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Found an interesting email

weekendwidow's picture

So, many of you might know how my SD22 is only lovey dovey with daddykins when she wants $. Not unlike your skids I'm sure. She's kissing up big time with nightly status reports on her aches and pains from her car accident. She's one big muscle spasm from head to toe and boo hoos to daddykins but doesn't dare ask me for advice or help. I'm sure her updates are aimed at getting me interested in lending a healing hand. Good luck with that sweetie pie.

Anyway - about the email. I "found" an email from her to DH that was about her college loans and payments that read...

"To see my loan history and awards you can log into (website address)"

"To see my payment history/what I owe you can log into (website address)"

Then from there click on Finances
eBill and ePay
View eBill and ePay and another window/tab will open with all the history.

Let me know if you have any issues!"

What the hell is this? It sure seems like DH is either being told to pay for her college bills (She's 22 and MARRIED - on her own in my opinion) OR DH offered to pay and never told me about it. Either case is unacceptable to me.

When she graduated HS 4 years ago, she told her dad to eff off and that she didn't need him for anything. She didn't give him a ticket to attend her graduation and she spent $1000's on a credit card he gave her to use in emergencies. SHe said, "consider it my graduation present". BITCH She totally took him for a ride. So, he refused to pay for her college.

So what? Now he feels sorry for her because she has a boo boo? I just sold some property that I owned before I met DH and have a large sum of money coming my way. And now suddenly DH is seemingly going to pay for her school? I guess I'll be opening a secret account so DH isn't tempted to give this to his little skank.

I HATE MY SKIDS AND WHO MY DH IS WHEN THEY ARE IN THE PICTURE!!! They are just awful. If I'd known beforehand what being a stepmom meant...

weekendwidow's picture

Sally, you are right about this. I think I'm more upset that he didn't tell me anything. Valid point that he may just be ignoring her and therefore, no need to tell me anything...especially since he knows how I feel about her. This would be one more thing.

It's his business if he wants to let her walk on him - as long as it doesn't turn my life upside down in the process.

Thanks for the reality check.

furkidsforme's picture

I think you are making an awful lot of assumptions. What if she was having an issue or a dispute with the loan company about payments, and she was asking your DH to help her figure it out? Maybe she wants to pay it off and can't figure out the payoff amount and was asking him?

It could be what you are thinking, but it could also just as likely be something completely innocuous, and here you are getting your panties all in a knot over it.

Why don't you ASK YOUR DH like an adult, and find out what it actually is?

Evil stepmonster's picture

Yeah, I agree with all, get yourself an account that he has no access too. If possible put your picture on the card connected to that account so that he can't go get any money out of it. I do believe that marriage should be a shared deal, but when DH's make that impossible you've got to protect your self.

Jsmom's picture

We have separate everything and can tell you if DH had this email and I found it, I would still confront him on what his intentions are. No matter that our finances are separate, if he gives her money, it affects him and his spending, that then affects what we do as a couple and as a family. When DH had to spend all the money on lawyers due to SD, we didn't do a vacation that year. He couldn't afford it. That affects my life. No more will that kid affect my life without my having some say in it. May not be financial, but it is still personal equity of mine he is spending.

I would confront him...

Rags's picture

Spending one penny of marital resources on a toxic kid (or on anyone else for that matter) without prior discussion with you would be a deal breaker IMHO. Every penny he earns, as is every penny you earn, are marital resources once the paperwork is done on the wedding day. Assets earned prior to the marriage are not marital assets unless YOU chose to make them marital assets. In this case DH is not trustworthy enough for that happen and I would limit any access he has even to money he earns if he gives money to the toxic spawn. Some things may not require approval but anything should be informed at the very least.

If DH pays the school loans DH needs to be paying alimony too.

IMHO of course.