I'm stuck
Ok, so I'm new here but I've been having issues for quite some time. First , we're a huge blended family I have two from a previous relationship, my husband has one and together we have two, which makes for five children in total.
However here is my issue, it's with my ss who is 10. Over the last 6 years I have done everything for this child, drs appts, clothing, homework help, school events ect. Where mom has not. Just recently the bio mom had a huge fit over my making a new appt for ss since she cancelled the previous appt only an hour before he was supposed to be there. Well because of that she blew up on dh. Called him cussing him out , basically telling him that it's not my place blah. Blah. Dh has 50/50 custody with her and when we have him in the fall and winter she does nothing for him, won't take him to appts, won't buy him things he needs (only if it's on "her" weekends) well since this went down she's telling my husband I m not allowed to take him to appts or anything , this includes discipline. This child is utterly mean to my children particularly my younger two bc my older two put him in his place. And talks back , it's like I have to walk on eggshells bc anything I say to him is twisted and he runs back to her to report. Sometimes I feel like she tells him to egg me on so he can get a reaction so she can call CPS on me. Also she's constantly calling my dh for little things , such as yesterday she called to tell my husband she gave him allergy medicine bc his eye was puffy. Smh I'm just at a loss , his behaviors are outrageous, my husband will discipline my other two children when they act the same way but nothing gets said to my ss.
Sorry that's so long but I need help!
She can't say shit about what
She can't say shit about what you do for your SS when he is in your household on your SO's time with HIS son. Not an F-in thing.
So, let DH know that he either gets his X womb donor under control and set her straight or you will. And... he gets SS-10 under control and consistently disciplines and parents him as he does the others or ... you will and he can STFU and have your back.
smh.
BM gets no say. Period. Ever. About anything... in your home.
Thank you
I agree! I've made my opinion clear before bc this isn't the first time I've had to get my dh straight. Just on the 4th he went to discipline ss and he just let him walk away from him running his mouth. I would have punished him, but then if one of the other two do the same thing to dh he sends them to time out. Myself and bio mom have gotten into this before , I just wish if I would have known then what I know now I wouldn't have pushed for dh to get custody of ss. It's going to be awful when he comes home for the school year. *cray2*
and if I correct ss my dh always brings up the other older children (mine from a previous relationship). Heres an example: they had a friend over and I went up to tell them bed time was 11 and dh was like why the older two stay up till midnight so why cant he? First off they don't my kids listen when I tell them bed time, ss however screamed and me and was like "what? Why" ugh..., dh is always trying to act like I let my older ones do whatever they want when that's not the case, they actually listen. They have their faults but dh is always trying to use them as an excuse to let ss do what he wants. Btw ss punched my d6 in the chest and she has a bruise and he was close enough to her in the trampoline that he collided with her cutting her forehead with is braces.. on thursday.
Sounds to me that DH needs
Sounds to me that DH needs clarity on the concept of age appropriate rule enforcement and discipline. Not all kids are created equally. Older kids get different priveledges than younger kids. The younger ones will get their turn at the older ages. They should not be allowed to interfer in the elder kids chance to be the older ages. Just as the elder kids have already had their chance at the younger ages and should not be able to regress and interfer in the the younger kids chances to be the younger ages.
A bout of clarity that my parents gave to me as the eldest of 3 boys by 6 years and 8 years respectively. I did not get to interfer in their younger ages since I had already had my turn. The were also not allowed to interfere in me being older. I had my friends and we did age appropriate things. Occassionally I gladly had him participate but.... not always.
Your DH needs to understand that parenting effectively includes understanding that kids of different ages are parented differently.
A young man has no business punching a 6yo little girl. If she is not attacking him then he should not be tolerated to get violent with her. It sounds to me that his aggression is not new. Since he has a history of it, the cut to your daughters forehead from his braces should be confronted as his fault and due to aggressiveness and carelessness.
Good luck. I hope you can keep DH's nose ot the effective parenting grind stone.
Problem
Ss has had anger issues for quite some time but after multiple psychiatrist visits , hes just a brat, not embarrassing myself by constantly taking him when nothing is found to be wrong. Anyway, I must say my dd is adhd , she has her moments but it's way better now that she's medicated. Ss likes to provoke her to hit him. she has a huge bruise bc apparently Ss tried to say they were wrestling, when she got the bruise and the cut on her forehead. It's so awful I can't leave him alone with any of my kids bc hes a big bully and nobody sees it but me. It's funny bc he hid what he did to her forehead and I couldn't say anything to him without dh trying to say she provoked it in some way. But when he returns friday it will be brought up.
Dh needs alot of help with parenting my son 11 will never be able to do anything on his own bc ss has to trail behind him or make everything a competition.
I just want to make sure I'm not going crazy an I'm in the wrong, dh always makes it out that I'm in the wrong and that I don't discipline my children hard enough (like multiple weeks of grounding, taking items away ect) ss has to have things taken away to get points acrossed, I was a single mother raising my older two on my own, they know when I get angry and get whatever they need to have done done.