SD7 behavioral issues
I have been reluctant to move in with my partner due to so many issues with his daughter. We currently have a baby on the way. He gets his daughter every single weekend. My weekends are literally ruined. I cannot enjoy my own son, and I dread every weekend. I dont think I want to move in together even though we are having a baby beacuse of his daughter. She is 7, still sucks her thumb, pees the bed, manipulates, lies and just messes with my son so much. She recently shoved something in his ear I had to have removed, and sharpied his things. That was my breaking point. I am scared for how she will be to the new baby, when she knows better and still is so mean to my son. He told me I need to get over it, and that he's getting her every weekend. I told him that's fine, but we dont have to live together. The amount of anxiety and stress I have is out of control. I suggested she see a counselor to help with her behavior issues, and it was rejected. She talks about licking buttholes, hits her private parts, just does a lot of inappropriate things a 7 year old shouldnt be doing. My concerns are rejected and I am told I am just jealous of her. I am not, I am concerned for her well-being, my sons well-being, and my own. I have tried so hard to bond with her, but it's just not there. We are not married, but have been together a few years and the issues have gotten worse. Am I wrong for feeling like this? I like my weekends, they are my time off. I just don't think I have it in me for her fits, meanness while taking care of my son and a newborn unless she gets some help.
You are NOT wrong. Do NOT
You are NOT wrong. Do NOT move in with your SO until his daughter behaves better.
If she treats your son poorly, how do you think she is going to treat the baby?
What does your SO do when his daughter treats your son poorly? Anything? Or is it excuses?
He is clearly not concerned about his daughter's behavior - so all you need to be worried about is you and your children. You do not want to move in... DON'T.
I wouldn’t move in with that,
I wouldn’t move in with that, and it’s pretty darn creepy that her father hasn’t tried to get his kid some help. And by enabling his daughter, I really hope you realize he is just as much to blame, if not more because he is an adult. I get having his baby makes it really hard to disentangle yourself... I would have disentangled myself a long time ago if not for my kids, and my SD isn’t half as bad. She’s a little psycho with her jealousy towards them, but she loves them and wouldn’t hurt them. Maybe if you were to get your son’s doctor to get child services involved, or file a police report, it might push the issue, dad would be forced to get help for his daughter. It might destroy your relationship, but it may also protect your kids from the both of them in the future.
I'd like to smack whoever
I'd like to smack whoever started this whole "their just jealous" thing anytime someone doesnt like or get along with them. As if it's impossible to just not like someone or be upset at their behavior.
Anyway, most of that behavior is not at all normal. Most kids do start to experiment with lying around that age, but it still needs to be dealt with. My DH was in denial that SD would lie at first because he thought she was too young and now even though he realizes it's harder to put a stop to and she lies probably more than she tells the truth. About anything and everything.
If you're gut reaction is not to move in I'd probably go with that. Having a baby together definitely makes it more complicated but that doesn't mean moving in is the best option.
I've also never bonded with my SD. I've pretty much accepted that I'm not going to ever most likely. Like you said, it's just not there.
No way should you move in
No way should you move in with him. You'd be doing both yourself and your son a huge disservice. Frankly, I'd be reconsidering the relationship, baby on the way or not, because of how dismissive and unconcerned with your concerns he is. Sounds like it's his way or the highway where SD is concerned, and that is not fair to you or your children. I'd be worried about the safety of my children.
She talks about licking
What does her dad say to her and do when she does these things? Is she only saying this at dad's or is she saying it at mom's or school too?
Do not move in until you and partner can get on the same page about her behavior and the dad has shown that he is working on it appropriately. You won't be able to supervise her every minute and your description of her behavior is not safe for your son.
He says she’s just joking.. I
He says she’s just joking.. I said that’s not something to joke about.
Very disturbing even if he
Very disturbing even if he thinks that she's "joking". That's not something you joke about period.....Is your partner not all up there????
He says she does no wrong and
He says she does no wrong and it’s just joking is always his excuse. He took her iPad away and she beat his leg so hard. He said it didn’t hurt so it didn’t matter.. you’re a grown man, she’s 7, that’s not acceptable.
Please follow your instincts
Please follow your instincts on this and DO NOT move in with your SO. He has no regard for the safety of your child and he's not making the effort to address his daughters issues. She desperately needs therapy, her behavior is not normal and she's being physical and talking very inappropriately. Is it possible that she has been abused? Does SD's behavior not alarm him? I wouldn't want to subject my children to this behavior and next time your son can be hurt worse.
Your SO is dismissing your concerns and the fact that he wants you to "get over it" is alarming. I don't want to tell you to leave him but I don't see how staying with him and his daughter is healthy for you and yours. I know you have a child on the way so please consider on how to move forward with perhaps co-parenting. You & your kids will suffer if SD doesn't get help.
Personally, I would not only
Personally, I would not only not move in with someone like your SO.. he wouldn't BE my SO. Have your child. Get a custody order and have him pay child support. Be vigilant because when he has custody of your child.. you won't be there to protect the baby from his daughter.
Your SO appears to have little respect for you.
Something is wrong with BF
Dont move in. You are only asking for major trouble. Where SD does no wrong