Why you are the more desirable out of the relationship!
Disclaimer, this is going to piss of people with kids; please dont respond negatively because this is the bio-free section, and therefor a bio-free enviroment
In a relationship where there is a Bio-Free and then the kid shackled
You, Bio-free's are the MORE DESIRABLE person out of the 2!
I keep seeing stories where the bio-free is made to feel like shit, and downright undesirable, but why?
We have nothing holding us back, no extra duties besides ourselves, no extra expenses, no extra headaches, no extra EX'S for them to deal with, or the best of all the Ex's family!
I also notice that there is some sort of disillusion with parents where they have no idea or sense of this fact, and its almost like they think YOU owe them!?
If it were me, Id feel like I best make up for my other short comings of the relationship.....But I guess thats why I am Bio-free.......
So, what are your thoughts?
Have you awaken yet and started to see the situation clearly?
Im MGTOW for the most part, but can pretty much agree that this situation is the same fort both men and women.
Im beginning to think that majority of parents are narcissistic and oblivious to the normal give and take of a relationship.......
Several years ago I was a
Several years ago I was a member of a college alumni association that had a singles club for members my age (40+). I remember one guy telling me that I would "do well" since I had no children.
So yes - potential partners with no children are much more desirable in general. Just as people who have a job are more desirable. Not being bankrupt and in debt makes one more desirable. Lots of things are positive.
That's right, if you are
That's right, if you are being abused or mistreated it is all your fault. None of this is the men's fault. It is the women's fault for not "turning the tables" on them.
Well, let me spell out "Queen
Well, let me spell out "Queen Bee syndrome" for you. I'm sure you are fully aware of that term. It's a phenomenon among women who reach the top of their professions and are regarded as more sexist than even their most ruthless male counterparts. Practice saying it in front of a mirror.
My DH was quite happy when me
My DH was quite happy when me met that I didn't have children. His ex had three children, and according to my DH she thought she knew everything about parenting, and was critical of how he raised his kids. He assumed since I didn't have children I wouldn't have an attitude like that. He assumed I was a pushover and would be 'in awe' of what a great father he was and how wonderful to have kids and that I would fall over backwards to be a part of that
Many years later, he's realized my attitude is really no different than his ex's when it comes to his kids, he as a parent, and how I feel about being a part of that
In the end it didn't matter one bit whether he was with a woman who has kids, or one that didn't, we both apparently have the exact same attitude today - his eldest daughter is a nightmare and the farther away from her you can stay the better, DH is so worried about pissing his kids off and them walking out of his life that his wife pays the price every day, and his wife really does think his parenting style is in need of some improving!!
My Dh thought the same. His
My Dh thought the same. His kids aren't necessarily a "nightmare" but he thought I would just be in awe of his great fathertude and be as invested as he is.
He can't understand why I don't want to have the kids 5 nights a week some weeks and still continue to pay full cs. Actually said that since I had an absentee father I had to just be being jealous. Yeah whatever.
Desireability is more a
Desireability is more a factor of character than of spawning status IMHO.
I have no BKs. My bride of 21+ years has one BK(SS-23). I would say in the early years of our marriage that we were roughly equal on the desirability scale but now, I am 51 and she is 40, she far out scores me on that scale. She is a graduate degreed ripping HOT, wickedly smart professional and though I an the primary earner and also a graduate degreed professional my HOT factor has waned over the past 5-10 years of our marriage. I now have a legal son (I adopted SS in April of this year at his request) but have never spawned.
I think you are missing the critical elements of an equity life partnership in your original post. An equity life partnership is not made up of two separate lives that blend only for the sexual benefits of a relationship. An equity life partnership, one of complete all in commitment, is an all in commitment. Equity parent status to both adults in the relationship regardless of the biology of any children in the picture, equity financial and authority status regardless of the individual income of each partner, etc......
Anything less is a recipe for instability and a future end to the relationship in advance of the "till death do us part" clause in the vows/contract.
IMHO of course.
Well said Rags!
Well said Rags!
Hmmm, I see me message wasnt
Hmmm, I see me message wasnt received well.......Guess this is the wrong forum for this type of topic.
Just wondering........how many of you that responded, have kids of your own?
I have none and can honestly
I have none and can honestly 100% say if my marriage fails or I am widowed I will never date a man with kids again. It is simply not worth it. I feel I have made a huge mistake but am very much in love and want to see my commitment through. I am lucky to not have so many of the issues that a lot of the women have on here though.
No worries. A short
No worries. A short post/comment can't possibly communicate all of the nuances of a sitaution. Just take care of you. As for the feedback from this or any other community ... take the things that you need from the discourse and filter out the stuff you don't.
Doglady, sorry I wasnt
Doglady, sorry I wasnt referring to you.
Actually, now that I re-read the responses I see it was received quite nice.
The site does something funny with my browser so it makes it goofy sometimes.
I agree with you.....If prior knowledge of the events we go through would have been given to us.........we wouldnt be here..
I think you have to keep
I think you have to keep reminding the parent of the whole give and take thing. Their relationship with their kids is the most powerful bond known to (wo)man. Sometimes they might let their instincts get in the way of courtesy or giving to the non-bio partner when their life is spent giving, giving, giving, giving to their children. I totally get it.
They are all "gived out", emotionally, physically. I'm obviously talking about parents with younger kids who still live with them.
So I suppose that realisation inevitably leads to the question of why one would get involved with a single parent in the first place.
How mysterious life is in that respect! I still can't explain that one. But as others have said, I know for certain if this relationship went tits up I would not be interested in dating a single mum again UNLESS she was older and her kids (ideally one) had left home and showed signs of being truly independent.
But then I also face the problem of dating a woman who hasn't had kids and desperately wants them by the time she's 30-35. Again, this will cause problems.
I'm surprised to see a MGTOW on here. I find the whole philosophy (is that what it is?) intriguing, and it resonated with me as someone who is very individualistic. However, I draw the line quite a bit further forward than most MGTOW's. I rule out marriage and sharing finances. I'm not even that keen on buying a house with my partner. Renting offers more slack. But I'm not averse to being in a long term, live-in relationship with a woman.
But I can't deny that I'm in a rather complicated situation in spite of the above conditions. And it's all because of the fact I don't share the same genes as the children with whom I live.