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Married this past Saturday...

shesmyheart's picture

but I'm already feeling "buyer's remorse" and I'm hoping to get over it soon.

First was the news that my MIL had invited my DH's ex-wife to Thanksgiving dinner. Back story:
My Dh's ex-wife is an odd one. I don't know if I should complain or not, being as to how she has always been nothing but nice to me - but she lacks all sense of boundaries and that can drive me insane. She recently went through a breakup with her boyfriend (the boyfriend, still being married with children, went back to his wife. Big surprise). This happens a few days before Halloween. She calls my DH, and asks to speak with me. I take the phone and she almost immediately starts bawling and going on and on about the breakup. She then says she doesn't know where to take SD5 for Halloween. She knows that the DH and I planned to go to his Dad and Step-mom's house that evening and so asks if I would mind if she hung out with us. I've never been one to be able to say no to anyone. So of course I told her I don't mind - it's not my house afterall. Long story short, she shows up minutes after we do and I spend the entire evening listening to her talk about her breakup. She ended up STAYING THE NIGHT there and did not leave their home till 3 the next day. This is not the first time she has done this to my in-laws either. And believe me, they would much rather not have her there.

So now it's Thanksgiving. This year is her year to have my SD5. While picking up SD5 from my DH's mother this past weekend after our wedding (THANK GOD I was able to prevent the ex wife from coming to my wedding because believe me, she would have come) she starts going on and on about how she doesn't have anywhere to go for Thanksgiving and she hates that SD5 probably won't have a good Thanksgiving because of it. She is estranged from her mother and I guess her dad lives several hours away - I don't know. So, somehow she manages to elicit an invite from my mother in law.

Then DH asks me if I have to work Friday and I don't. I was looking forward to sleeping in. I've never been one to shop on black Friday because I don't have the patience to deal with people. The DH has to work. At first I figure he is asking just to ask. Turns out, even though it is BM's night to have SD5, she want's us to keep her. Fine, except DH has to be at work Friday at 6 AM which means I will be the one to get up with SD5. And I hate to be like this, but I really just wanted to sleep in. I'm still exhausted from our wedding this past weekend and I so wanted to just have a moment to myself. DH says that he thinks that BM has something she has to do that is a previous obligation to a friend (because I specifically asked if she had to work, knowing she doesn't). Well, she's known all along about this obligation, right? So why is she waiting till the last minute to arrange for child care? Anyway, last night she calls so SD5 can tell her Dad goodnight and again she asks to speak with me. She congratulates us on the wedding, which was sweet, but then starts crying AGAIN about the ex. Then she tells me she plans to go OUT Thursday night - which is what I suspected all along. She wants to go out, and my DH has to work so I will be the one stuck on kid duty. It always seems to end up this way. I told DH that BM was in fact NOT doing anything charitable but instead wants to go out.
I could pitch a fit and DH would offer to take SD5 to work with him instead so I can sleep in but I would never allow that to happen and he knows it. DH works outdoors, very early, and it will be very cold in our area Friday morning. It's no place that he needs to drag our daughter to.
I just get annoyed, I suppose, because I have taken the steps to insure that I have never become pregnant because I KNOW that I am not ready to be a full time mother. Call me selfish, but at least I'm not out there dumping my kid on someone else because I had one before I was ready.

So here we are, and I'm not only faced with the idea of possibly having to spend my Thanksgiving Day listening to the BM cry about her boyfriend going back to his wife, but I am also losing out on my much looked forward to sleep. And I can almost promise we will have SD5 from Thursday till Sunday because now that BM is single again, she will resume her partying.

Comments

stepoff's picture

I COMPLETELY agree. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. Same with in-laws. BM should not be ingratiating herself on a holiday with the EX-in-laws. That's something that your DH needs to talk with BM about. If the in-laws are too nice to say no, it's time for DH to step up and let BM know what's appropriate and what's not.

Anon2009's picture

My parents are divorced, and they split holidays right down the middle. My mom got me for Thanksgiving morning and my dad got me at noon until 8. Same with Christmas. Sometimes for Thanksgiving, my mom and I would go out and get a bite. I loved those one-on-one times with her. Maybe your DH can suggest something along those lines to BM.

imagr8tma's picture

He needs to set some boundaries........... or it will only get worse.

********She doesn't have to love me or even like me - it doesn't change a dang thing..... So get over it and move on BM!************

shesmyheart's picture

What really gets me is that when they were together, all she (the BM) ever did was complain and put down my DH's family.

Unfortunately, these two families (my DH's mother and the BM's mother) have known each other for years and years. My MIL and the BM's mother are still best friends. I've learned to deal with that for the most part - the BM's mother has mental issues and often acts like an ass - but she's always completely kind and sweet to me. Her and her daughter are estranged most of the time.

In fact, I may end up not having to deal with the BM this Thanksgiving after all because she's found out her mother will be there.