I can't take this much more.
I have been following this page for quite awhile now and this is my first post. DH and I have been married for 2.5 years and have been together for about 8 years. I have SS14 and BD16. SS14 has ADHD and ODD. He has been in trouble at school (suspended, in school discipline) and struggles in both homes. I was a fairly strict parent with BD, meaning actions have consequences and I'd stick to them. BD16 is a good kid and a good student. DH is not so strict with his son, who I feel needs the consistency more than others due to his behaviors. I have disengaged as much as possible. NO seems to be his trigger work and will throw a fit if he gets electronics taken away or loses priveledges/doesn't get his way. When I hear SS talking to DH rudely and yelling, I will ask him to stop. SStells me to mind my own business and to worry about my own kid. He has told me he doesn't like me, that I am half the woman his mom is, along with just pretending like I'm not there. SS will do things to try to antagonize me including getting rough with our cats or doing things he knows he shouldn't be doing. I have let my anger get the best of me and yelled or responded on his childish level. DH and I have been in counseling for 5 months now and I have improved how I react to SS. DH feels like everything he or SS do is wrong and they can't do anything right. DH doesn't notice or pretends not to notice things that SS does that aren't appropriate or within house rules. When my family comes over, SS shows off and his behavior is worse. I do get anxious having a houseful of people and DH always blames me and my anxiety for overreacting to SS's behavior. DH is usually in another room ignoring the situation. BD now has her license and leaves early for practice or stays away from home to avoid SS's bad behavior because it causes anxiety for her. It breaks my heart. I feel like a failure of a mother for putting her in this situation. Am I being sensitive? I am at my breaking point and ready to leave. Advise please!
Everything Evil3 said!
Everything Evil3 said!
For the sake of your daughter and your cats
For the sake of your daughter and your cats, please move out - or have DH move out. It is not fair that your daughter does not feel comfortable in her home and takes steps to stay away from home. Stop worrying about your SS - focus on your daughter.
The way skids can be abusive to others and their parents
Fail to address it and nip it in the butt has detrimental effects on other kids in the home and family members
when my daughter was at kindy i saw a big difference in how behind she was compared to other kids from loving intact homes. I felt as much as i have trued to shelter her form skid and bio mum drama, we do not have a harmonious home environment and i needed out.
Hubby is really feeling the loneliness now whilst i finish my studies overseas for part of the year and our kids are in school and we have resorted to flying back and forth. Ss was meant to come home one weekend while i was back in hubbys country and didn’t come. I suspect hubby stopped him from coming because he knew i was not tolerating stepcrap shit anymore and being ignored or not acknowledged in my own home because ss21.5 doesn’t know how to communicate a basic hello and acknowledge me because i am a stranger, my 2 kids with hubby are strangers that he said he is incapable of any ounce of affection.
it makes me angry i had to tolerate this shit but anytime hubby suggests an outing or holiday and to bring skids our of guilt because they have changed their atory for the millionth time that mummy has abandoned them only for months later or before they have been in cintact with her, i refuse it completely. If I don’t go hubby says he will go to his fmaily wedding for a day trip and ends up taking skids but if i want to go he will tell his kids with ex that they can’t go because he knows how disrespectful they are to us.
How about just making them grow the eff up and behave and just be pleasant people so this isn’t an ongoing issue but because these parents feel guilty of having contact cut off they would rather tiptoe around their feelings, gaslight you like you are the problem and over exaggerating stuff instead of enforcing basic manners amd behaviours and just basic respect...
i disengaged long time ago, i told hubby until those bad behaviours change for good which i doubt will ever happen, i and my 2 kids remain disengaged as i will not subject them to abusive behaviour for the sake of family.
We bought a new house overseas in my country (our dream home) and got the keys about 2 weeks ago, its skid free. I am not being disrespected by 3 shitheads with the excuse life was hard because they’re cod... boo friggin hoo.. that isn’t even real world/life problems.
So your DH just stands around
So your DH just stands around with this thumb up his a$$ while his son treats you like dirt? How can you respect a man like that? If my SS said any of those things to me, he'd find himself in deep trouble with his father and he's 8 inches taller than DH.
Your DH needs to grow a spine and parent his son. I'm with the others - move out, but for good. He's going to let this kid treat you like dirt forever.
He tells SS not to talk to me
He tells SS not to talk to me like that but there aren't really any consequences. It's usually on days that SS hasn't taken his ADHD medication and when he is in the middle of a fit, SS says he can't control himself. So, the thought is kind of like...he can't control it, it's not his fault. I asked DH to physically hand SS his meds every day but H has trouble remembering stuff too so I don't know if he has done that or not....
Some days SS will go out of his way to be complimentary to the point he is patronizing me but I feel like he is trying to be nice. I love my husband and want things to work out but I feel like we can't come to an agreement on things.
What a crock of shit. It isn
What a crock of shit. It isn't his fault my butt. Yes, it is his fault. He makes the choice to perpetrate crappy behaviors. He chooses to not take his meds, he is chosing to perpetrate the crappy behaviors. Whether he takes his meds or not he is chosing his behaviors and should suffer the consequences for that choice.
Leave...
Sorry to be blunt, but please protect your DD. Your DH isn't going to change and your SS is making this a very volatile situation that is only going to get worse as he gets older.