Incredibly awkward incident with bio mom

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I am mortified.

the other day we stopped by my 8yo SD's bio moms house to drop off some books for homeschooling. I always test before coming over, but we were running errands and I hadn't received a reply, but we stopped by anyway. Long story short, my SD ran inside ahead of me to say hi to her mom and ended up walking in on her and her husband having sex.

I feel terrible, for all of us, it was so awkward and I take total responsibility for putting my SD in that position. I shouldn't have stopped by without hearing back. I apologized profusely, and she had a talk with SD about what happened, but things feel so awkward and I feel so stupid.

I hope this has never happened to anyone else, but if it has, aside from taking responsibility and keeping communication open, how did you move past something this embaressing and such a boundary violation (on my part).

Maybe BM should have locked

Maybe BM should have locked the door. Lesson learned from her....it's not your problem. I know my kids and step kids can pop over at anytime and the door would be locked and my bedroom door locked..that's part of step life .

But.....the bigger question....

if the child was actually with you then why on earth were you randomly stopping by to drop something off? Why couldn't it wait until the kid went back to her mom??

Thank you! To answer your

Thank you! To answer your question... We are pretty lucky that both sides of the parenting group for my SD get along really well. We are homeschooling, and as SD moves between houses so does all her school work, which is why I dropped the teacher manuals off early.

it's been a learning moment for all of us.

But why not wait until the

But why not wait until the kid is exchanged? Did they have to be dropped off early for some reason? Couldn't they have gone in the mailbox? Just trying to figure out why anyone would elect to randomly stop by their husbands ex wife's house unannounced? Why did SD just call her mother on the phone to see if she would answer?

where is the kids father in all of this?

just trying to understand

LOL!!! Don't be embarrassed!

LOL!!! Don't be embarrassed! This isn't your fault. She should have responded to you!

You move past it by realizing that most adults are having sex with their partners. Don't dwell on it. I bet she will lock the bedroom door next time!

Thank you! I'm sure with time

Thank you! I'm sure with time I won't feel so bad about it, but I'm pretty sensitive and feel so responsible! I guess it's a good lesson in the need to slowing down and communicating more.

BM isn't required to respond.

BM isn't required to respond. No response is a "not available". If the roles were reversed and someone HAD stopped to respond (i.e. a DH had stopped mid-coitis to send a message to his XW saying "bad time" or stopped altogether), we'd all be giving them a verbal lashing for it.

OP, not much you can do other than to take no response as a "not available". I would be exceptionally peeved if BM showed up at my door because it was convenient for *her* without having received word that it was convenient for DH and/or me.

There isn't much you can do other than apologize and not do it again.

This is the kind of story that makes a good story!

This is the kind of story that makes a good story. Right now you are mortified and feel terrible, I would feel the same way. But a few years from now, when you are with friends swapping embarrasing stories, this will be the perfect one to tell!

I wouldn't worry about the

I wouldn't worry about the effect on SD. It was mom and her husband. If it had been mom and her gym teacher maybe she would be scarred for life. But, i would look at that as a sign that better boundaries need to be in place for all parties. It's good to get along, but good fences make good neighbors!

I'm not so sure about that -

I'm not so sure about that - I walked on my parents having sex (in their bedroom - yet another reason for no kids in a master bedroom ) when I was 16. I'm still scarred for life.

Eh, I used the fear of this

Eh, I used the fear of this happening to get my SKs to actually text/call ahead before dropping in during their mom's time. Nothing like the threat of hearing Dad and SM getting it on, to make them respect household non-parenting-time boundaries.

I'd be careful about fostering too chummy of a relationship between the the two households. It can (will) backfire on you. Ironclad boundaries won't prevent cordial coparenting, they'll protect it in fact.

I am sure this is not the first time for this in many families

Those kids survive, SD will survive this. Up to BM to have a talk with her.

A non issue.

I can't count on only a single hand the number of times I walked in on my parents growing up. Yes, it is embarrassing. But... it is not some mortal offense on anyone's part.

Appologize to BM and her DH for not waiting for verification, then move on. All of the adults should take a common stance with SD that adults who love each other have sex and that it is a wonderful thing. Then point out why it is imporant for her to knock before walking through any door in either of her parent's home.

BM and her DH have some ownership in this incident for not locking the door. So don't be the sacrificial martyr for this. If anything, you and DH call BM and her DH and have a talk and a laugh about it.

Move on.

A non issue.

I can't count on only a single hand the number of times I walked in on my parents growing up. Yes, it is embarrassing. But... it is not some mortal offense on anyone's part.

Move on.

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Incredibly awkward incident with bio mom