We just went through this. I paid for my kids DD20 & DS21, and he paid for his SD13. Our finances are separate, so that makes it easier, but as a rule he pays anything to do with his kid, and I pay for mine. Even if I take a trip w/o DH and invite one of his kids along, he still pays for her travel and expenses. Once my kids are out of college and working, I would expect them to pay for themselves.

You're probably going to get a lot of variation in opinions on this one. I don't have any adult skids, and DH and I have combined finances so I'm not sure what my opinion is on it.

However, my parents stopped paying for my portion of trips when I turned 18.

I think it is quite fair for you and DH to pay the lodging bill and ask the skids to cover their other expenses. It might be a nice gesture to cover their meal once for a nice family dinner or something. But lodging is one of the most expensive parts of a vacation so I think that is very fair to just cover that.

EDIT: I only say that it would be nice to cover a meal because prices at restaurants can vary considerably, and the restaurant you and DH would like to go to may not be affordable for skids. So try to help accommodate their budget when choosing restaurants or offer to help pay if you are picky about where you go.

I don't understand paying for adult kids to go on vacation.

I agree with paying for 18 year olds if still in high school, but my parents, my own parents!, did not pay for any of my vacations once I was in college.

They helped me visit home on holidays but otherwise, what the heck!?
My parents have several times wanted to go on a "family cruise" or something like that in which they have offered to cover airfare (but the cruise itself has always been too expensive or not what we want to do to go on) but all other expenses were our responsibility.

Generally, the vacations we have taken have been to places we own. Obviously when they were younger, it would be assumed that "parents" pay for the kids. (this would depend on whether people have shared finances how that would work out).

The more akward situation comes in when the kids get older though. For example, this past winter/spring, my DH's 18 YO came on two trips with us to our vacation place in FL. The first time she brought a friend and the 2nd time it was her BF. We paid for pretty much the core things on the trip. Now, we did exact a little bit of manual labor out of everyone so it's not like they contributed "nothing", but I did get a little irritated that BOTH of the guests seemed to have very little money with them and the expectation was that WE paid their way everywhere.. food, excursions etc. They had their own souvenir money, but that was about it. No one offered to buy a tank of gas for the 800 plus mile each way trip in the suburban. No one offered to even pay for their own fast food snacks on the breaks. Now my SD was waiting for her job to start in the spring, so we knew she didn't have a lot of money.. but I was sort of floored that the parents of the two other kids didn't think it would have been appropriate to send them on the trip with some money with instructions to buy their hosts a meal or offer to buy a tank of gas.

Next trip we take with others, we will be setting different expectations up front.

Adult step kids should pay their own way. Parents paying for the lodging is enough. They will have a place to stay on the vacay and that's generous. They should figure out everything else.

When I turned 18, our yearly family vacation dynamic changed. I would bring my friends and they paid their way as I did as well. We drove ourselves to the destination, paid our own gas and everything else. Contributed on the food and cooking and I paid for all my own activities. I had no problem doing this.

Before you invite everyone you must decide what the intent it of this vacation.

IS it just to say "HEY we are taking minor kids 1,2 to xyz and IF you want to go along I will give you the hotel number to make your reservations And I will give you the ticket telephone number too. Dad and I figured we would pay for a really nice dinner and show as our treat. Transportation, Hotels and Disney passes are your responsibility.

Adult kids ask mom and dad-ARENT YOU PAYING for us, your paying for midget one and two. You must pay for USSSSSSS....

YOU-What ever gave you that idea

------
OR-HEY everyone Dad and I have decided to pay for everyone to fly and stay at Port Orleans in WDW. The dates are such and such. We will pay for everyone's, flights, hotel rooms (4 persons per room) and Disney Tickets. YOU will pay for own food, drinks, Mouse ears etc..YOU must pay for your own TRIP cancelation insurance and that is a must or I will not confirm you.

There is not right or wrong. It just depends on your budget and intent. So figure that out first and if they must pay their way, and they want to go, they will take this year to save up.

HAVE FUN.
One more thing, your not cheap if you do not pay for everyone.

What is your financial situation? Can your husband afford to pay for his kids without your help?

We do family vacations and we pay for most everything.

I really enjoy it. I like having everyone around and we really bond. Like Mustage we do tons of fun stuff, including games or movies at night. No always things that cost money. (No dolphin swims though, I have a huge problem with that!)

All the kids are great though, they are respectful and helpful. They will cook and clean up and fetch me and DH drinks.
We've had some amazing conversations about life, marriage, futures, the past, it's been insightful.

They have their own spending money and if they want to do an activity that hasn't been planned it's on them.

They also don't expect it. We've been talking about going somewhere next year and the problem is finding a time when everyone can get away. There's school and work and the budget but I love to plan vacations so we'll figure it out.

I think it also depends on how frequently you all intend to go on vacation. If this is going to be a regular occurrence (as in yearly), then it's fair to come up with a reasonable amount you expect the adult skids to chip in. If it's once in a blue moon, it probably doesn't hurt to treat them if you can afford it.

I rarely went on vacation with my family. When I was 20, my parents paid for all of us (my parents, myself, my brothers, and both of their wives) to travel to their home country for 2-3 weeks. This was the only time we went anywhere together as adults, so my father was proud to pay for it.

Similarly, my in-laws paid for DH and I, SIL, her then husband, and her two kids, and them to go to Bermuda to celebrate their 50th anniversary. We paid for ourselves up-front, but FIL gave us a check to cover our expenses. DH and I gave them lower numbers because we really didn't want them to pay for us, but they insisted.

We went to visit MIL and FIL in Florida this past winter, we paid our own way and didn't ask for a penny. We tried to pay for any meals out, and it's up to MIL and FIL if they decide to accept our offers. SIL visits them every year with her kids, but she does have her parents pay for their plane tickets and anything extra she can get from them. SIL is over 50, so I don't think it's fair to still expect money from your parents, but that's her.

When we went to Florida this past winter, I invited SD24. I don't expect SD to be joining us on other vacations, so I didn't mind paying for her. She only had to pay for her own souvenirs and little things she needed that I didn't have (like spray sunscreen).

DH and I had to have a talk about this subject when we married as his 3 adult children were use to DH paying for everything. He also was a widower and him paying for everything came about after his LW died. Once we were married this changed. IMO if an adult child is working full time then they pay for themselves, airfares, accommodation , food , activities , the whole lot. We may pay for the odd family dinner on a vacation but that's where the buck stops. So what we do is advise the adult children of our plans via email, basically something along the lines of "We plan to spend Xmas this year at such and such a place, (usually a realtives if we are going out of town), flights and accommodation will cost $ per person and each person is to put $ into a food kitty, a contribution for the period)". They can then decide if they want and can afford to come, up to them. We have sometimes offered to pay for one of the expenses as a Xmas present for each of them, say the airfares or accommodation, but we certainly do not pay everything and what we do pay becomes their Xmas or Birthday present.

Biological parent pays for their own kids no matter what age. Personally they should be paying themselves, but likely will expect their dad to pay for them. You should only pay for you and your child. Period.

At those ages if I am inviting them to join me on vacations I am paying.

I think the trouble is expectations.

When we were young adults we didn't expect our parents to pay for meals/holiday ect, we paid for what we could afford or we didn't go.

Now these young adult expect everything to be paid for as that is how they have been bought up.

I'd would split the holiday you pay for you and your dc and your dh pays for him and however many of his children are going.

Right now, DH and I will pay for SD18 to go on a trip with us (transportation, hotel, admissions, most meals). Any personal expenses (Souvenirs, extra snacks, tickets beyond admission prices) are on her. But, this is true for all the kids, even minors (all teens). In a few years, when the kids are all adults, we don't anticipate taking any of them on trips, or will have them contribute more if they do come. We also have several weekend trips planned that SD18 won't be able to join because of her work schedule. We explained to her that it's all part of becoming an adult.

Both DH and I grew up where our parents included us as adults on family trips until all siblings were adults. His mom still will invite her "kids" and their children on trips (usually just one family at a time, not all of them) and pay the major expenses. My parents are the same way, except I usually pay most of my expenses (except meals, since they are offended if I try to split or cover the bill). Two of my siblings (40s and 50s) still let my parents pick up the entire tab when they vacation together,

We rent a place that's big enough to accomodate bio and step kids. If SD shows up, fine. If not, more room for us.

But if we were to do something like a cruise, SD would have to pay her own ticket.