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Really, after 18 months you decide to care?!

Sarahjc's picture

DH and I have had custody of SS14 and SS11 for a year now, although SS14 came to live with us about 18 months ago. SS14 was failing every class with no consequences at home when he came to live with us. He passed all his classes the year he lived with us and ended the first semester this year with one F in science because he missed some labs and wasn't allowed to make them up. We have busted our asses to get him caught up, including paying $300/month for a math tutor because he tested two grades behind when he came to live with us. We have exchanged close to 100 emails just this school year with teachers and counselors and had several parent/teacher meetings. SS14 has been diagnosed with ADHD, although his BM did not have him on medication for the last few years. He also was recently diagnosed with depression, likely a result of being exposed to his BM and all of her mental issues.

In October 2013, BM moved 8 hours away. BM has seen SS14 and SS11 once, for Christmas break. BM has called on each bday, but has made no other attempt to contact the boys when they are with us. DH send BM a text last week re: spring break and BM responded that she now wants to talk to SS's once a week. So they called her and when SS14 said his tablet that she got him for Christmas (which is a $70 piece of shit), had been taken away due to poor grades and missing assignments, she sent DH a text saying she didn't understand why it was "always" taken away. First of all, it is not always taken away, but when you only call your kids less than once a month, it just so happened that both times it had been taken away. Anyway, I digress. So, now BM wants access to grades and teachers. Are you f*ucking kidding me?! You want to start caring now? 18 months after SS14 came to live with us? BM has no f-ing idea what we have gone through with SS14 for the past 18 months. She doesn't get to start caring when it's convenient for her!

So here is my problem. I am 7 months pregnant with DH's and my first. We tried for 4 years and our little miracle finally stuck! I want to be enjoying this time, but all I can think about right now is how mad I am at her for pretending to care and how much I resent her for the way SS14 acts due to all the shit she put him through in her 12 years with him. I am so angry at her. SS14 is lazy and full of excuses, just like she is. I am frustrated with him and even more frustrated that she only cares when it's convenient for her. Having SS14 with us has totally turned our lives upside down. I would never want SS's to go back to her, but dammit, you don't get to have a convenient relationship with them. I hate her for causing me anxiety. I hate her for the things she says to DH, who has always done everything he can to care for the kids. I hate her for being a b*tch to DH when he was unemployed briefly and couldn't pay CS, yet she refuses to work and therefore, is always 4-6 months behind in CS to us. I just f-ing hate her.


misSTEP's picture

She can make an effort to find out the school info for herself.

Don't do her any favors above and beyond what is mandatory in the CO.

Sarahjc's picture

That's the other thing that pisses me off- when she had custody, she never gave us access and when she sent the kids to live with us, she made us pay for and order copies of their birth certificates because she refused to send a copy of the one she had. I'm with you, misStep, we don't owe her anything.