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YSD wants to come to our house for 2 weeks.

20YearsAsAStep-Mom's picture

YSD has not been an active part of DH and my life in over 25 years we have been together. She has also played the exclusion game with her older sister but basically is in the background.

She had been to our summer home twice in 25 years (this home is now sold / gone). The first time was for 5 days when our BS was a toddler. She took over everything, overstepped boundaries and even if I mentioned something to her gently she just ignored me.

We now only have our principle residence in a resort type area.

She is a typical failure to launch. Never had a full-time job, never kept a part-time job longer than 6 months. On government assistance and now has a 2 year old. Her BF (baby daddy) is an alcoholic and she doesn't have the balls to kick him out. She needs him gone.

Instead of doing what is right for her and her baby she wants to run away for a "few" weeks to our house. I don't feel comfortable having more drama in my home and our teen son is more than a handful right now. I feel like our home is dysfunctional enough without throwing YSD and her baby into the mix. She is basically a stranger to me and I am stressing out just imagining her here.

I am having a really hard time explaining to DH that this is not a good idea and maybe she should go stay with OSD who has a nice big house with a pool etc. Then she could get away from her life for a bit but still be in the same city. We are over 2 hours away and somewhat isolated. There is NOTHING here for her except to lurk around the house.

Just not sure where to go from here. I am only working part-time now so not bringing in much money - I used to have a great job making more than DH but was laid off in the fall. I feel vulnerable, angry and trapped now. Please help.

oneoffour's picture

OK, try this.
"Honey, I know YSD wants to come here for a few weeks to get away from things. But she really needs to be with her sister. She is the only one who YSD will listen to and they have so many shared experiences. And with any luck she will give YSD the confidence to make some good changes to her life. Honestly, YSD and I are not close at all and it will be awkward having her here for a few weeks while BS is being so teenager-y. We can always take her out to dinner or spoil her with a shopping trip somewhere. That would be fun. Buying GS new clothes and a few toys he can take home. Buying YSD a nice outfit or 2 so she can look into getting a job to help get her out of her situation. That would be so much better than having her stay here when she and I have nothing in common except you and you will be at work."