind of feel like I have been duped and he is not the wonderful ss I thought he was.

melis070179's picture

I would hold him accountable for his actions, make him give an answer besides I don't know. He does know. Tell him to think about why did it/said it or whatever the case may be and give an answer. Don't let him off the hook with I don't know. Make your expectations very clear & ask him if he understands, then tell him the consequences if he doesn't comply, for example...if he looks up porn on the computer (I would make his own log in with parental controls) then he will not be able to use the computer anymore. Obviously if he flipped over the cushions then he knows bleeding on the couch without letting you know was wrong, cause he tried to hide it, so make him accountable. He knows better. Be firm & consistent with discipline & don't let him be disrespectful!

Most Evil's picture

I am proud of your DH for questioning him and saying to knock it off!! It is clear he is spying on you all and reporting back to BM. It did cross my mind that he may be looking in your DD's clothing drawers? (is this a teen thing? I don't know). But he must need a lot more scrutiny, as he gets older, unfortunately.

"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin

mombydefault's picture

Don't you just hate those dumb-founded stares and 'I don't know' responses that skids give.