I will say, I always LOVED the times SD was away at BM's for summer because we could plan trips, go on spontaneous dates, and do all sorts of things we couldn't do when she's hear. Now that I have my son who is 15 months old, I don't even mind that we don't have that freedom anymore. I want to show my son the world. I've brought him to another country and another province by the time he was 1 year old. 

I also worried I'd miss the occasional freedom we got, but there's nothing better in the world than your little one experiencing new things with you, whether it's a new food at a fancy restaurant or swimming in the ocean in another country, it's beautiful. I don't want to go anywhere without him. My favourite memory so far was taking him to a hotel, just him and I, in another city and spending the night together. Something about being in a different place, alone, cuddling up in a hotel room playing and watching TV was so special. 

Now, that's not to say I don't miss alone time with my husband, but I think all parents miss that. Here's the thing, though... When you DO get a sitter and get that alone time, you have to stop yourself from talking about your kid the whole time. My husband and I have to make a serious effort to stop blabbering about the cute things he does when we're alone! It's funny. Becoming a biological parent gives you a whole new perspective. It's no longer a chore, but the best damn experience.

I was saying to my husband yesterday, in tears, how sleep-deprived I am and how much I'm struggling some days with guilt from working full-time. But through my tears, I said I can't believe how hard this is, yet it still never feels like work. Ever. I could go on and on, but my point is, DO IT. You don't know how wonderful it is, especially when you're used to raising stepkids, until you do it. I cry the happiest tears when my son hits a milestone like crawling, standing, etc. Nothing matches the happiness they bring you. 

In my opinion, you either want children or you do not. A stepkid is the same as not having children except with an additional financial burden. My 3 kids are my pride and joy every single day. - there are no words to describe how much I love them. Stepkids are nothing, whether you like them or don't like them. They are not yours. They count for zero.  When I became a single mom, I decided I would only date men who are divorced with kids, only because I thought that I could not expect a man to 'take on' my kids if it were not balanced. At the time I thought that it would be fun to have stepkids. My DH is a wonderful stepdad and I think views my kids (DD14, DS17 and DD19) as his also, which is great. I just don't feel that way about his kids and never will. My two cents - yes have your own child - you will never regret it!

Worth what? What is the value you are looking to appreciate or devalue in terms of having a child? You either want a child or you do not... Knowing full well all the reasons you have for wanting or not wanting a child - where do you stand? Not your wife, you?

You are in the fortunate position where you can decided whether to have a child or not. Part of that decision needs to be based on the person you want to have a child with: is this the person you want to have raise your child?, are you prepared to be a solo/single parent with no help or support from the other bioparent for any reason?, and are you prepared to face the fact that your relationship may crumble and your child could be raised by a third party attached  to your now spouse whom you may not like?

Personally, viewing a child as a part time accessory impacting on your lifestyle choices raises  a red flag for me. I know it is  part of your decision making but it is rather rich of your spouse to want her free time on her off-weeks, but doesn't acknowledge if she didn't have children, there would be no on-weeks. Your time - not hers - would be 100% child-free.

You need to reflect on where you stand with regard to children - and then assess if you want them. Afterwards you need to look at if your partner is the right person to have children with. It needs to be a selfish decision first. I would not listen to someone who says you should be ok with her bio-children because they are enough for a parenting experience. False! A bio-parent can not understand what a childless stepparent experiences or relate to the longing of having your own child. Someone else's child, no matter how much you love them, can never be a substitute for your child (excluding adoption here). Stepchildren are not chosen as in adoption, they are part of the "miscellaneous' details that come from choosing a relationship with someone who has children. 

I have a bio-son and a stepson. I love my stepson... But it in no way can it compare to the way I love my own child. I will not admit this to either of them, ever, but there is a big difference for many people in the way they feel about stepchildren whom they do love and their own child/ren. There is no comparison.

DH and I talked about having an "ours" baby when we got together.  We were in our late 30s then, and decided we were already too old.  Now we are in our late 40s.  My children are 23 26 and 29, and his is almost 15.  We are looking forward to being alone together.

It depends on your age and the ages of the skids, and how toxic the ex is.  Just because things are rainbows and flowers now, doesn't always mean the skids won't turn in the future.  Our BM is quite possibly the worst person in the world, and I have been glad on many occassions that I didn't tie myself to DH in that way.  I have an emergency "out" if I need it, and just knowing that is a huge relief to me.

Sd18, ss16, sd19. A year after marriage we had our daughter followed by her brother just over a year later

hubby has sole custody of ss as sd had cut off contact with dad and run away with their mum.

any holidays were just me hubby and our 2 kids because they’re little and no way can any of our sk watch our kids, they can’t be trusted but also they’re very little

every few months we go for weekend getaways to relax and destress and our 2 kids love it

in our case the sk ruin the vibe of any holiday so since 2-3 months ago i told my husband i would no longer go out with them but hubby was free to. Hubby refused because he himself can’t stand his own kids excluding us and just maintaining a negative vibe when with us