"We" vs "I"
Reading here, I know this is not uncommon, but it bugs me; although I am disengaged from SD56 and SGD31 (mother/daughter). Being disengaged from these two women, I've always been civil and never had words with anyone in DH's family and have for 36 years been included in any gift giving by DH. I keep my disengagement separate from DH's family members, that treat me well. Any gift giving to anyone that I do, DH is always included; especially my family. DH does all the gift giving to his family.
SGD31 sent a thank you note addressed to "Grandpa (DH)" only. SGD31 lives in a neighboring State and mailed it to DH. This didn't surprise me, due to the fact that SD56 and SGD31 are furious, because I have taken myself away from their drama. The envelope and note was hand written in SGD31's hand writing, suppose to be from SGGD13, another phony move.
DH and I had given $$$ to SGGD13, who is on a softball team; they were recruiting donations for new uniforms, last Fall (9 months ago). Included in the Thank You card were pictures, which I updated existing frames that are displayed.
This was a passive aggressive move on SGD31's part and I know the game she is playing, therefore, no response to her from me. She even wrote in the noted "Miss you so much Grandpa"; because SGD and SD think I am the cause DH never spends time with them. Now if you've read my previous posts, you know any contact with these women is on DH and them, I'm out of the picture and have been for 7 years. I have never told DH who he can visit and who to associate with, thus he is also considerate with my family and friends.
Bottom line, after receiving the Thank You card, I had a talk with DH. I told him I am tired of these head games continuing and I want him to set one thing straight; which DH has not done in 15 years, since SD moved here. I ask DH to use the word "We" instead of "I" from now on, concerning any Skids or Sgrandkids. I don't have to be called "Grandma" or be included in any family gatherings, that I don't want to attend. All I ask is that DH treat me like his spouse and show SD and SGD that DH and I are a team; especially when it comes to giving donations to the Gkids. He agreed that he would be more mindful.
I do not believe I'm being too snarky about the words "We" and "I". I noted to DH that never have I used the word "I" to my family or friends, when referring to us. I've always included DH and I always use the word "We", especially to DH's family and kids. DH has always been included in my conversations and actions.
I know this is the bottom root of our problems in the past year; SD and SGD are trying to single DH out away from me. I told DH as much and he seems to understand; we'll see how he handles it from here.
I read here and believe that disengagement can be civil and that a couple should be recognized as a couple. There is nothing to gain by these women, SD56 and SGD31 playing these games; except to be rude to me, I understand that part.