Before I start I just want to say how great it is to have a place like this to get it all out of my head. It's like having a support group at my fingertips. Thank you all for your advice, sympathy, and for just sharing your stories so the rest of us know we are not alone. I found this site when I googled "can't stand stepkid" and got a link to the "I can't stand my stepdaughter thread" and it is still one of my favorites.

Warning: I am on pain meds so some of this may not make sense, please bare with me. :?

Now for my rant: For the last 2 weeks I have been in excruciating pain due to a medical issue. I will spare you from all the details because it's pretty disgusting. :sick: For 2 weeks I have been on the couch in the fetal posission with tears in my eyes (which I don't do), except to go to the bathroom and to get water to take pain meds and 3 trips to the Dr and one to the ER.

My H has been pretty great during all this. Always asking if I need anything, if there is anything he can do to help, and if I'm ok. Even though after the 100th time it got really annoying it's still really sweet that he was so caring. I'm the kind of person who prefers to handle things on my own wherever possible but I will ask for help when it's needed. I did not want to be a constant burden so I tried to do what I could myself and said to hell with the rest (chores and what not). Luckily my own kids are at their BF's for the summer so I didn't have to worry about tending to them.

My H went with me to an appt earlier this week that I thought I could handle on my own but ended up being so thankful that he insisted on going and told him so. For the first time since he has known me he saw me cry like a little girl whose kitten just had it's head stomped on. I hardly ever cry so this was a big deal and he knew that I was in serious pain. I can honestly say it was worse than childbirth (the epidural is the greatest invention ever)and even before the epidural I did not break. In the Dr.'s office my husband said I've never seen her like this, she's one of the toughest people I know. Now I'm not saying this to brag, I'm just trying to make it clear that my husband was well aware of what this all was doing to me anad how out of my element I was.

So what the Dr did during that visit didn't solve the problem and a day later I was right back where I started. I made another appt and it happened to be the next day and at the same time he had to leave to get his kid for the weekend (2 hrs away). Now let me point out that I know how much his time with her means to him and I ask for only 5 minutres of his attention during their time to say goodbye before work. Outside of that it's all their time as far as I'm concerned and I'm ok with that. I'm saying this so no one gets the wrong idea and thinks I'm acting like a jealous teenager competeing for his attention.

Now the reason I'm upset is because knowing how bad the last appt was and having a full day to try and reschedule his visit it never even crossed his mind that being there for me when I was in so much pain and terrified of going back was more important than playing barbies and tending to the princess this weekend. There's a good chance due to schedules that BM would not have wanted to nor could she accomodate this but he didn't even try which just made me feel like a serious problem that I desperately needed my husband's support for was less important than the possibility of disappointing his kid. He was all about being there for me as long as it didn't interfere with anything else he had planned. I'm just so hurt and wondering why he keeps telling me he will always be there for me when the one time I truely needed him more than I have ever needed anyone, he chose barbie playtime over my very serious pain and fear.

So I went to my appt (I could barely walk BTW) which was more involved than the last one so it was also longer and more painful. Thank God for that wonderful nurse. When I got home I packed a bag and left for my sister's for the weekend. He called to check on me and I told him I was going to her house for a couple of days and he just couldn't understand why. I tried to explain that I was scared and hurting and wanted to be somewhere that I wouldn't be alone. He said he would be there so I'm not alone. By "be there" he meant during the times he wasn't out and about spending a small fortune entertaining the kid. So, I told him no he wouldn't be and that he already has his hands full. When she is there she is very needy and demanding of his attention so if he did try to tend to me she would be right there up his butt and it just wasn't something I wanted to deal with all weekend. At this point he starts in with the whole "you hate my kid" argument and insists that is why I am leaving.

First of all I do not hate his kid, I just can't stand being around the two of them together. It's nauseating, irritating and I am just not up for the toll it takes on me right now. I've tried to explain this to him, that it's not her I can't stand, it's the behavior he encourages in her that I can't stand. He doesn't get it but whatever, that's a whole different rant. We have only been married a couple of months and together for about a year and although there is so much love between us I just don't see how I can spend my wholel life with this man who can't see past enjoying being a 5 year old's bitch to make choices from time to time that she may not like. It will certainly not endanger his relationship with her to also care for his relationship with his wife. This incident has done some very real damage to us and my ability to feel like I can count on him when it really matters. I don't want him to put his kid second to me I just need him to be able to see that on rare occaisions I will truely need him more and for him to have the courage to risk a minor disappointment to her. We all have to experience disappointments in our life. You can either let the kids experience the little ones while they are young so they develope the skills to cope with them as adults or shield them from it all and watch them melt down as adults when you can no longer protect them from the world.

Thank you for letting me vent, I already feel a little better...may be the dose of pain meds I just took kicking in though