OT - Mini-Wife, Electra Syndrome/Bernfield Factor, etc.
I'm not sure what to call it... but I have a full-blown case of it. It doesn't seem to fit nice and tidy in either of the terms, but there are several manifestations of each. This has recently become a topic of debate between Dh and I, all over his DD16. I've only been in the picture for the last 5 years and this has been going on since then, she is extremely possessive of her daddy, and at 16 still uses baby-talk and calls him "daddy".
In one moment she is acting like his little princess all smiles and giggles, the next moment she is telling him what to do as if she were his wife (or his mother). But lets not forget to mention other moments where she is flirtatious and physically clingy, putting her hands on him or trying to full-body hug him or rub his back - to which he immediately pulls away and tells her to stop. She will stop for the moment but always tries again at a later time - to which she gets the very same response of him pulling away and telling her to stop.
We have talked about the inappropriateness of it and he does see some of what is pointed out, but other behaviors are excused or (I think) he is just hoping to ignore it and it will go away. I know that he has told her to not touch him that way and I have heard him tell her to 'never say that again' when she has said something sexual - but she isn't stopping, she almost seems to ramp it up a level.
I feel like I am in constant competition with this child, I am competing to be recognized as his wife and partner AND to be THE woman of the house. I have come home many times and she has completely rearranged all the furniture and the kitchen too - then I move it back and tell her to leave it alone. She totally ignores me unless 'daddy' is around and then she becomes my biggest fan complete with the fake 'love you' and pretentious kiss on the cheek. It makes me cringe, like nails on a chalkboard.
Have any of you encountered this and what did you do about it? I feel so passive-aggressive about it - I know if I say anything to her about it then I will be the mean and jealous step-monster, but if I don't address it, this may continue indefinitely. And if she is this attached to daddy, she may NEVER move out.