Does anyone else not invite stepkids?
For those with bio and stepkids-do you ever just play a board game with your bio kids for instance? I feel like I am so not welcoming with my stepkids because I can see into the future things will not go well. At least with the two older ones. This just happened with me and I'm feeling a bit guilty. Two of my bio kids were playing with the stepkids and it was getting rowdy. So I asked my kids to come out of the stepkids room and play a board game with me to try to calm things down. Stepsons were busy wrestling. Maybe I should have asked them too?
Now here's the thing with SS 13, I just can't be involved in board games with him. He will take over and try to boss even me around and I just can't. So I have good reasons but still, I know I'm dividing the family more. Then SS8 comes and watches us play, I invite him to play and he says no, but keeps asking us questions and needing attention. I said, you can play with us, but if you don't want to, why don't you find something else to do? I mean it's weird to me to do this. His kids just cannot entertain themselves.
Then later my 9 yo son was trying to help my daughter fix something. SS13 is lurking behind my chair just waiting for him. I kind of said, what are you doing? He says, waiting for him (my son). I said, ok, he will be with you in a minute and this kid just keeps standing there. Like, boundaries, give him some space and quit following him around like a lost puppy. I am glad the stepkids want to spend time with my kids, I know it could be worse, but they just drive me up the wall. I also work this weekend and honestly just wanted a little time with my kids. I find these things difficult with bio kids and stepkids you don't care for, especially because DH is so great and understanding with my bio kids.
Another slant
My 3 SKs weren't bad kids but were boisterous and aggressive, compared to my 2. They were all 5 around the same age, six years from the oldest to the youngest. Initially, I was concerned about my 2 kids but I decided they needed to learn how to interact with people who were different from them. All are in their 50's now. My kids became more street-smart and I'm sure the SKs picked up some things, too. Even dealing with manipulative SD was a life lesson.
If one of the kids had been as twisted as some we read about here on ST, or if there had been a big age disparity, perhaps this wouldn't have worked. But letting all 5 of them sort it out worked for us.
I think you are right and I
I think you are right and I just need to let them be. I know my stepkids could be so much worse. Maybe I am worried how my kids are being influenced by them. I don't want my kids to turn out to be like them, but they will be around other kids at school that I'm not too fond of and I need to let them figure things out. It's kind of a control thing for me. And sometimes I do feel like the stepkids are trying to get into the little bubble my kids and I have. I'm sure this is a personal problem I have to figure out. But it is hard to enjoy time with my kids sometimes because of my stepkids and I'm a bit resentful for them because if this.
It takes all kinds
You are correct that they will encounter all types at school. Our 5 are all quite different people and they all had many friends coming thru here. It was an education, how to deal with a manipulator, how to deal with an introvert, how to deal with someone who never met a stranger, how to deal with a bright artist, how to deal with a comedian. And, dont get me started on the friends. Lol.
My biggest challenge was learning to hear all sides. Initially, I wanted to jump to my kids' defense. Many incidents finally taught me to reserve judgment til I heard it all.
Our rule is be kind to
Our rule is be kind to yourself and others. If you can't do it, remove yourself until you can.
It's an ongoing battle but we will drill it in their heads always. If you are peaceful playing a board game and someone starts being bossy? You have one chance to make it right. Can't do it? Remove yourself until you can. You want to come back and try again? Great! You do it again? We are done for good for this game. I can't stand playing anything with youngest SS. If he doesn't win he screams and cries and calls people cheaters. It's so annoying! We stopped playing anything with him for a while and he's starting to get it but as soon as it turns the corner? BYE!!
Also, don't ever feel guilty for wanting to spend time with just your bio kids!!! It's absolutely okay! In fact, it's healthy!! I just got back from a weekend away with just my kids and DH got a weekend to spend with his. I have exactly ZERO guilt! LOL!! It's great for kids to have just their bio sometimes!
I do the same thing. I'm
I do the same thing. I'm trying to figure out how to get away for the weekend and not bring her either. Not my responsibility beause if she did come I would be footing all of her bill because her dad cannot. Again, not my problem.
It's not your job to entertain his kids, it is however your job to be your kids mom.