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At the end of my rope!!!

christinen's picture

Hi everyone! I have talked about my situation in other posts but so you don’t have to go back, I’ll just give you the quick version- been with my fiancé 2 years, living together 1 year, supposed to get married this April but we have been having some major issues. SD4 is with us every other week for the full week & fiancé has major guilty daddy syndrome which I have discussed in other posts. Anyway, things have been really bad lately; I stayed at my mom’s a couple nights and have been thinking about calling off the engagement and getting my own place. I don’t want to live this way anymore. We have been to counseling (2 sessions so far, going again on Friday). The counselor gave us suggestions on things to try. I have tried everything and he has done nothing. For example, the counselor said he needs to make more couple time when SD is there and it shouldn’t be like “her week” & then “my week.” Right now we have NO couple time on “her weeks” because I guess he is trying to make up for the time she is not around by making it all about her when she is there. I’m completely miserable. Now for the reason why I am still here- the weeks SD is not there are perfect! We never fight (only when she is there), we have a great time, we go out & do things, we cuddle, it’s actually a great relationship and that is what I have been holding onto. He doesn’t even have bad intentions- he thinks he’s a great dad! In reality, he is raising a spoiled brat and ruining his relationship with me in the process. I seriously am at a loss right now. I just don’t know what to do. I have also tried disengaging but it didn’t really work because he doesn’t care if I am around or not when SD is there- he only cares about doing fun things with her all week. I feel like I have done above and beyond to fix this relationship and nothing has worked. What have you all done in this type of situation when you are at the end of your rope?

christinen's picture

Yes, my fiance's mom lives 5 minutes away and is happy to have her over, however my fiance refuses to use babysitters because he feels like he doesn't see SD enough as it is. :O

Bio father's picture

Thats the best babysitter you can have, grandma. You know she's in a safe place with someone you can trust. Its only for a few hours. I love having my kids when I get them but I also know me and my fiance need our time as well.

christinen's picture

Exactly. I mean I'm fine with him spending a lot of those weeks with her, but I am not ok with only having alone time every other week when SD is not there. It shouldn't be "her week", then "my week". We should have couple time every week. I am glad someone understands!

dreadingit's picture

Just because his daughter is there, it shouldn't mean that you cease to exist. With a guilty daddy is a very unpleasant place to be. What if something happens and sd ends up living with your fiance full time? Will you disappear completely? Maybe get your own place for a while, and see if it either makes him realize that he is wrong and change, or you realize that you value your sanity and freedome more than you remembered!