My husband we have three boys between us. He has two that he has joint custody and they spend half their time with us and half their time with their BM. I have one that is full time with me.

My child initially had struggles with the blending of our family, because he was forced into being a middle child and because my husband is a hands on father and he is more of the caregiver etc. than the BM. My child has never had any type of relationship with its BD, as per the BD's negligence and living far from us. We went to counseling initially to get us all to understand blending families and to also get one on one for my child because he was not used to seeing a father so hands on and he wanted his part of my husband's affections, attention and time just as he was doing with his kids.

My son complained that the my husband's child was very sneaky and that he was always being flashy about what new things he had that my child didn't. He would also tell me things about how the one child treated the other child unfairly. My son would be the one who was vocal and majority of the time be the one that we heard, so we would be the one in trouble.

My husband swears up and down that he knows his children better than anyone and that they are "they have a bond like no other." That his child was not like that and that he knew his child was not a problem nor causing a problem. Needless, to say everything was blamed on my child.

My child's father actually came into the picture and requested time with my son, and my husband and I talked and thought it would be best to let me son live with his dad for a bit to see if it helps him build a relationship with his BD and that it would better help my son understand his role in life, and that it would help with his anger towards his dad and reduce his neediness of my husband's attention when his kids were there.

My son is showing a lot of maturing, he's learning a lot about his dad, his siblings with his father and finding his place in their family as well as finding and understanding his place in ours.

Now, the problem that I'm having is that my son is not home. Yet, I find myself catching things my husband oldest is doing. With the angel goggles my husband wears, he doesn't see it at all. His child is older than mine by a few months, yet acts like a much younger child and not the teenager he is. He does not get out of the car or in the car unless my husband opens the door for him. In the mornings he doesn't fix himself breakfast he wants to be served by my husband or myself on the weekends when I make the big family breakfast. In the mornings my husband has to dress his two kids who are extremely far from their toddler years. His children have no chores, no responsibilities in our home and do nothing but homework and watch tv. On the weekend the eldest will demand to go to his favorite places to eat, and my husband claims he feels guilty because their mother does nothing with them. He feels the need to always have to do something when they are over. When the kids want something he has to run, place an order and get them whatever it is because their mom won't buy it for them.

Recently, the oldest has started becoming a little bit mouthy. He makes comments to his grandparents "joking" but that kind of hurt their feelings. He questions my husband all the time about how much money we make. He claims to always be joking but his jokes are to the point where they are fresh mouthed. I have made my husband aware recently that the child has recently started ignoring me, talking back and sometimes acting like i'm not there only to when his father comes into a room acting like normal.

We recently we out a couple of times and the kids pushes his younger sibling out of the way to sit by my husband and gives me these looks like an hahaha you can't sit here. When I ask him nicely to help or do something it's a constant comeback and when my husband asks him anything he claims to be joking.

My husband and I have an amazing relationship, our love for each other is amazing. We have had similar pasts and we have the same wants, desires and dreams. We can spend weeks, days and months together every moment of each day and it's perfect we wouldn't change it for the world. People watch us together and can see the love between. But when it comes to point anything out with his children he tells me that he rather be alone.

I know he feels this big guilt for leaving their BM and "breaking up" the perfect life that the kids thought they had. I tell him he has to let that go because the best thing he did for his kids to leave her. I think he feels like he can't discipline them, have them do anything for fear that they will turn on him or throw in his face that he ruined their lives about 6 years ago.

He claims that when his kids come over it's like walking on egg shells around me. I tell him that I want to develop a relationship with them but that sometimes they outcast me and really make me feel like I'm not part of their lives.

My husband says that everything is in my head, that he was patient when my child was going through his hard time (which I would punish, and correct my son) he went through. That I'm looking for his son to be my scapegoat. Which is not true, the tension builds in me is because he doesn't ever see the way the kid talks to any adults, treats his sibling and/or myself. To my husband the kid is a perfect angel. Though, when I recently told him he's getting mouthy he replied, yeah it's the teen years he'll grow out of it. But he won't tell the child anything.

I am completely in love with my husband, I love our relationship but there are times not always when the kids come over and something small happens that it upsets me because after 100000 million things that my husband hasn't addressed, seen, caught or punished for it gets tiresome. I finding myself just inverting and not wanting to be part of the activity, especially if the child is fresh with me. To which now he will be fresh and sees me get up set about it with the look on my face and then quickly starts to become overly friendly, overly talkative and overly interactive with me so that my husband thinks I'm the one ruining the day.

I don't know how to just let my husband see my side without offending him and his angel. The second I say the child's name regardless if it's going to be good or bad, the tension in him would kill anyone.

Please help..

we fought recently, because I don't know how else other than introvert myself when something happens because i know he doesn't address his kid.. that he blames me that I'm the adult and that the child is just a child. Yet, when my son had his tough time, I made sure my husband knew that I was addressing my son, that my son knew I wasn't taking side, but that I wanted everyone to be addressed.

I don't see my life without my husband, he truly completes me and I him.