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I really dont like my stepkids

someonetotalkto7's picture

:O my step kids live with us full time. They are 4, 6 and 9. I have 4 bio kids myself and my two oldest dont live with us (they are at university) I have a 11 year old and 8 year old living with us. All of my step kids still wet the bed, and I honestly just cant stand them. The 9 year old has ADHD and as a constantly loud and annoying. The 6 year old is getting all F's in school, and steals and lies all the time. The 4 year old is actually ok because I've been his SM since he was 1. I feel like my husband just doesnt get it and thinks his kids are just being boys. He leaves me to take care of them constantly while he does other things. UUUGGGGG! I really feel like a horrible person for not liking them more....help

Rhiannon's picture

You aren't required to like your step kids. Let yourself off the hook for that one. It took me a while to like my step-daughter, and she's practically the perfect step-daughter (well, aside from once or twice when she really acted out). I can't imagine trying to build a relationship with children who are destructive.

Acratopotes's picture

Way to many kids for one house hold, I will go bat shit crazy sorry...

All I can suggest is taking your kids and moving out, close by, 5min walk or what ever, DH can arrange care for his own children and you only take care of yours, DH can also arrange a cleaning lady for the house if it gets to rough, maybe he will start parenting then...

Alternatively... sit DH down and say, fine I'm disengaging, if you are not here, your kids are not here, if the have accidents in bed, I will not clean it, either they sleep like this, or you clean it... or we get a maid, and you will pay

Stop being a doormat, start house training your DH... he's the real problem cause he's not being a parent and that's bulldust....

someonetotalkto7's picture

I appreciate all the comments, I should be clear, everyone is correct on the letter grades, he is getting 1's in his core classes which are reading, writing, and math. (sorry I was just venting) unfortunately their BM is not in the picture at all. She lives in another state and has many problems and is not allowed to see her kids anymore by the courts. When my husband and I got married I actually thought I would be able to be a good Mom to them, which I am for the most part, but I guess I'm not as patient with them as I could or should be. I really feel like their might be a problem with my 6 year old SS as he gets in trouble at school around 3 times per week, and cant seem to stay out of trouble at home either, with lying and stealing things and hiding other peoples things. He just seems to not pay attention when you try to talk to him, he just has a blank look on his face. Guess this is something totally new for me. My four Bio kids are just very different. I have gotten maybe a total of 5 phone calls home about my 4 kids in total the 16 years they have been in public school, and with my husbands kids we are receiving weekly calls and notes home. He just seems to think the schools are picking on him. I guess the problem is my husband seems to want me to raise his kids. I take them to the Dr., School meetings, Etc..... my fault for doing to much for them??

Acratopotes's picture

yes it's your fault doing to much for them......

Think about this, their mother already left them.... and now their father is doing the same... yes DH is doing the same cause he leaves you in control to parent his kids and he's not really involved is he...

In your shoes I would step back a couple of steps and let DH parent his own kids, this way he's forced to spend more time with them and they feel like they have a bio parent interested in them... it's one thing to have a real parent around then to having a care taker around