Poor widdle DH doesn't want a birthday celebwation unwess his kids can come, too.
Oh PUH-LEASE. Got into a huge discussion (aka FIGHT) over dinner on Friday Night out when I asked DH what he wanted to do for his birthday. I have been asking for weeks do I can prepare something if need be.
Last year I threw an amazing dinner party for the family. SS17 was there because at the time, I hadn't disengaged. SS22 and her asshole husband weren't invited - because they are both assholes and posted a ton of shit on Fbook about DH and myself. DH was so sad that his daughter couldn't be there for his special evening - so I caved and invited them and had a MISERABLE time biting my tongue and being uncomfortable in my own home.
This year - I put down boundaries that the skids aren't welcome in my house unless and until their behavior changes towards me. DH can do whatever the hell he wants to with them somewhere else.
So when he told me he wanted to invite his kids over for the "party", I flipped. We went over this again and again, in therapy too! He just doesn't friggin get it! I said I am not cooking a magnificent meal, pouring my heart and soul into preparations for THEM to enjoy No fucking way. You pulled this crap last year and I'm not having it this year.
His response - "Well, if they can't be at my party, then I don't want a party."
Me - "Done - no party. I'll tell your mom, my parents, my brother and my kids that you don't want a party because your kids can't be there, so there's nothing to celebrate."
WHY WHY WHY do the people who treat him (and his wife) like absolute shit, make all of the fucking rules. Why does his life (and mine) revolve around those assholes?
So - I agreed. No gift, no card, no cake - nothing. He said , "Well, It would be ok to have a cake." I laughed and said, "Get it yourself."
If he doesn't want a party,
If he doesn't want a party, he doesn't want a party. No biggie. Much less work and fuss and bother for you.
Don't do the 'fine, I'll tell your mother, my parents, my brother and my kids' thing. That's almost as childish as his 'if my kids can't come, I don't want one'.
It's his birthday. He can spend it all lonesome and by himself (or perhaps just dinner out for you and he, quietly) if that's what he wants. He's manipulating you into inviting his kids. You're trying to manipulate him into having a party without his kids or you'll tell all your family on him. For Pete's sake, this is a grown man. Do nothing at all for the big baby turd if that's what he wants. Let it go. Be done with it. You asked, he replied. It's no party for him.
It's probably time to stop the big dinner birthday party dinners anyway (his kids there or not). Unless it's a milestone birthday, who cares if he would rather sit around, pout and mope through his birthday. If the kids aren't welcome in your home and he doesn't want a party without them. Fine. No party. If all he wants is a cake with you. Fine. Make him a nice little cake for two. End of story. End of issue.
So since you don't know the
So since you don't know the back story - I won't hold your judgement of me against you.
People are already planning on attending the party...so I have to tell them there isn't one after all. I'm not going to lie and make up a different reason for the cancellation. He knows his kids can't be in our house because of THEIR behavior.
He can make his own fucking cake.
I did not know people were
I did not know people were planning on coming already. It sounded as if the event had not yet been decided to even occur as you said you kept asking what he wanted . (My bad)
No, you shouldn't lie to people who had already thought they were invited and planning on attending. You have to tell them something as to the cancelled plans. He's being a big baby turd. Simple as that. Certainly your own family can hear the truth. Kids are not invited so he wants no party. Fine he gets no party.
I count myself lucky in that
I count myself lucky in that regard. My husband knows his daughter is a little nasty drama queen and agrees that she's not welcome here anymore. He takes her out to dinner when he wants to see her. He would rather be home with me and my son. My son and husband are very close.
"Well, It would be ok to have
"Well, It would be ok to have a cake"
Too Funny. Guess his planned back fired.
OMG - I don't know how you
OMG - I don't know how you kept your cool when your SD and her DH showed up at your BBQ. That's unbelievable!
I keep telling my DH he can do whatever he wants with his kids but stop asking me to be involved with ingrates who hate me.
I asked him, "If you want to throw a party for your daughter (SD22) and she insists that you invite her mother (DH's EX) or no party, would you invite BM?" He said NO way! I pointed out the parallel and...waited....crickets.
I'M SO SICK OF THESE PEOPLE
That's PRECISELY what I
That's PRECISELY what I recommended to him. Not only do his kids treat me like shit, but they have been nothing short of assholes to my parents, DH's mom and my own kids. NO ONE wants to be around them. It's not just me. So do everyone a favor and celebrate with them - you're the only one who wants to!
My DH does this too. Drives
My DH does this too. Drives me up the damn wall. Me and my kids, we get excited for birthdays, I made him a cake, got him a little something and when the we all tried to sing happy birthday to him he just had an annoyed look on his face and said "I don't give a shit about birthdays"
Ok fine...we ate the cake and left him alone for the rest of the day.
He was probably all pissy
He was probably all pissy because you and your kids think enough of him to do something nice and he's reminded that his own kids don't care. Happens here all of the time. DH just sits and laments over his asshole kids and ignores all of the people who go out of our way to be nice. Disgusting