After 17 years I am sooo done
When I married my DH 17 years ago he had two children (one daughter, age 5 and one son age 2.) Bio mom had a pill popping addiction and rarely showed up for limited visits, so I assumed the parenting role. My spouse was active duty military so he would leave for deployments and during those times, I was solely responsible. My DH and I had 2 sons and we became a modern blended family. The bio mom of my SS SD came back into the picture demanding custody because (although not sober) wanted child support and voiced concern that dad was deployed. The courts gave her custody, and after that we only saw SS and SD summers and winter breaks. It was difficult to see them each time because they were neglected, from their head to their toes and would arrive to us filthy. How any sane mother would put kids on a plane like that is beyond me to this day- but then drugs were always part of the picture. By the time my SS was 15, mom dropped him off at our doorstep with all of his things stating he became a smartmouth and she couldn't deal with it. We continued to pay child support, because we knew if we stopped (legally or otherwise) she would take SS back and we felt he was better off living with us. I signed him up for cooking classes (he liked to bake!) and set up his new room, new clothes, dental care etc... Soon, he began acting out, disappearing for hours, and one day his mom sent him a small box in the mail. I withheld the box until my DH came home from work. My DH opened it and inside was pills= oxycontin and provigil. We contacted the police and they questioned SS and of course he stuck up for bio mom and played dumb. The police opened up a CPS case, sent a social worker to bio moms house who determined that Bio mom was a danger to herself let alone a child and instructed us to go to court immediately for ex parte hearing for full custody. They didn't charge mom with sending the drugs to a minor over state lines no less, due to "lack of evidence." We did court and obtained full custody, but SS was furious and blamed me. I set up addiction counseling for him and we attended both as a family and individual counseling for SS. He told my DH that he would run away if he had to stay with me. He attempted to run away, but with help of police I was able to cut his plans short. BioMom then started calling CPS repeatedly telling lies of physical and emotional abuse so were constantly being interviewed (so were our two bio sons at their school! Yes, CPS will pull them right out of class without your permission.) My husband one day moved out to an apartment up the road to give one on one to my SS. I was more than angry, I actually filed for divorce. Then SS went for his one week summer visit to moms house (which the dumb courts permitted) and SS was found face down on his mothers bedroom floor unresponsive- overdose. My husband was a wreck, and was losing his mind so I dropped the divorce, alowed him to move back in and tried to bear the pain we all felt. Really tough. At my SS funeral his Biomom approached my DH and he yelled murderer at her. She then called the police with a fake report of assault- so he was arrested right there at the funeral. I bailed him out, helped him any way and every way I could find. SD then tried to extort a new car from my DH stating she would corroborate biomoms story if we didn't give her new car. I told my DH that we would not give a new car, but we would report to police and provide the evidence of the text messages (extortion scheme.) So DH was not convicted, but again no charges filed for SD or Bio Mom. I told my DH I would take him back but that he was not to have contact with the drug addicts again. For the past three years we have been living a good life, healing, grieving, finding peace in little things we do as a family to honor SS. Then today I looked through his phone-I heard a message come in. I never do this, so it is weird how everything hit the fan today. I found text messages from last month that SD claimed to be suicidal from withdrawals and baited my DH to send her hundreds of dollars- which he did and never mentioned. Doing more research (on social media) I see she was out partying with biomom the very next day after receiving the money from DH. Obvious to me he was duped, betrayed my trust, and when I confronted him with that saying "we cannot let this come between us, our agreement was no contact because they are criminals and drug addicts" he became verbally abusive at me. God forbid someone speak the truth and I have been through so much over the years but I feel at the end of my rope now. This is NEVER going away. I do NOT want to drag this with me into my old age. I deserve better than this...WE deserve better than this. I'm tired of my DH taking the drug addicts problems out on me. HELP!!