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I feel like a monster for not caring more

someonetotalkto7's picture

Hi everyone,

I really appreciate this site, I think this is the only place I can get things off my chest. Some of you may have read my other posts but in case not, I have 4 bio kids and 3 SS's. all full time BM is not in their lives because of drugs, jail. My two oldest kids live out of state and are in college. I have been trying had to do less for my step kids recently. I have been taking my DS to the store and buying him things, but not really his very much, I also help them all with their homework, but haven't really been going the extra mile for my SS's like I used to (youngest is 4 so only 2 are in school right now) yay the youngest starts this year. I have been trying hard not to get as mad and stressed as I used to with the constant bed wetting and damage to my house. the ss4 just made giant holes in the wall while DH was supposed to watching him. Ive managed to have 4 kids of my own and none of them wrecked the house like these kids. Sorry this is rambling, I'm just feeling anxious I guess. Hubby is leaving to go out of town to a work event today and wont be back till sunday night. Oh happy mothers day to me with all the kids by myself HA!!! anyway my main issue is with my ss8 who has ADHD and is on medication. Hes doing great in school now, but he is just so annoying all the time....worst part is I feel like I resent dealing with him because hes not my DH son. His BM had an affair when they were married and told him it was his son, so he's raised him since birth. I feel like at least my ither 2 SS's are my husbands children who I love, but this kid is his ex-wifes kid by some other guy! I feel guilty but a lot of time wish he would go live with someone on her side of the family. Of course I have never told DH this, I just try to deal, but some days are worse than others. Thanks for listening.

Rags's picture

Time to hang a paddle next to the chore list with the message well highlighted "Treat this home with respect or your butt will know what for!" then apply the paddle when any kid deviates from the path of reasonable behavior.

stepmomof1biomomof1's picture

My BS12 has ADHD and is super annoying before taking his medicine. He is not bad, just really loud, hyper and impulsive. I get him to eat asap after he wakes up and then give him his medicine. He recently started taking a booster in the afternoon. It is a non stimulant and 5 hours after he takes it makes him sleepy.
Him not being related would bother me but your DH is choosing to raise him.

ESMOD's picture

It sounds like you have a lot on your hands with 5(if I'm counting right) kids at home! Even a women with 5 bio kids in the home would probably have less than charitable thoughts towards some of her kids at times. Shoot, even my own mother of only two told met not to have kids "they are horrible"...lol. (yeah, it was at a frustrating time when we were both teens)

So, number one, give yourself a break.

Number two, it can help to try to empathize with the children's point of view. Like the non-bio kid, it really isn't his fault that this is the situation. Imagine being very young and having people hold adult "mistakes" against YOU?

Number three.. I know that this weekend is a bit "shot" because of the work trip, but it sounds like your husband needs to step up and parent his kids a little more. You may buy a bit more for your kids... but shouldn't he be doing the same for his? Shouldn't he be caring for them and dealing with some of their behavioral issues as well? It's not fair to just say "you are the mama" for "all" kids in the home without any support.

someonetotalkto7's picture

Thank you esmod for your thoughtful comments. Yes he does need to step up and we will defiantly be talking and taking action when he gets home. I will give myself a break