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Leaving because of lying adhd ss

Answers please's picture

So a mutual friend called me and said that my ss has told her son that I hit his mom.  This is absolutely not true.  When I told his mom what he said, she talked to him about it and told her he said something else.  He he can not tell the truth and I am worried about my son and having to defend myself from these accusations.  I am out!!   Please weigh in on this. 

 

elkclan's picture

So this is SS to friend to mom to you information? Ever played that 'telephone' game? Stuff gets twisted. I'm not saying don't take this seriously, but really... 

SonOfABrisketMaker's picture

Would do stuff like this. She'd tell her mom something horrible and we'd ask her about it and she would say she didn't say those things. But she did. She would tell her mom straight out that she never said those things to her if BM mentioned it in front of us. BM might be a lot of things but she's not a liar nor is she deaf.

Kes's picture

I would confront your SS about this give him to understand that lying about this is not on.   Your partner should be with you when this happens and back you up, too. Lying about abuse is completely wrong and he should understand the seriousness of this. 

Areyou's picture

I would leave. Don’t keep staying and waiting for the next horrible thing to happen. It won’t get better. These kids are aholes and the families they come from are living in their little warped realities that you will never be able to change. You see how sick their lives are because you are an outsider still. If you can’t be like them then it’s better to move on and find someone who is a better fit for you and your family.

Answers please's picture

Have you been around a adhd kid?  What you said is spot on.  I am just curious of what you went through that is similar?

Areyou's picture

Yes my skids have ADHD and the SD has ODD. What I do is disengage and medium chill and put my nose in the air like I can’t stand their trashy behavior. I also tell their dad about everything they do. they are held accountable so they behave around me. 

Areyou's picture

SD13 and SS15. Lying to your face about something so obvious and documented with pictures, screaming punching kicking each other in public, selfish and greedy behavior like spending all the money on themselves and not sharing with others (example we gave 12  dollars to split between three kids at diary queen and the one with ODD buys a $6 blizzard and forced the other two to get single cones), taking the best for themselves example best cut of food, best option of everything and leaving scraps for the others, leaving trash in spaces that are inappropriate, blatantly ignoring instructions and rules, leaving shit in the toilet on purpose, spilling things, trashing the house. Neither of them have any friends and That takes a toll on their self esteem but I don’t blame other kids for not wanting to hangout with them. Even their grandmas  say they are bullies and refuses to watch both of them at the same time. The grandmas have apologized to me about them and one aunt asked me not to let children affect my decision to be with DH.

Answers please's picture

I have just left a relationship because of it.  

I can not take the lies anymore. His mother believes everything he says.  Never takes my side even when I can quote word for word what I as said.  It’s always .... well that’s not what he Meant to say or he would never say that.  I have he problem with my parents as well.   No one wants to be around it And risk it affecting the other kids in the family.  

I tried everything and could not make progress.  It eventually led to me having anxiety every time I was around him.  Then it led to me not telling his mother about things because she would spin it or take the anger about it out on me.  

I was having a panick attach when I found out that he told a friend that I hit his mother.   And of course as predicted, he told her another story and she believed it. 

I love her but can not stay around the child. 

Goodluck's picture

"Answersplease"....now you see first hand what is meant by " love is NOT enough".

It's not. BE safe, get away from this mess before it becomes worse. One more thing,,,never look back.

 

 

streetglide16's picture

I hate that I got my kids involved with my ex and her skids. The one with ADHD, amongst other issues, was absolutely horrible to live with. The upheaval and turmoil it caused to everyone in that home was just too much and I ultimately decided to remove myself and my children from that situation. Her son would lie continuously about everything and you could always tell he was lying because he had that shit eating grin on his face...I confronted his mother and she attributed it to ADHD and the cycle continued. Now that we have stepped away its very easy to see how warped their reality is! Never again will I or my kids have to deal with that little asshole.

Goodluck's picture

As an adult in your community you do NOT want to be involved in this. Sir, your reputation as a good citizen may be tarnished, cps called and investigations started on you, your job may become in jeopardy....and months defending yourelf $$$$$$$

PROTECT yourself first. Get out of the house.

steponmeagain's picture

He is only 12 now.  The teen age years are coming and its going to get worse.  If your anxiety is kicking in now, wait until worse things start to happen and the lying gets worse as do the accusations.  As his mother doesn't believe you and would rather be his friend then his mother, its going to keep building up your resentment.  Hopefully you have a place to go to, at least for awhile.

Answers please's picture

Have you had experience around a teenage adhd kid?

didnit get worse around 13? Where they even allowed to drive at 16? I can not even wrap my head around all of this.  It has ruined a great relationship.  

steponmeagain's picture

The ages between 13 and 17 were the worst, hands down.  Yes, he had and still has adhd and is 23 now.  Ufnortunately, he got lucky and passed his drivers test.  He has lost his license a couple of times already and had some major accidents too.

Nottakingit's picture

My sd22 constantly lied to everyone about things that happened. SO told her if she wanted us to upgrade Netflix to the next package so that more people can watch at the same time She could pay us the few dollars difference, then she went telling people we were making her pay to watch Netflix. She told people I made her do all the housework and that we took all her money and just twisted things around. She lied to SO about why she'd leave work early(They either sent her home bc of customer complaints, her terrible attitude when the boss wanted her to do something, or when she was tired she'd cry and cry in front of customers until they sent her home) and getting fired. She lied to MIL to the point mil marched up to us and called us shitty and said we treat sd like shit. It caused a Jerry Springer yelling match outside lol That's when SO made her go live with MIL and he's not talking to MIL and sd isn't talking to him. There's no telling what she's been telling his family. I'm so angry at her for not talking to SO and all the lies. That really hurt SO. And it's been so embarrassing to me, knowing she tells people I make her do all the housework and take all her money :/

It took SO months to realize the lying is a normal thing for SD. At first he wouldn't believe me and my dd23, because "why would sd22 lie about that?!" Over time he opened his eyes and caught her in lie after lie. He'd ask why did she say work sent her home early, and she'd say, "Well what I meant was *I* sent *myself* home early" and he jumped all over her for lying. I was not very nice about it when I'd catch her lying. He wasn't used to her lying because before she lived with us, shewas never made to be responsible for anything. Not housework or getting her own rides to work or working even if she didn't feel like it. So she wasn't ever put into situations she "needed" to lie.

justmakingthebest's picture

ADD and ADHD diagnosises don't corelate with lying. Lying about physical altercations is a big deal. He needs to be confronted by you and DH. He probably needs to see a counselor and he probably needs to have real consequences for his actions. I am a big fan of manual labor. Picking up trash on the side of the road for a few hours sounds like a great way to deal with it. He wants to spew trash, he can clean it up!