Accused of assault - reinstating visitation?
Hi. This is my first post. I will try not to be too long winded.
I've been married to my husband for four years, together for 5.
When we met, I was a single mother to a son who had just turned 4.
He was a recently divorced father of a son who had just turned 3.
Over the course of our relationship, we had many MANY problems
Regarding his ex wife and his son. About 3 years ago, I finally stepped
In and said something to her. I was completely calm but she completely
Overreacted and flew off the handle. She called 911, went to the local
Police department in my town, then the following day in her town as well
As their son's school and told everyone I assaulted her.
I simply spoke to her but she didn't want to hear what I had to say.
It shocked me though and I took it very seriously. What that incident taught me
Was that nothing had to actually happen, but she could easily accuse me
Of anything. After that, she refused to allow her son to come over anymore.
Over the last 3 years, he has seen his son alone every week on week night for a
few hours.
Last week and tonight, apparently she has apologized
For everything she did in the past and wants her son to
Start coming over again and be part of the family. Of course
That is what my husband wants too.
I am scared. I definitely do not trust her at all and worry that the son could go
Home and make up a wild story (he's done this many times in the
Past) and she will believe him, fly off the handle, and call the cops or family services
On me.
Also, I'm scared to start the visitation back up because the last three years were so peaceful
Between my husband and I. We never fought and our lives have become more calm. We now have a 3 year old toddler and expecting another little one in October.
I've suffered through some deaths in my family and it leaves me with no one who can objectively
Talk to me about this. All I hear is "get over it" but I can't just get over it
When I feel like my family life is at stake.
Any thoughts would be tremendously appreciated!
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Of course you won't just get
Of course you won't just get over it, people must grieve in their own time, no wonder you are worried, it is frightening having to deal with someone who acts like this, you must be thinking what next? If I was you I would avoid this woman like the plague, do not give her any excuse to accuse you of anything else, it is impossible to reason with someone who does not use logical thought, my Sd's mother is impossible to reason with, she is the centre of the universe, another golden uterus, she likes to share it around, you need to talk things through with your husband, there must be ground rules, let your husband deal with her and never let yourself be alone with her, your husband needs to formulate a plan. What should he do if she is verbally abusive? What should he do if visitation is stopped again? I expect this whole situation is a nightmare for you, things have been calm and happy, it is a situation that is out of your control, however you can decide how much you put up with, I would also way that as this boy has told terrible lies about you in the past, never be alone with him either, that should cover you, how has your husband dealt with his son when he told these lies about you?
So basically, after 3 years
So basically, after 3 years she's finally realized that she had it pretty good getting free baby-sitting service out of your DH and wants that arrangement back. Because she wants it, you should just suck it up - for the sake of your husband, family peace, or whatever. B.S. I think the best lesson you learned is that you can't reason with crazy and your life is better without it.
So the kid is about 6 now.
So the kid is about 6 now. My first thought is why upset a calm and peaceful apple cart. You're happy and apparently everyone else is except bio-mom who wants more time away from her kid. She get a boyfriend?
Sha has "apparently" apologized. To who? Not you apparently or you wouldn't use the word. That's the place to start. Tell your husband that you'll consider the request provided she is willing to come over and apologize to you in person, in your home, on your turf so to speak. Consider being the key word.
Normally I advise a step-mother to take every hand a bio-mother reaches out but she owes you this at a minimum. If you want to take it a little further require a written apology that you can take to the kids school or that she go there and tell them she lied about you.
Was she using drugs - alcohol - to a point where this happened? It's what I would expect from a user.
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I was in the exact same
I was in the exact same position as you a few years ago. The bio-mother placed a verbal assault charge against me for asking her why she was stating that I spanked her kids (which I did not). She then proceded to point her finger in my face and I was the one that was charged. A few years later the abuse allegations arose again and I have finally stood my ground. No more step-children in my house. I support my husband and the relationship with his children, and I encourage him to have a relationship with them. But, we have two children together and the stress that is placed in our home was awful. I am not risking allegations of abuse anymore. People that are unstable become very dangerous and will stop at nothing to hurt you and your family. Protect your family first.