Acceptable contact between BM and MIL?
I want to know what everyone's opinion is on this situation.
My MIL speaks with BM all the time. BM is an ex gf (couple month long relationship), cheated on DH and got pregnant. DH and BM did not have a good breakup. He didn't know she was pregnant until after they split.
MIL calls BM "honey" "sweety" , will put her calls on speakerphone while I am sitting right there.
She also has a huge framed picture of BM and SD on display in the living room.
Also, while me and DH were first together, about a year in, MIL invited BM over for dinner, and therefore, her exact words, I was not invited because MIL didn't want BM to "get upset".
MIL is in not that great of health and can't drive well at night, but will drive 45 min to BM's house to come pick up or drop off the SD when they visit with her.
I don't think any of this is right.
What do you think is acceptable contact/relationship between your DH's Mother and BM?
MIL is kissing ass. and to be
MIL is kissing ass. and to be honest, i don't blame her. kissing ass means unlimited contact with grandkid. she's not doing it for anyone but herself. if the grandchild wasn't there, MIL probably could care less what happened to the mom.
beat everyone to the punch, and don't let it bother you. when granny has a dinner party with mom, you have a naked dinner party with husband. they can't enjoy that now can they?
calls go on speakerphone, get up and fix yourself a martini, or banana split and make one for granny too. it'll confuse the hell out of her.
also, throw in a "how the
also, throw in a "how the hell are ya, BM, come on over mil & i are getting ready to have cocktails".
in all reality, tofu, my mil goes way overboard with her friendlies to bm, too... and talks about her behind her back like she's scum... it used to bother the shit out of me, but now just pisses me off when she gets skids on bm's time and not our visitation time ~~ always giving bm the free pass ~~ mil has even tried to involve dh & i on our FREE weekends when mil has skids from bm....
mil WAS a big problem causer for dh & i in the beginning, but i think she has learned that she can't push starfish around like she has everyone else in her life.... AND that dh stays by starfish, it's hell of alot harder living with me pissed off than mil.
I see why she does it, to see
I see why she does it, to see the kids. However I don;t know why she has to do it or feels the need? Can't she see the kids when your dh has them? I mean my MIL does, she just sets things up with dh and I and we see if we can work something out. But of course my MIL don;t like bm and there never was a relationship with bm and mil anyway. But I still don;t know why mil can't see the kids when your dh has them?
MIL actually does see DH's
MIL actually does see DH's kid while DH has every other weekend, we got out to his mother's house.
MIL also will see DH's kid when it's supposed to be BM's weekend because BM wants to go galavant around solo
honestly, grandparents are
honestly, grandparents are greedy. it's just a reality. think about it. wouldn't it be great to spoil a child, have all the time get to love them, never punish them, and then send them home? how awesome is that!!
I look forward to the day
I look forward to the day when I have kids and they give me grandchildren but I don't think I could be so blind to the feelings of my kid and their spouse. I mean all things in moderation atleast you know?
It's annoying. My in-laws
It's annoying. My in-laws used to do that. They even had BM and the kids at their home for a vacation a few years after DH and I got married. It actually caused some pretty big problems.
I will say this...We got custody of my stepkids several years ago. Once that happened, my in-laws completely cut BM out of their lives. They don't respond to her calls or her texts. They ignore her emails....
It was all about access to the grandkids. I guess I can sort of understand. We were long distance non-custodial for years. And my in-laws lived about an hour from BM back then. They just wanted to maintain consistent contact with the kids.
It did get to the point where
It did get to the point where the last few times we were out at MIL's house and she put BM on speakerphone, i just gave DH that are you freaking kidding me look? (I sit right next to MIL at the dining room table which is where we are usually centered at while inside) Then I've just been going outside. It's just awkward. It puts me in an awkward situation and I just don't like it.
We are anything BUT on good
We are anything BUT on good terms with BM. DH and BM had a bad split and have been on bad terms since before me and DH got married. The spiteful b.s. that she has put me and DH through since we've been together is too much to even recall every instance. We never speak ill of her infront of DH's daughter, but both of us have an extreme hatred towards her.
And MIL knows that both DH and I do not like BM and have had more than our share of crap from her.
If it were my choice alone I
If it were my choice alone I completely would voice my disgust for the whole situation and make sure she knocks off the b.s.
The issue with his mother though, although she is only in her mid 50's is that she not in that great of health and she has heart problems. She is a rediculously over sensitive woman (blows sh%t out of proportion all the time, takes things way too personally, etc) and will actually get "heart palpatations" if she thinks someone is upset with her or she's done something wrong.
As much as that's a convenient excuse for her to hide behind all the time, I can't really contest it with DH because he's afraid he'll give his mother a damn heart attack if he ever says anything to her, so i'm kind of stuck between a rock and a hard spot. Because it would be just my luck that I insist that I or he say something to his mother and that WILL be the time she ends up having a heart attack! :jawdrop:
Haha, ohhhh she does milk it
Haha, ohhhh she does milk it and everyone knows it. But, everyone walks on eggshells cuz no one wants to be "that person" ya know?
Actually, no it's not too late to claim that, I think that is the answer to all of our issues here! Let's just all claim that we are too heart sensitive to handle any b.s., critisism, stress etc . The answer was sitting infront of me the whole time! }:)