Easter Bunny drama

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Blended Family Issues

DH said last night that he's looking forward to the Easter Bunny's visit this year. This comment came out of nowhere.

"What?" I said.

"The Easter Bunny! The boys look forward to that every year."

"Oh yeah. Mine, too. They love to see what I put in their Easter basket."

DH: "Um...You?"

"Yeah. What - what's wrong?"

DH: "It's just...They don't think it came from the Easter Bunny?"

"No."

DH: "Well...You're going to have to talk to your boys and let them know they can't say anything to my boys."

"What're you talking about?"

DH: "You didn't tell your boys that the Easter Bunny brings their baskets?"

"Uh...No."

DH: "Well then, you'll need to let your boys know that they can't tell my boys that."

"Are you serious?"

DH: "They'll be crushed if they find out, so please have a talk with your boys before it comes up, 'kay?"

His kids are 9 (almost 10), 8, and 7, and it turns out that they wholeheartedly believe in Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy. I just...I'm having a little trouble wrapping my head around this. It's not that they just play along. No, they really, truly believe. DH thinks it's cute and wants to continue it as long as possible.

I didn't raise my kids that way. Of course, my kids have heard of Santa, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy, but they know that those folks are not the ones responsible for presents, Easter stuff, or money under their pillows. I wasn't raised to believe in them, either, and DH said last night that he truly feels sorry for me that I never got to experience the "magic and wonder" that he and his boys have experienced.

I told him that I absolutely know about the "magic and wonder," especially of Christmas morning, and I don't feel that I was cheated out of anything, so there's no need to feel sorry for me at all.

DH admitted that eventually he's going to have to tell his boys the truth, and he worries that they're going to be crushed when they hear it.

The oldest one will be ten soon. I have no idea how these kids are going to react when they're told the truth, but it should be pretty damn sad to watch.

Has anybody else had to deal with this, where your kids believe one thing and the stepkids believe something else? Now I need to make a note to remind myself to keep up the facade around my stepkids. I guess that means my boys have to lie just like everybody else in their lives? Ugh.

I'm just going to tell my

I'm just going to tell my kids to plead the Fifth when it comes to Easter baskets. I REFUSE to order my children to lie and say that any mythical creature brought them anything. I'm just not going to do it. I'll tell them to please keep quiet about it and let the skids continue to believe, and that's about all I'm willing to do.

I asked my DH, point blank, "Do you want my kids to lie?"

DH: "No, not lie...Just tell them not to tell the truth."

"Uh, isn't that LYING?"

DH: ...

This whole topic amuses me in a way. DH is religious, and I'm not. At all. I celebrate these holidays because I want my kids to enjoy the presents and time with family and whatnot, but that's it.

It's funny because DH is religious, yet all he seems to ascribe to these Christian holidays is presents and candy, and fictitious beings who bring said presents and candy to his kids. There's no mention of God or Jesus whatsoever. I pointed that out to him once, and he just looked at me funny.

No, it's all about that

No, it's all about that stupid bunny rabbit and the junk he left for them in the basket. DH does take them to church on Sundays when they're with us. If they hear anything about Jesus, it'll come from their Sunday school teachers, not DH.

It's just funny to me. DH didn't see the problem with it. :?

I think my skids believing in

I think my skids believing in Santa is less disturbing to me than them believing that there's a giant bunny rabbit who brings them candy every year at Easter. And they really BELIEVE it. They're not just saying it. That's just...I don't know. Somehow it's different.

If you were to ask any of my skids what Christmas and Easter were really about, they'd say "Well DUH! Presents and candy!"

I'm not religious, but DH is. It's just strange that I see a problem with that, and he doesn't.

I'm with ya, there. I didn't

I'm with ya, there. I didn't ever believe in the Easter Bunny. Kinda creepy, when you think about it. I mean, a giant bunny hopping around?

hereiam, you beat me to it!

hereiam, you beat me to it! I just posted the same thing below.

I don't understand how you

I don't understand how you can be 9-10yrs. (SD) and still believe in the Easter Bunny. I mean, they know that there aren't such things as giant rabbits, right? At least Santa looks like a real human being.

My FDH and his family are Catholic, but the holidays are all about presents for SD, they don't even say grace before eating. It's sad when people use religion only when it's convenient for them.

DH and BM are both religious

DH and BM are both religious - or at least, they "play church" every Sunday. They talk about raising the children in Godly homes, but when it comes to Christian holidays, there's no mention of God or Jesus whatsoever, just the fat guy in a suit and a giant rabbit.

All I can do is shake my head and laugh. I'm not religious, and I think I give more thought to the religious implications of the holidays than they ever do!

The skids are all confident

The skids are all confident in their beliefs - even though they've all been picked on for them at school - because "Mom and Dad said so!"

Even though I'm pretty disengaged from them, I do worry about how they're going to react when they're finally told the truth. I think it's going to be worse than DH thinks.

It's kinda sad. DH can't

It's kinda sad. DH can't take credit for anything he buys for his kids, except on their birthdays. I'm surprised he and BM didn't come up with a Birthday Fairy to cover those, too.

My kids know where their presents came from, and where their Easter basket stuff came from. It's just my opinion - and I know some parents are very passionate about this topic - but I don't feel that they've missed out on any "magic and wonder" whatsoever. They have a BALL at Christmas and Easter, mythical creatures or no!

I think it's fine to keep it

I think it's fine to keep it small, like have one little thing from Santa or the Easter bunny and everything else from the parent(s), but DH and BM go overboard with it. EVERYTHING is from Santa, except maybe one wrapped present, and EVERYTHING in the basket comes from the Easter bunny.

Yeah, I love how some BM's present that "Oh I'm so poor and struggling and work SO hard to provide for you kids" routine. Our BM does that, too, though she doesn't work. I also wonder how she explains where all the food stamps and child support checks come from.

I'm so glad we do it this

I'm so glad we do it this way. Every Christmas I print a list for the kids to fill out. It has a picture for coloring and it says:

I want __________

I need __________

I'll use ________

I'll read _______

This is what they fill out rather than circling every toy in the catalog and giving a never ending list of ipods etc. The I want one they draw a picture of and send to santa. That's usually the santa gift, along with the stocking and the rest come from us.

I saw this on pinterest!! It

I saw this on pinterest!! It is such a great idea!

I saw it on a parenting blog

I saw it on a parenting blog a few years ago. It's wonderful, especially if you deal with competitive exes, it sort of eliminates the manipulation games from the kids.

Brilliant! Now, let's see if

Brilliant!

Now, let's see if I can get FDH to use it.

http://www.pinterest.com/pin/

http://www.pinterest.com/pin/224757837627076540/

This is a similar one... I changed mine to I'll use instead of I'll wear because the kids are pretty creative/crafty so it's usually supplies or whatever. Also, mine isn't listed Dear Santa, it's just a list with a picture to color and the "I want" item gets sent to Santa separately.

We go a bit overboard and the kids to get more than four things, but it keeps the entitlement in check and the gratitude as well.

Thanks for the link!

This is how we do it, sort

This is how we do it, sort of.

Santa brings SOME gifts and we give some gifts, and they give each other gifts. The family gifts are placed under the tree in the weeks leading up to Christmas, Santa leaves his late Christmas Eve when everyone goes to sleep. It's a juggling act with the paper and tags LOL but that's half the fun I think. And we also choose a gift for the wishing tree from each kid. My kids have grown up believing in the magic of Santa and still appreciate what they get and know how to give.

They also get from the Easter Bunny - he leaves hidden eggs around the house or garden they have to hunt for, the ones from us are given over breakfast.

And the Tooth Fairy is responsible for ALL tooth losses and monetary exchanges.

They eventually grow out of believing it but I personally feel there is no harm in letting them believe in magic for as long as possible. My older three dd's stopped believing at around the 10yo mark, the skids are 13 and 10 and now no longer believe either, but the rule is you DON'T tell the younger people. They become part of the fun in making the magic happen.

ALL my kids - dd24 down to dd8 - still get Santa and Easter Bunny gifts, it's tradition, it's fun and it does not HARM anyone.

Helping keep the magic alive for your skids will not damage your children and I am really sad that you would consider ruining their experience by not helping your husband - this is "the small stuff" and one thing I wouldn't mess with.

No, SS9 REALLY believes. I

No, SS9 REALLY believes. I don't think he's faking. He truly does still believe. Poor kid's in for a hell of a time later on if DH doesn't man up and have a talk with him.

All three of them are in for a shock. I'm just glad it won't be coming from me. I'd hate to have to deal with the fallout of it.

I'd never be the one to spill

I'd never be the one to spill the beans to them, because they already see me as sorta mean because I expect them to pick up their dirty clothes and flush the toilet. But I also won't do it because I know how hard it's going to be on them. I don't want to have to see that. DH and BM created this situation, and I don't agree with how overboard they've gone with the whole thing, and I really wish they hadn't done that, because those kids are going to be devastated.

I'm disengaged, but I really do feel bad for them.

Eeek, DH and I have always

Eeek, DH and I have always seen eye to eye on this which I guess I took for granted until reading this. Our kids believe in santa/easter bunny etc. but they get a couple presents from santa and the rest are from us. They get a small easter basket with candy from the easter bunny and usually another small gift from us. Ever Easter I use candy molds to make some of the candy, when SD turned about 10 I started including her in that so that she could still "keep the magic" alive for the younger ones. She helps with the "elf on the shelf" at xmas for the same reason, this way she is less likely to spill the beans.

Are your kids and skids all doing Easter baskets at the same time? I would just let your kids know that your skids believe in the Easter bunny and leave it alone. If the skids are hearing at school that it's not real, it shouldn't bother them to hear it from your bios.

"If the skids are hearing at

"If the skids are hearing at school that it's not real, it shouldn't bother them to hear it from your bios."

Yeah, you'd think so, but no. Once last summer, my son let it slip in front of the skids that Santa wasn't real, and that the parents buy all the presents. (Not sure how it came up. I wasn't there when it happened.)

They were all at BM's house, and the resulting tidal wave of woe and angst (which BM then tried to bitch DH out over) made me decide that neither of my kids would EVER go over there again, for any reason. BM told DH that he needed to KEEP ME IN LINE and let me know that that sort of "behavior" was NOT acceptable around HER kids. Geez, you'd think he'd flashed them or something. Good grief.

From what I heard, all three of the skids cried - literally CRIED - for over an hour at the mere suggestion that Santa wasn't real. They were do distraught that they refused to eat dinner that night, and wanted BM to sleep with them because they were still so upset that their mean stepbrother would even THINK to say such a horrible thing.

It was a major drama fest.

So imagine what DH and BM have in store for them when THEY have to tell them Santa's not real? Poor bastards.

Once again, your kids

Once again, your kids thriving, BM and your DH enabling. :/

I say, damned if you do, damned if you don't so just do whatever you damn well please }:)

I wonder if the kids

I wonder if the kids were/are/will be so upset because they thought they might not get anymore, or as many, gifts, or because the 'magic' could be gone? Or that mommy/daddy lied?

I don't know for sure, but I

I don't know for sure, but I think the thing that's going to upset them the most is that DH and BM lied, and that's exactly how they're going to see it. "You LIED to me!"

All three of them have endured ridicule at school over this issue, and they always answer with "I know it's true because DH and BM said so, so you're wrong!" That's exactly what DH and BM have told them to say whenever anyone tells them Santa and the Easter bunny aren't real.

These kids have put SO much stock in what DH and BM have told them, and after they're told the truth, I think they're going to lose their minds.

I think you're right.

My 9-year-old asked me point

My 9-year-old asked me point blank on Christmas morning when he was four if Santa was real, and if he was the one who gave him all his presents and stuff. I'd sorta dodged the issue up until that point, never saying outright anything about Santa at all.

My opinion is, if the kid is old enough to ask the question, they're old enough to get a straight answer. I told him that, yes, I bought him those presents. He wasn't upset. He just sort of shrugged and went back to playing with his new stuff. I did tell him to keep it to himself, but he's a blabbermouth and just says whatever comes to mind sometimes, so he did let it slip in front of the skids once. Ugh, you'd think he shot the skids in the heart, the way they carried on about that.

It baffles me. I asked DH

It baffles me. I asked DH once, totally exasperated, "What were you and BM THINKING? Do you realize what you're setting yourselves and your kids up for?!"

They don't care. They just carry on as usual.

Doesn't one of them think

Doesn't one of them think he's a dog?

Ha ha ha! Yes, he does! The

Ha ha ha! Yes, he does! The 8-year-old. DH and BM don't seem overly concerned about that, either.

Well they're his kids so I'd

Well they're his kids so I'd tell your kids to keep it cool. If they question why just say its up to the parents to tell them and his kids parents don't want to yet.

It's not your place to interfere with this. He may be setting his kids up for a major heartbreak and maybe a lash back on him and his ex. He's going to end up apologizing for it in the end.

Ehh...I would just let DH

Ehh...I would just let DH parent how he wants to. Don't tell your kids to lie, but don't tell them to run to DH's kids to tell them the truth. (and no..that is not lying..that is compassion and NOT trying to stir the pot).

There are 2 things that always amaze me about step moms. They want to control what the skids eat and how they eat and the amount of time it takes them to eat. lol They also want to determine when the skids are supposed to believe or not believe in Santa, eater bunny ect.

I just don't get either one of those.

I would just let this go. Not a big deal in the scheme of things.

I'm disengaged, and I truly

I'm disengaged, and I truly don't care one single whit what my skids eat or how they eat or the amount of time it takes them to eat. It doesn't affect me at all. That's DH's problem, not mine. I stay out of it.

I'm also aware that DH and BM can parent those skids any way they see fit. It blows my damn mind, but whatever.

I'm not going to intervene, and I'll continue to tell my kids to keep their traps shut about it, but I'm not going to tell them to lie, either. If nothing else, I'll tell my kids that if the skids want answers, they need to go to DH and BM and ask questions.

Not MY monkeys, not MY circus. And that's just the way I like it. I just wish Christmas and Easter weren't such ticking timebombs of stress and bullshit. They didn't used to be, but now they are, and I don't see things improving any time soon.

Sucks to be my bio kids and me, I guess.

Lol!!! BD6 and SD6 still

Lol!!! BD6 and SD6 still believe in Santa and Tooth Fairy, but not the Easter Bunny.....but then SD6 was totally beside herself when she found out her dad hadnt REALLY bought her the moon!! lmao

(OH used to tell SD6 he bought the moon just for her, so one evening travelling in the car, BD6 said "dont we have a lovely moon mommy" to which SD6 said "ACTUALLY, its my moon not yours my daddy bought it for me" OH thought it funny until BD said "no, you cant buy the moon cos its the moon and its everyones" SD6 went to argue back and I told OH "either you tell her the truth or I do, but I wont have arguing 5 year olds based on a fib!".......SD6 was mortified! lol)

Yikes! Glad I didn't have to

Yikes! Glad I didn't have to deal with that, too! (I'm sure I would have, if DH and BM had thought of it...)

That's too cute, two little 6

That's too cute, two little 6 year olds arguing about who owns the moon. Hehe.

So am I not allowing my kids

So am I not allowing my kids a childhood because I refuse to lie and say that Santa and the Easter bunny are real, live things that bring them presents and candy? I'm not trying to be hateful; I'm just curious, because DH has said the same thing to me.

He said that I "denied" my kids a childhood because I didn't indulge in this fantasy. I say that's not true. They have a childhood. However, they also know where their stuff comes from.

Keep in mind that I will NOT tell my stepkids anything about said mythical creatures, and I will continue to tell my kids to keep quiet about the subject around the skids.

So does that make me a bad guy? Are my kids deprived?

As far as I can see, all they've been deprived of is a lot of ridicule from their classmates. SS9 will be in fifth grade this fall. What kind of hell do you think he's in for if he continues to shout from the rooftops that Santa and the Easter bunny are real?

I do understand that the youngest skid is seven. Hopefully he'll get the scoop before long and this won't even be an issue for him.

Either way, I know these skids are in for a hell of a shock when they DO find out the truth, but I'm NOT getting involved. After hearing about the hour-long sobfest that ensued after my son dared to even suggest that Santa wasn't real, I know it's going to be bad when they find out the truth. I just hate that my kids have to watch everything they say on the matter between now and then.

For my skids' sake, I hope

For my skids' sake, I hope you're right. Either way, there's not much I can (or will) do about it.

Um...Yeah. SS8 wears a

Um...Yeah. SS8 wears a fluffy plush dog costume nonstop when he's at our house, unless DH orders him to take it off. It's beyond creepy. He crawls around on all fours and barks. DH carries on like it's the most normal thing in the world.

He has to say to this eight-year-old, "Now, use your words SS8, please? Don't bark. Use your words, mmmkay?" like he's talking to a damn toddler.

I think I'll start taking pictures like you suggested. Maybe blow them up to poster size and display them at his 16th birthday party.

You are a killjoy....Why

You are a killjoy....Why can't they enjoy the fantasy. Life is harsh, let them have this as long as they can.

Well, you and my husband

Well, you and my husband would be in complete agreement over that. He feels the same way.

Maybe I am a killjoy.

But at least I won't have to deal with the shitstorm that's going to ensue when he finally tells his kids the TRUTH. They've lied and made up elaborate rituals and traditions revolving around Santa and the Easter bunny for these kids' entire LIVES.

Thanks, but I'm not sorry I'm going to be spared that crap with my own kids. Killjoy or not.

When my nephew was about 8,

When my nephew was about 8, he told me he had a very serious question and asked if Santa really did exist. I told him, no, it's a game we play with children we love and next year he could do the same with the kids he loves (his sister and stepsiblings). It was fine with him. He did give presents next year. I guess all he wanted was an honest answer.
Fast forward to about 10 years later when my youngest DD was 7 and asked me the same thing. My answer was exactly the same. Boy, was she not ready to hear it. Really disappointed. Oh, well. Each kid is different.

I think a lot of it is for

I think a lot of it is for the adults' amusement too.

There are adults who believe in spirits, ghosts, vampires, etc., and not everyone calls them dumb.

Lol!

I wouldn't care at all that

I wouldn't care at all that they still believe IF my own kids weren't affected. Sorry I didn't make that clear. They can believe in the Flying Spaghetti Monster if they want. I don't give a damn and it doesn't affect me one way or the other. It's just that my own children are being affected here, and THAT'S the part I have a problem with.

It's hard because the skids

It's hard because the skids like to talk a LOT about Santa around Christmas time, and they're going to start talking about the Easter bunny soon. DH has long, detailed chats with the skids about how reindeer fly, how Santa gets to everybody's house in one night, how he's personally seen and talked to Santa and the Easter bunny many times, tells them what they talked about, how Santa asks about the skids every year when he visits, etc.

The skids try to engage my kids in these discussions, as well.

It's tough for my kids (especially my nine-year-old) to remember to keep quiet when the skids ask him, "I LOVE Santa! Don't you love him, BS9 and BS4? How do you think he's going to get in our house when we don't have a chimney? I've wondered about that but DH and BM say it's just magic, and he can get in even though we don't have a chimney."

Then with the Easter bunny, my kids will have to remember not to mention the Easter candy and goodies I bought on a recent grocery shopping trip since the skids think all that stuff comes from a damn rabbit.

With Christmas, I had to completely revamp the way I've handled presents since my kids were born. Now we have to do everything the way DH and BM always did it. All their presents but one was unwrapped. They had ONE thing to open on Christmas morning. GOD they were disappointed in that change. Easter will be the same. I'm expected to follow all of THEIR traditions. Mine have been left by the wayside.

I was thinking this the other

I was thinking this the other day. I was in line at the store with all of my Easter stuff for kids/skids- baskets, candy, stuff for the baskets and this kid in front of me was just staring at all of the stuff and asking his mom questions (he looked to be around the age where he would know)

I guess that's why we have always had Santa/Easter bunny do one thing and we do the rest.

Side note: the toothfairy at BMs brings effing presents! Does anyone else deal with this? She expected DH to do the same and they get $2 at our house, eventually they will figure it out lol.

OMG - the tooth fairy! BM's

OMG - the tooth fairy!

BM's dad started a ridiculous trend where the tooth fairy leaves them $20 (no I am NOT kidding) So every damned tooth $20.

My kids get whatever small change this tooth fairy has in her purse, if it's an empty purse night it's 5 freaking cents LOL

Well, SD LOVES to tell the dd's about them ALWAYS getting $20!!

I mean really, $20?????? I asked OH why he allowed it, apparently it was done without discussion with him....

I've run into this recently,

I've run into this recently, myself. SS9 lost a tooth, and DH put $10 under his pillow. I was dumbfounded. I mean, we have five kids. That's a LOT of teeth to shell out for.

My son knows that I'm the one who puts the money there (he figured it out on his own when he was about six, but he still plays along), so once SS9 bragged to my son about how much money he got, my son came swaggering up to me and said "Hey, I heard SS9 got ten bucks for his tooth. I've got a loose tooth right now. I only got two dollars for my last tooth...I wonder if the tooth fairy's gonna give me a raise this time?"

Damn it!

Do what he asks. I had to

Do what he asks. I had to have DH do this with my SS and my nieces and nephews. DH doesn't believe in this stuff, so SS doesn't and he tries to ruin it for everyone else. Well, once I told him if he told them the truth he would get nothing, he never said another word. Every Christmas if they say something they get nothing from Santa. Mine are 19 and 15 and trust me, they believe...

"If you don't believe, you don't receive". I say it every time. Why ruin the fun for me?

Ahhhh now you are a woman

Ahhhh now you are a woman after my own heart.

I say the same thing.

My older two are 24 and 21.... when they are home at Easter you better believe there eggs are scattered in the garden too, and at Christmas Santa still brings them pressies, I have lessened this a little as they have aged, and dd24 isn't home every year so it's not so noticeable to the younger ones.

Over time they will get to the point of having an "adult" amount of presents, but heck, I still wrap stuff for OH and I from Santa too!!!

I LOVE it. The kids love it, and it's our family tradition.

The balance is finding the line between your trads and the other families.

OH and BM - kids would always get there Presents left in a sack at the end of the bed, to open on their own Christmas morning, their eggs left in a basket on the floor next to the bed.

To me when I heard that I thought "how sad!"

Our trad (as previously mentioned) is family presents are placed under the tree over the weeks before Christmas (dd24's birthday is Nov 19 so the tree ALWAYS goes up the weekend after her birthday) and then santa leaves his on Christmas Eve. WE all sit together around the tree and unwrap together.

Easter, the Bunny scatters her eggs, and we have the hunt, then over breakfast we give out our family eggs.

And I will continue these trads even when the youngest has stopped believing, because even though they all KNOW it's still magical and fun, and lovely and loving, and that's what matters to me. Creating that special feeling of magic.

Sorry, I didn't get to read

Sorry, I didn't get to read the other posts yet, but maybe you could think of it as having your boys 'pretend' for his kids, instead of 'lying'?

Is there a difference? When

Is there a difference? When the skids ask them point-blank questions about Santa and the Easter bunny, how do they give a black-and-white "pretend" answer?

This is something I've never had to deal with before. My sons have no cousins or any other younger children in their family, on either side, so this has never come up before now. I'm flying blind here!

Oh trust me, I'm very

Oh trust me, I'm very familiar with those three magic words! I use 'em all the time! LOVE 'em!

No worries! My own mother was

No worries!

My own mother was always cagey about Santa when my brother and I were kids. She told me later on that it was because when her parents told her the truth about Santa (and they used to go ALL OUT to convince the kids Santa was real), she was devastated. She swore then that if she ever had kids, she wouldn't do that to them.

She never came out and said Santa wasn't real, but she didn't say that he was, either. If I ever believed anything came from Santa, it was a few things in my stocking, and that was it. I think I sort of believed for a little while, but my mom wouldn't ever give me a straight answer one way or the other. Somehow it just faded away and was never an issue.

But we didn't make a big production about Christmas or Easter when I was a kid, either. My parents focused more on the religious aspects than on a fat man in a suit or a rabbit. My mom's opinion was that focusing too much on "stuff" and candy took away from the true meaning of the holidays, so she wasn't fond of it. We'd get some presents at Christmas and a little candy in our Easter basket, but that was it. No outrageous fanfare or anything. My parents were fairly religious and wanted us to focus more on the Biblical aspects of the holiday, not on getting stuff.

Whenever the skids talk about Santa or the Easter bunny, I usually just give them an "okey-doke" as you said, or find something to do elsewhere while they talk amongst themselves. I stay out of it, because I really have nothing useful to add to the conversation.

I'll find a way to handle it, I suppose, just like I did at Christmas.

But I truly do worry about how those kids are going to react when they learn the truth, and it's going to have to come from DH or BM because they're the only people those kids are going to believe. I'm afraid it's going to be heartbreaking, and I worry about how DH is going to take it, but there's nothing I can do about it.

The problem is that my family

The problem is that my family traditions and his can't coincide. One had to be replaced by the other. I don't like it, but DH's traditions won out.

I won't say this out loud, and certainly not to DH, but I don't enjoy holidays anymore.

You got a DEAL! I'm sure

You got a DEAL! I'm sure there'll be drama aplenty to be shared all around with that booze!

Yep! Hence the user name

Yep! Hence the user name lol!

I wish I learned that phrase so much sooner!

I guess it's all in how you

I guess it's all in how you look at it. Maybe 'acting' would be a better word? You could relate it in that way to your kids...actors aren't constantly 'lying'.

I don't know, it does feel a little deceitful when I have to keep up the charade for my SD, but she's only young once and I try to tell myself I'm not doing anything wrong by keeping up appearances. Although, I won't be the one to have to break it to her that the Easter Bunny is just a fantasy.

ETA: This didn't post in the right spot. It was directed towards OP's comment about the difference between lying and pretending.

As I've said, I WILL NOT TELL

As I've said, I WILL NOT TELL THEM. EVER. Even if DH begged me to be the one to tell them, I'd absolutely refuse.

I've never mentioned a WORD of this to those kids, and I never will.

And as far as imagination goes, those kids live in front of a TV set and have to be FORCED to go outside to play, or do ANYTHING beyond staring at a damn TV screen. Ask them to do anything creative, and all you're going to get is a blank stare from those kids. Believing wholeheartedly in Santa and the Easter bunny has done nothing to change this.

My children - the ones who've been so heartlessly raised by a hussy who didn't dare to teach them about mythical creatures - have WAY more imagination in their little fingers than those skids will EVER have in their entire bodies.

What does believing in Santa and the Easter bunny have to do with imagination? I've never heard that one before, but at least in my case, the two aren't related in any way, shape, or form.

Again, I will NOT be the one telling these kids that what they've been taught all their damn lives by the two people they trust more than anybody else is a LIE.

I understand the world is a rough, cruel place. I get that. I'm a grownup and am fully aware of it first-hand.

This is like politics or religion, I suppose. Arguing one's point endlessly will do nothing but aggravate the situation and won't change anybody else's mind anyway, so there's really no need for it.

I just wondered if anybody else had had to deal with a situation like this, where you have two parents with two different sets of kids, coming from polar opposite parenting philosophies. That's all.

I think DH's kids won't be

I think DH's kids won't be affected long-term, and neither will mine. It rubbed me the wrong way when DH told me last night that he felt sorry for me because I "didn't have anything special" in my childhood because I wasn't raised to believe in those things. He truly felt bad for me because he felt like I'd missed out on something crucial.

I told him not to feel bad, because my childhood was fine, with or without Santa or the Easter bunny.

That's the way I see it, anyway. I'm sure they'll be okay when all is said and done.

He then made it worse by

He then made it worse by saying, all pitiful-like, "See? I feel even worse now because you don't even SEE what you missed out on. You don't even REALIZE how much you didn't get to experience as a child, and I just HATE that for you."

He wasn't trying to be an ass, but dear GOD that pissed me off!

Me too! Now I want

Me too! Now I want some!!!

I've done the footprints (large pair of boots - sprinkle talc around them, walk them on a step and repeat) and fake snow at Christmas, and bits of cotton wool caught in plants in the garden for the bunny, red thread caught in the fireplace at Christmas.

But muddy bunny feet!!! Where do I get them?

If the way they reacted when

If the way they reacted when my son mentioned Santa wasn't real last summer (total meltdown!), it doesn't bode well.

Duplicate

I would if I could. Trouble

I would if I could. Trouble is, I have no idea when they're going to find out. I have a feeling I'll be blindsided with it. I'll just hide out upstairs with my boys until it blows over. Maybe we'll watch a "Twilight Zone" marathon or something. It can't be any more bizarre or surreal than what'll be going on downstairs with the skids...

I haven't read all the

I haven't read all the comments, but I find the number of comments about this fascinating.

Her DH indulges in long, elaborate lies about Santa Claus involving personal conversations held with Santa, etc etc. The kids believe. The kids have some idea that it might not be true, but they don't want to think Dad is a big fat liar, so they MUST believe. What a way to set your kids up! Why not stick to the usual 'Twas the Night Before Christmas tales, instead of inventing a personal relationship with Santa? I think, for me, that was the beginning of the line crossing.

But the fact that her DH and BM are so committed to keeping this 'belief' is also weird. When the kid starts to question, that's when you help them understand. You don't keep insisting that Santa is real, and start making up more and more elaborate lies to back up your tale. When that happens, it's about you. And that is just sad.

There is such a difference, at least to me, between telling a story and telling a lie. Stories about Santa = fun. Lies about Santa = issues involving costly therapy.

But all of that is on her DH and his kids. I can really understand the OP's issue, which is that her DH wants HER kids to join in on the lying game. I really think that's wrong.

My own dad lied a lot - not about Santa, necessarily, but just in general. When I figured it out was when he asked me to lie to my sister - to tell her that he was at her school play but he really wasn't. That's when I stopped trusting him. I think if the OP asks her kids to lie, she might be breaking the trust she has with them. And to do that in order to indulge her DH on something she doesn't agree with - I think that's too high a price to pay.

But the fact that her DH and

^^^ THIS. When that happens, it's about you.. This!! Who had the bad childhood and who should we feel sorry for?

I let my children believe but I didn't lie to them when it came out, it came out and the truth was told. I read them the story of ST Nick and how that Santa was originated. IMO, It is just a fun game but it is not reality, it is not preparing these children for real life.

I know a child (8-9 yo) that was told from a cousin that Santa wasn't real and she cried for days. The parents were furious that this child was told "the truth" from the older cousin but had to admit when confronted by the child that Santa wasn't real. The child is 21 years old now and still remembers how it felt to be told and how she felt when she realized her parents had let her believe a lie and they had lied to her. She will tell you it devasted her for a while. She was angry with the cousin at first but then she became very angry with her parents.

To this day she says that she will NOT make/let her children believe there is a real Santa! She will not lie to her children.

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