Oh no. Oh no no no. DH needs to tell her that there will be no meeting, and if she withholds any court ordered visitation, she is in contempt and he will contact his attorney immediately.  Then do it.  If the extra visits aren't court-ordered then give them up. If you agree to this, her demands will escalate, and she has no right to observe anything. 

Your DH can ignore her, that's how he stops the bugging. 

She gave up her right to tell her DH how to live his life.. including who he dates or has around his children when she divorced him.

I would absolutely NOT give her any indication that she has ANY choice in how you interact with her child.  she doesn't get to tell you what to do.  She doesn't get to VETO you being around the child.  Barring doing a check with your state police as to whether you are a sex offender... she has zero control here.

I agree with the hard line approach from your DH.

BM.. Your demand to observe and interrogate my spouse are ridiculous and out of line.  We will not agree to your twisted request.  You will make my daughter available per the CO or I will take you to court for contempt of that order.  You ceased to have any say over my life once we divorced.. SM is my wife and you are just going to have to trust my judgement as I have been granted NON-SUPERVISED visitation with my child.

I would tell DH no.  If she withholds the skid, that's his problem.  There is no way I would agree to meet her on her terms.

Hell no. And DH needs to nail her ass with a contempt motion any time she denies his CO'd mid week visitation.  If she is offering extra days if he facilitates this meeting it is time for him to tell BM to F-off.

She will just manipulate using those days as leverage at some point in the future over some insignificant bullshit.

she can meet you in court when a judge orders you to attend. 

you are under no obligation to effin meet her and she needs to eff off!! No court order will ever exist that stares bio mum has authority to vouch or vet you because simply stated that’s ridiculous 

believe me its a narcissistic control thing. She wants to be in control and treat you like a puppet

my husbands exwife over 1.5 yrs ago (5 years prior kidnapped the daughters and ended contact) had eldest sd then 23 initiate contact with hubby and has her tell hubby that i was to make myself available in order for their mum to let the daughters meet hubby. I had 2 kids (1 & 2.5 yr old), having to drive to another state about 1.5-2hours away with 2 toddlers is an inconvenience i should have never been put in. I told hubby to grow a pair and tell his exwife and sd to eff off demanding i make myself available. Their meets have nothing to do with me and i have no obligation to make myself available and no way was exwife dictating what i do

If you give in to her demands on this, that's what she'll expect you to do in the future. When you don't give in to whatever lunacy in the future, she'll escalate the punishment because she'll feel like you've been warned.

The appropriate approach to take when dealing with someone who is violating a court order is to deal with it in court. Get her to text or put in writing that she won't send the child over, or have DH video trying to pick up SK and being denied. File a contempt charge the FIRST time this happens.

I'd also consult an attorney and have him write BM a strongly worded letter that you'll continue to file contempt charges every time she violates the court order, and that if she doesn't comply right now, there will legal action taken to ensure visitation happens. I'd also look into a no contact order with you, to make it abundantly clear that talking to you is not an option.

Seriously, if she discovers that withholding the kids will get her what she wants (which is control; she doesn't actually care about meeting you), she'll use that ploy time and time again every time she doesn't get her way. And if your DH doesn't nip it the first time, the courts will be even less likely to side with him in the future if/when he has to take her back to court because he has been complicit and silently approving the behavior.

There is no "keep the peace" option in cases like this. The only option is "cover your a$$".

Nothing good will come from meeting BM.  You will just giving her control. Totally disengage from BM and her games

Ummm no. What's her endgame? If she doesn't approve are you supposed to get a divorce, the kids stop visiting, she demands parenting classes, she takes you back to court? I see absolutely zero positive reasons for this to happen. Just NO.

Nope.

Very bad precedent to set, that she can blackmail you or your husband into doing what she wants. Don't give her that control.

Op Welcome to Step talk.

No  one can blackmail you or push you OR tell you that YOU must meet them.

Based on what you told us, I would strongly vote against this meeting, now and in the future.

You are not morrally or legally required on any level to do meet with BM or anyone in her family or friends.

Remember you live in a free country and no one can tell YOU what do to or who to keep company with.

She cant even tell dh would to do with his time with the child. She has zero power in your home. Do not let her bully you into giving back her supply to have your cell or email. OR social media.

Be a ghost.

Stay strong. You owe her nothing. Dont give her anything.

He thought they had a friendly agreement.

Yeah, a lot of people think that and then.....

Well, I'm sorry that he may lose his weekday visits but I would not bow down to BM. No way my husband would, or expect me to, either.