Oh yes! BM hasn't been with my husband for almost 7 years or more. For that entire time, in fact, she was with another man who she claimed she married (but she didn't) until he recently passed away. DH and I have been together for 3 1/2 years and the entire time we have been together and even before, she has been relentless about trying to get with DH. She would call, text, send pictures, leave voicemails, show up...anything she could do. And, yes, she was with her "husband" the whole time! DH finally stopped all communication with her and will only communicate with her through a third party now. He also changed his number, so she can only call the house phone (which she won't seem to do...funny). She would even call DH to take care of her when she was sick OR take her to the hospital to see her daughter (who is no relation to him)! It's ridiculous and I don't understand how people like her are allowed out of the ward!!!
In the beginning, I think it was mainly a problem for me. He did try to make any communication only about their son, but it was almost impossible to get her to stop the other stuff. Honestly, it was a HUGE problem in our relationship for a long time because I felt (and rightly so) that he could take control of the situation if he really wanted to. I asked him for years to change his number, and he never would (even after he went to third party communication) until, I finally reached my limit and told him I would leave. His justification was that by changing his number, he was letting her win. My justification was that by chaging his number, he was taking control of the situation AND saving our relationship. I know he's not really at fault (completely). He did switch to third party drop off/pick ups and communication pretty much on his own, but I must say I really struggled with BM trying to put a wedge between us. I guess he didn't so much because he is a guy with a guy brain and he felt as long as he wasn't doing anything in return then it was ok. He didn't realize that simply allowing her to keep the crap up was damaging as well. We had her banned from our property so she can't show up anymore. If she has to get a hold of him for any reason, she has to go through his mom or our home phone. I can't lie. I held him responsible for almost the entire time and I honestly think he was a big part of the problem by not fixing it. But, he finally did everything he could (even if it was only a month ago) and everything is good so far.
Men like the attention I think from an ex especially when it builds their self esteem. They don't realize they have the power to change the way the communication goes...they are afraid that they won't be able to see their kids and so BM can usually get away with being so manipulative to get what they want. My DH has gotten better but I still think he doesn't share everything with me in regards to communication. I rarely talk or text my ex and if I do I usually include a message to his wife so they both see it (not because it was expected at all, I just think it is respectful)
I completely agree! In fact, I told him that I thought he craved the attention and feeling like he was so desperately wanted and needed and that's why it took him so long to change things! He disagreed, of course! Yeah, right, DH! What's even worse in our situation is that DH has full custody of SS! She has absolutely NO reason to be in hardly any contact! Ugh...just the thought of herhas me fuming! I know exactly what you mean thinking that he may not be sharing everything with you about communication. I drove DH absolutely crazy with questions every time I heard any noise coming from his phone (this stems from the beginning of the relationship too, when I stumbled upon the types of communication he was getting). Since the number change, I have let up. I hate that I let myself get so worked up because of her disgusting actions, but smetimes I can't help it!
So its partly not trusting BM but also not trusting DH...I can relate and it really sucks...I think it is the attention and they like it. I think they wanted to feel wanted from other women (even if it is an ex) It makes them feel better about themselves.
My XH said (just a few weeks ago) that if the opportunity presented itself, he would get back with me. He still loves me, etc.
My DH doesn't care. It doesn't even come up. Why? Because he KNOWS I love him and there's no reason to let it bother him!
I suggest you handle it the same way. So what if BM wants him back? If he's with you and in love with you, what's it matter if BM makes a fool of herself?
I also think it is important for boundaries to be set with an ex and they should know what is okay to talk about and what is not. If you don't want your ex talking to you about things like that then its up to you to put a stop to it. It's not really right for your husband to have to deal with anything like this regarding your ex. Even if your husband KNOWS you love him its still not right for your ex to be "hitting on you"
My husbands ex (BM) doesn't actually say things but its the actions that she takes to get his attention and her requests.
It's worse. He said this to OUR KIDS. What POS does THAT?!? As soon as I found out, I told him to knock it off in no uncertain terms or he wouldn't see the kids again. (He has no custody/visitation.)
I completely hear ya all. I know he would never take her back but still the thoughts there cause she's his daughters mother. I really appreciate my BF honosty when it comes to what she says and texts to him. But always questions if theres more. She's made so many redicoulous comments like "You seem sexually frustrated" at least his response was cause I just got home was while my GF home shell take care of that. lol Lots of things, I miss you, regret, and some actions about showing her tan and her strap "accidentally" fell low and says well not like you haven't scene them before. Shes pathetic. Having him put a bed together.
But those comments don't get to him. Me HUGE! He just says well whats he suppose to say. And half the stuff she says he doesn't even pay attention to. It means nothing to him. We've all said that she wants him back but denies it. It's not even a jealous issue cause I do know, well pretty sure he'd never take her back, its the fact that he doesn't do anything, even though he knows it drives me nuts. But like your stories doesn't want to make waves till custody has been established.
I just find her to be pathetic and desperate. I think what happened was a she thought he'd always be there to come back to and what's the saying "You want what you can't have".
She thinks that they (her, daughter, him) should get together and do things, celebrate birthdays, xmas etc and he's says no that there not a family, they are 2 seperate family's and that we (me, him, my son, his daughter) will celebrate as a family. That pisses her off more then anything I love it. She is just drawing at straws and using her daughter to try and get alone time with him, and shes getting pissed cause he won't. Which she blames me for him not, whatever I got broad sholders.
I just hope after custody figured out that he puts her in her place. And only contact is about daughter, nothing else.
I didn't read all the replies but my bm said she stole dh from me once before and she will do it again. Now the thing is that she doesn't do this stuff to my face or even over the phone she sends someone to tell me. I laughed and said ok first she didn't steal him from me we weren't together then, second he can't stand her and she makes him sick to look at her. Then dh called her and let her know in no uncertain terms that he will NEVER get back with her and the only reason he was with her in the first place was b/c she got preggo and he was trying to do the right thing. And he should have made up with me when we had our fight before he met her and never have been with her. He didn't love her and never will in fact she grosses him out.
I handled it by just laughing at her. Mainly b/c it was funny. }:)
It's amazing the things that people convince themselves of that are not true...I think some people actually live in a delusional state of mind. It's definitely not reality...at least DH is very clear with you on where he stands. I'm glad for that. Sometimes DH like the attention...
I agree it is amazing what they convince themselves of. Honestly it took her 2 years to figure out that I am the same person dh was with before they got together. She even said one day how she was dating this guy that has the same name as someone she used to date and that it was funny how purple is the same name of the girl he was with before they were together. lol Same WOMAN DUH! Funny thing is that all those years we were drawn to each other but I couldn't be with someone that was married and told him so. We did not see each other for about 5 years then we acidently ran into each other at a local shop AFTER he left her for good and had already filed and in the middle of the divorce. So no I was NOT the other woman as I refused to be. I do know he left her many times but never filed or anything til then, he was really trying to make it work for the kids.
Even dh's mom and family all told me that they knew from the beginning I was the one for him and very glad he finally came to his senses. They were very concerned for him for the 5 almost 6 years he was with bm b/c she was beating him even though he tried to hide it but they knew. His mom told me the last straw was when he came over with a big black eye and a bad cut on his head, bm had punched him in the back of the head and made his head hit a shelf and gave him the black eye and cut. Of course with that came emotional abouse as well. He was so beaten down he was NOT the man he was that I had met all those years ago, I helped him get back to that person and gave him his life back. That may be why he is so protective of me from her.
My hubby has been divorced from his EX for almost 14 years. She asked him a few years back "How much longer are you going to punish me and not let me come back"... Are you kidding me? She was re-married when she said this....Also, after he started dating me she used to call him and tell him to come visit her. Her new husband has a job that requires him to carry a loaded gun. Hubby laughed and said if he did want to run around it would not be with her... Funny thing she ran around on hubby constantly - with the kids in the house no less - and now she has a hubby that fools around on her all over the world... KARMA is all I can say. She is a nut case...I don't get mad cause I know she is no threat to me....
Crazo has been remarried for almost 4yrs and she has pictures on facebook of my SO's and her wedding. Not her and her current husband but of the man she cheated on and is divorced from.
Yes she wants him back, bad... but there is no way. She burned that bridge and is constantly burning the earth around it.
But it is very weird, when you know the ex wants your man back. Truthfully, crazo just wants what she can't have.
I think it's time to get the pics of the "old" and deal with the "new" Amazing on how people never really want to move on with their lives...seems like they keep holding on to something that really never was much to hold on to.
I think it's time to get the pics of the "old" and deal with the "new" Amazing on how people never really want to move on with their lives...seems like they keep holding on to something that really never was much to hold on to.
I think it's time to get the pics of the "old" and deal with the "new" Amazing on how people never really want to move on with their lives...seems like they keep holding on to something that really never was much to hold on to.
The Bm begged BF to take her back after she found out he was dating me!! This was after she moved out because she wasn't happy :? She spent the whole entire year screwing anyone who would have her and she expected to be waiting untill she was done.
Once, after SO and I had been living together for just a couple months, BM came over and told me that SO was still wrapped around her little finger and the moment she said the word, he'd be back with her. She was, and still is, living with the guy she cheated on SO with. Hell, she has the guy's name tattoed on her in plain visible sight. It used to be once a month, but I think has dwindled down to once every couple months, she comes crying to SO to get back together. It upsets me because SO, in his non-confrontational must never upset BM way, used to beat around the bush with her and instead of outright saying NO, would turn the conversation to "well, you wrecked everything" or "I'm not going to talk about this". These days he won't talk to her in front of me, but he claims he tells her NEVER. I know he is repulsed by her, has not loved her in many years, and didn't want to be married to her from Day 1. I truly don't fear them getting back together, but it is the way she thinks that they will and that I'm disposable that bothers me.
I understand this completely! BM calls my boyfriend at 2 in the morning saying that he's the only one she can talk to, even tho she lives with her new baby daddy. She calls him constantly just to talk about life. She texts him about every few weeks asking him if he's happy with his life or if he wants things to be the way they were. For the most part he doesn't answer the phone anymore when she calls. And he doesn't respond to those kind of texts. When she calls she has to leave a message and he will only return the call if it's about their daughter. Even though he does all this, I still get jealous, he doesn't understand, and most of the time I don't understand it. I just know that I don't want them to be around each other, and since he can't stand her it's not that big of an issue.
Yup. BM flat out told me, at
Yup. BM flat out told me, at the skiddo's Dr. office, that she would trade places with me in a minute.
so how did you reply?
so how did you reply?
I told her, since it WAS at a
I told her, since it WAS at a Dr. office and SS was present after all, that if she had anything to say to me, she needs to email it. And to get a job.
Oh yes! BM hasn't been with
Oh yes! BM hasn't been with my husband for almost 7 years or more. For that entire time, in fact, she was with another man who she claimed she married (but she didn't) until he recently passed away. DH and I have been together for 3 1/2 years and the entire time we have been together and even before, she has been relentless about trying to get with DH. She would call, text, send pictures, leave voicemails, show up...anything she could do. And, yes, she was with her "husband" the whole time! DH finally stopped all communication with her and will only communicate with her through a third party now. He also changed his number, so she can only call the house phone (which she won't seem to do...funny). She would even call DH to take care of her when she was sick OR take her to the hospital to see her daughter (who is no relation to him)! It's ridiculous and I don't understand how people like her are allowed out of the ward!!!
So how do you deal with it?
So how do you deal with it? Was the communicatin a problem for him? or for you? I know how I would feel about it...and have felt.
In the beginning, I think it
In the beginning, I think it was mainly a problem for me. He did try to make any communication only about their son, but it was almost impossible to get her to stop the other stuff. Honestly, it was a HUGE problem in our relationship for a long time because I felt (and rightly so) that he could take control of the situation if he really wanted to. I asked him for years to change his number, and he never would (even after he went to third party communication) until, I finally reached my limit and told him I would leave. His justification was that by changing his number, he was letting her win. My justification was that by chaging his number, he was taking control of the situation AND saving our relationship. I know he's not really at fault (completely). He did switch to third party drop off/pick ups and communication pretty much on his own, but I must say I really struggled with BM trying to put a wedge between us. I guess he didn't so much because he is a guy with a guy brain and he felt as long as he wasn't doing anything in return then it was ok. He didn't realize that simply allowing her to keep the crap up was damaging as well. We had her banned from our property so she can't show up anymore. If she has to get a hold of him for any reason, she has to go through his mom or our home phone. I can't lie. I held him responsible for almost the entire time and I honestly think he was a big part of the problem by not fixing it. But, he finally did everything he could (even if it was only a month ago) and everything is good so far.
Men like the attention I
Men like the attention I think from an ex especially when it builds their self esteem. They don't realize they have the power to change the way the communication goes...they are afraid that they won't be able to see their kids and so BM can usually get away with being so manipulative to get what they want. My DH has gotten better but I still think he doesn't share everything with me in regards to communication. I rarely talk or text my ex and if I do I usually include a message to his wife so they both see it (not because it was expected at all, I just think it is respectful)
I completely agree! In fact,
I completely agree! In fact, I told him that I thought he craved the attention and feeling like he was so desperately wanted and needed and that's why it took him so long to change things! He disagreed, of course! Yeah, right, DH! What's even worse in our situation is that DH has full custody of SS! She has absolutely NO reason to be in hardly any contact! Ugh...just the thought of herhas me fuming! I know exactly what you mean thinking that he may not be sharing everything with you about communication. I drove DH absolutely crazy with questions every time I heard any noise coming from his phone (this stems from the beginning of the relationship too, when I stumbled upon the types of communication he was getting). Since the number change, I have let up. I hate that I let myself get so worked up because of her disgusting actions, but smetimes I can't help it!
So its partly not trusting BM
So its partly not trusting BM but also not trusting DH...I can relate and it really sucks...I think it is the attention and they like it. I think they wanted to feel wanted from other women (even if it is an ex) It makes them feel better about themselves.
Thank god no!! That would be
Thank god no!! That would be hard and add stress and animosity and complications all around. Sorry for those of you that have this to deal with.
My XH said (just a few weeks
My XH said (just a few weeks ago) that if the opportunity presented itself, he would get back with me. He still loves me, etc.
My DH doesn't care. It doesn't even come up. Why? Because he KNOWS I love him and there's no reason to let it bother him!
I suggest you handle it the same way. So what if BM wants him back? If he's with you and in love with you, what's it matter if BM makes a fool of herself?
I also think it is important
I also think it is important for boundaries to be set with an ex and they should know what is okay to talk about and what is not. If you don't want your ex talking to you about things like that then its up to you to put a stop to it. It's not really right for your husband to have to deal with anything like this regarding your ex. Even if your husband KNOWS you love him its still not right for your ex to be "hitting on you"
My husbands ex (BM) doesn't actually say things but its the actions that she takes to get his attention and her requests.
It's worse. He said this to
It's worse. He said this to OUR KIDS. What POS does THAT?!? As soon as I found out, I told him to knock it off in no uncertain terms or he wouldn't see the kids again. (He has no custody/visitation.)
I just hope she finds a
I just hope she finds a boyfriend and stops being so needy.
I completely hear ya all. I
I completely hear ya all. I know he would never take her back but still the thoughts there cause she's his daughters mother. I really appreciate my BF honosty when it comes to what she says and texts to him. But always questions if theres more. She's made so many redicoulous comments like "You seem sexually frustrated" at least his response was cause I just got home was while my GF home shell take care of that. lol Lots of things, I miss you, regret, and some actions about showing her tan and her strap "accidentally" fell low and says well not like you haven't scene them before. Shes pathetic. Having him put a bed together.
But those comments don't get to him. Me HUGE! He just says well whats he suppose to say. And half the stuff she says he doesn't even pay attention to. It means nothing to him. We've all said that she wants him back but denies it. It's not even a jealous issue cause I do know, well pretty sure he'd never take her back, its the fact that he doesn't do anything, even though he knows it drives me nuts. But like your stories doesn't want to make waves till custody has been established.
I just find her to be pathetic and desperate. I think what happened was a she thought he'd always be there to come back to and what's the saying "You want what you can't have".
She thinks that they (her, daughter, him) should get together and do things, celebrate birthdays, xmas etc and he's says no that there not a family, they are 2 seperate family's and that we (me, him, my son, his daughter) will celebrate as a family. That pisses her off more then anything I love it. She is just drawing at straws and using her daughter to try and get alone time with him, and shes getting pissed cause he won't. Which she blames me for him not, whatever I got broad sholders.
I just hope after custody figured out that he puts her in her place. And only contact is about daughter, nothing else.
I didn't read all the replies
I didn't read all the replies but my bm said she stole dh from me once before and she will do it again. Now the thing is that she doesn't do this stuff to my face or even over the phone she sends someone to tell me. I laughed and said ok first she didn't steal him from me we weren't together then, second he can't stand her and she makes him sick to look at her. Then dh called her and let her know in no uncertain terms that he will NEVER get back with her and the only reason he was with her in the first place was b/c she got preggo and he was trying to do the right thing. And he should have made up with me when we had our fight before he met her and never have been with her. He didn't love her and never will in fact she grosses him out.
I handled it by just laughing at her. Mainly b/c it was funny. }:)
It's amazing the things that
It's amazing the things that people convince themselves of that are not true...I think some people actually live in a delusional state of mind. It's definitely not reality...at least DH is very clear with you on where he stands. I'm glad for that. Sometimes DH like the attention...
I agree it is amazing what
I agree it is amazing what they convince themselves of. Honestly it took her 2 years to figure out that I am the same person dh was with before they got together. She even said one day how she was dating this guy that has the same name as someone she used to date and that it was funny how purple is the same name of the girl he was with before they were together. lol Same WOMAN DUH! Funny thing is that all those years we were drawn to each other but I couldn't be with someone that was married and told him so. We did not see each other for about 5 years then we acidently ran into each other at a local shop AFTER he left her for good and had already filed and in the middle of the divorce. So no I was NOT the other woman as I refused to be. I do know he left her many times but never filed or anything til then, he was really trying to make it work for the kids.
Even dh's mom and family all told me that they knew from the beginning I was the one for him and very glad he finally came to his senses. They were very concerned for him for the 5 almost 6 years he was with bm b/c she was beating him even though he tried to hide it but they knew. His mom told me the last straw was when he came over with a big black eye and a bad cut on his head, bm had punched him in the back of the head and made his head hit a shelf and gave him the black eye and cut. Of course with that came emotional abouse as well. He was so beaten down he was NOT the man he was that I had met all those years ago, I helped him get back to that person and gave him his life back. That may be why he is so protective of me from her.
My hubby has been divorced
My hubby has been divorced from his EX for almost 14 years. She asked him a few years back "How much longer are you going to punish me and not let me come back"... Are you kidding me? She was re-married when she said this....Also, after he started dating me she used to call him and tell him to come visit her. Her new husband has a job that requires him to carry a loaded gun. Hubby laughed and said if he did want to run around it would not be with her... Funny thing she ran around on hubby constantly - with the kids in the house no less - and now she has a hubby that fools around on her all over the world... KARMA is all I can say. She is a nut case...I don't get mad cause I know she is no threat to me....
Crazo has been remarried for
Crazo has been remarried for almost 4yrs and she has pictures on facebook of my SO's and her wedding. Not her and her current husband but of the man she cheated on and is divorced from.
Yes she wants him back, bad... but there is no way. She burned that bridge and is constantly burning the earth around it.
But it is very weird, when you know the ex wants your man back. Truthfully, crazo just wants what she can't have.
I think it's time to get the
I think it's time to get the pics of the "old" and deal with the "new" Amazing on how people never really want to move on with their lives...seems like they keep holding on to something that really never was much to hold on to.
I think it's time to get the
I think it's time to get the pics of the "old" and deal with the "new" Amazing on how people never really want to move on with their lives...seems like they keep holding on to something that really never was much to hold on to.
I think it's time to get the
I think it's time to get the pics of the "old" and deal with the "new" Amazing on how people never really want to move on with their lives...seems like they keep holding on to something that really never was much to hold on to.
The Bm begged BF to take her
The Bm begged BF to take her back after she found out he was dating me!! This was after she moved out because she wasn't happy :? She spent the whole entire year screwing anyone who would have her and she expected to be waiting untill she was done.
Once, after SO and I had been
Once, after SO and I had been living together for just a couple months, BM came over and told me that SO was still wrapped around her little finger and the moment she said the word, he'd be back with her. She was, and still is, living with the guy she cheated on SO with. Hell, she has the guy's name tattoed on her in plain visible sight. It used to be once a month, but I think has dwindled down to once every couple months, she comes crying to SO to get back together. It upsets me because SO, in his non-confrontational must never upset BM way, used to beat around the bush with her and instead of outright saying NO, would turn the conversation to "well, you wrecked everything" or "I'm not going to talk about this". These days he won't talk to her in front of me, but he claims he tells her NEVER. I know he is repulsed by her, has not loved her in many years, and didn't want to be married to her from Day 1. I truly don't fear them getting back together, but it is the way she thinks that they will and that I'm disposable that bothers me.
I understand this completely!
I understand this completely! BM calls my boyfriend at 2 in the morning saying that he's the only one she can talk to, even tho she lives with her new baby daddy. She calls him constantly just to talk about life. She texts him about every few weeks asking him if he's happy with his life or if he wants things to be the way they were. For the most part he doesn't answer the phone anymore when she calls. And he doesn't respond to those kind of texts. When she calls she has to leave a message and he will only return the call if it's about their daughter. Even though he does all this, I still get jealous, he doesn't understand, and most of the time I don't understand it. I just know that I don't want them to be around each other, and since he can't stand her it's not that big of an issue.