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Flustered's picture

My BD married a guy with BC. They are now a blended family of his and hers and it's working well. Her problem is his ex who constantly berates him ( he is such a kind and loving Dad and my BD adores his kids as he adores hers, my BGK). Both went thru divorces from hell/ as I did from her Dad 30 years ago).... What is the best way to support them beyond talking..... my BD has just spent 7 mos. Seeing me thru hell with her SS ( BD of my DH / we were a 2nd marriage)

now that I'm a widow & cutting ties with my toxic SD  and going forward concentrating on my BD and her family? Any hints on great ways to help her with her blended family? I don't want her ever to deal with the cr*p I got from my SD/ my DHs BD. 

 

Survivingstephell's picture

 Boundaries.  Protect the marriage, it's the main priority for adults, kids are top responsibility.  United front.  

justmakingthebest's picture

If he is super high conflict, suggest something like Our Family Wizard for communications. Stick to the CO. Make sure her CO is clear cut! Boundaries!

Merry's picture

 Given that you can't control his ex, you can just counter with love, acceptance. If the ex berates him, you be the one to compliment him, especially when kids are present. Love beats hate every day.

Rags's picture

My DW and I have not had a toxic blended marriage.  We raised SS-30 together with standards of bahavior and performance and setting an example of a strong equity life partnership, mature adult lives, and successful careers.

If your DD and her DH have a quality relationship you won't need to do more than be her mom and your BGKs grand mother.

 

Flustered's picture

My BGK & SGK All get along as do my BD & SIL. It's a great blended family. Granted they only have each set of kids half of the week while the ex spouses have the other half but my BD Actually coparents with her ex while my SIL is going through hell with his ex. Not his parents (nor I know the two of them) raise any Derogatory issues-in front of the kids. I get along well with his parents. I truly feel bad for his kids because the minute they go home there's poison pills from their BM. I can't say I'm actually too happy with the BF of my BGK because he's not exactly following all of the coparenting/he does the " I'll one up you on buying them stuff" ; Then he tells my BD to buy them the same item so it's the same at both houses. (I do get them having a tablet because they use it even in the lower grades. I don't approve and I told my daughter so fancy video games where he's asking her to buy a second set so they have controllers for both. She doesn't agree either. ) I feel bad for her when My SIL Has to rush out at the last minute to buy some thing for his BD (or ask my BD to do it for his daughter) because his ex won't and says it's a waste of money/as in a nice dress for school dance. It's breaking my heart to see these new SKS of mine getting the shaft from their BM because I've been there and done it with my own BD as well as watching My own SD pull shit on my DH/ her BD.

 

 

Flustered's picture

Just added a post " appalled" that could go in this thread.

my BD and my SS are dealing with a crazy exBM ( his ex) as they try to raise 4 kids blended and nontoxic. So sad.