Dislike SD - should I stay with my boyfriend?
I started dating my boyfriend about 3 years ago, when his daughter was 5 years old. Initially I was annoyed by her, but she's not a bad kid, compared to some of the other kids here. She's annoying like a typical child, she's selfish, whiny and cries all the time. I was thinking that as I progressed in my relationship with my boyfriend (e.g. moving in), my relationship with her would grow as well. However, that has not been the case. 3 years later, I still feel nothing but dread when I think about SD. To make matters worse, SD's mom is in the Navy and is often available or has schedule changes. We don't have any consistency regarding a schedule, and find ourselves having to cater to SD's mom's needs at a moments notice. We often have SD full time because of this.
In the honeymoon phase of the relationship, I felt like I could stay with my boyfriend despite my feelings towards SD. Lately I've been having second thoughts...I find myself thinking of the future and feeling like she's going to "ruin it". We're not engaged right now, but when we talk about having a wedding, all I can think about is how she'll be there and it will ruin the day. I worry that my resentment of the situation will only continue to grow as we get married or have our own children. I'm looking for some advice...have any of you gotten married feeling like I do and been glad that you did it? Should I walk away now, while it's still easier?
A little more detail - I love
A little more detail - I love my boyfriend and feel like our relationship is good when SD is not there. It breaks my heart to think about leaving him, but I'm worried that my resentment and loneliness will only grow.
Thanks for your comment! I'm
Thanks for your comment! I'm only 26 so at this age, I feel like there is a large group of men that are single and have no kids. You're right that I would likely feel this way about any child; if I do decide to leave, I will not be entering into another relationship with skids.
You're also right that even the existence of his daughter bothers me, it doesn't matter what she's doing. I'm aware that it's not her fault or even my boyfriend's fault. I don't feel like this relationship will work in the long run if I continue feeling like this. I'm worried that my feelings of resentment and dislike will continue to intensify, as they have over the last 3 years.
You have a wise head on young
You have a wise head on young shoulders and know your limits. In your shoes I'd leave.
if you feel like this now, it
if you feel like this now, it will most likely not change.I admire you for your honesty and wisdom- it can help doing what is right for you and your future.Just hang around here for a while and read peoples stories.I am in my 40 ties and walked out of a relationship with a man and his daughter last year- best thing I have done for myself.I found myself disliking that kid so much and dreading every time we came over- she behaved like a mini wife and ex SO was allowing that a lot to happen.But I realised she is always going to be around and this dreadful thought gave me enough strenght to walk away for my sanity.Funnily enough this decision made me very strong inspite of having loved exSO a lot.I felt deliberated when they left even though I missed him for a while of course. Not long after I started dating a lovely man without young kids who puts me first and I can plan my life together without any horrible influences!! I have 3 kids myself , actually only two under age , and they don't cause any troubles to our rs like my former SD.You are young and free- don't settle for anything than the best.....you have a great chance to find someone single and have your own babies when you are ready- your SD would always be there , regardless of wedding, babies, your whole life....if you stick with him.There are other lovely man out there, I promise!
I felt the same exact way
I felt the same exact way when i met my now husband, i hated her daughter so much, and i told my then boyfriend but we both were so in love we stayed toguether, and i was so happy when she was not here, but it was hell everytime she came around which was not very often, maybe once a month or even every 3 months, the feeling never went away, after 5 years we have a 2 year old and the feeling is not the same i dont hate her anymore, but let me tell you one thing, I do wish it was just my husband and our child, but for me is too late I already have a child with him, so from my own experience i would strogly advice you to leave and find a man with no kids, if i were to do it again i would leave and marry somebody with no kids, and let me tell you my husband loves me so much and he has put me at the same level as his kid and sometimes chose me over his kid and stil if i could go back i would nt marry him so please do it now, you wll be thankful you did