Two Days and Counting...
So I was about to post that I was excited that my SS will be leaving my place on Saturday. My DH emailed me a few mins ago asking if his son could stay until Monday (to try and see his kids and to have one more day of an easy commute). I told him no and prefer to leave it as Saturday move-out day. If I bend for Monday, whose to say they won't come back and ask for another day or so? I understand his son doesn't want to move two hours away (to stay with his mom) but he had plenty of time to prepare and change it. He never took the opportunity to save money or even look for a place. He didn't want to stay with his mother because of the distance but that's not my problem. I find it funny in some ways my DH even had the audacity to ask that question. He knows how much grief and frustration this whole situation has caused me. Why would I want to extend my pain? I already did a lot for his son and don't feel he appreciated any of it. My husband is an enabler and I refuse to treat a 25 yo like a child. He has to grow up sometime and if not now, when? So as I was saying, I'm soooooooooooo excited that grown adult will be moving out on Saturday. And I plan to have a glass of wine or three to celebrate!!!
Hope the next two days fly
Hope the next two days fly for you! You've done great at setting your boundaries and sticking to your plan for getting SS out. Good try (or maybe not!) on DH's part, but he does seem to be listening and I really hope you enjoy those well earned glasses of wine!
Good on you for standing your
Good on you for standing your ground! I also think allowing him to stay until Monday would be a mistake.
I was going to say that I am
I was going to say that I am shocked that your husband asked such an asinine question, but I am actually not surprised. They really do think that you will just keep lying down, don't they?
He has stayed through way too many Mondays, as it is.
OMG, seriously? So he can
OMG, seriously? So he can have "one more day of an easy commute"? Poor Precious baby.
Why isn't your husband annoyed by his grown-ass son sleeping on the living room floor? I don't get these men.
I'm dumbfounded that someone
I'm dumbfounded that someone would tackle a 2 hour commute rather than save some money and get a cheap place nearby. Good for you for sticking to the agreed upon date. You can spend a couple days deciding on the most appropriate wine for a HUGE celebration.
It took me 2 hours on public transport to go to uni.
every bus or train ride was study time. Aint nobody bitch about that. Its the sacrifice you make
but pampered entitled skids do not understand the concept of sacrifice
Lets hope hubby doesn’t spend the next day or 2
Asking if ss can stay another few days. Your answer will be a firm “NOOOOOOOOOOOOO”, repeat everytime and when he sulks saying you are mean or out of line, repeat he is out of line trying to coax and bully you into submission when it was made very clear the terms that he agreed to
Thanks everyone
Now my DH is whining that his son is mad at him for “putting him out.” Now that pissed me off because his son was staying here rent free. He barely bought food and used toothpaste, soap, toilet paper and rarely replaced them. Yet he has the audacity to be mad he’s been told to leave. I want to scream at him so bad. You ungrateful a-hole!! Yes, your time is up and that’s exactly why you can’t stay one day longer. His dad might feel sorry for him but I don’t. I see through his BS.
Stay strong!!
"His dad might feel sorry for him but I don’t." The first stage of manipulation is pity. Stand firm on this. SS had plenty of notice and ignored you. To bad, so sad, you're out!
OMG, what does your DH have
OMG, what does your DH have where his balls are supposed to be? He can't stand his grown son being upset with him because he won't let him live rent-free in your tiny apartment at age 25, when he's more than capable of working full-time and living on his own?
Well, he will have to decide who he'd like to be angry at him, you or his son. I'd have a bag backed and ready to leave myself in the even that the kid doesn't go.
Your husband needs to put his
Your husband needs to put his son in his place. He is a grown man, with a job and with children of his own, mooching off of you and his father. Why would your husband think that that is okay? That his son would have ANY right to be mad at anybody?
'Course you could always aim
'Course you could always aim for a low shot ... "DH, by enabling him to stay here, you have been depriving his children of their father. Do you really want to be responsible for that? By being so selfish and wanting to keep your son here for so long you have been keeping him from his children!"
Avoidance of accountability
Avoidance of accountability should not be tolerated. You are not tolerating it from your SS. He takes exception to that.
Hopefully daddy can take your lead and hold his son accountable rather than falling for the gaslighing manipulation by the Skid.
Good luck.
Deal is a deal
He was to be moved out by the 23. You would think he would be out by the 20 Not asking for extra time. Don’t back down. Saturday is a great day, Friday is even better.
Hi Harry
My hope was he would have moved sooner than launch date but somehow I knew he would wait until the last minute. Both he and his father act as though he's a child and somehow I'm wrong because I don't want him there anymore. How dare me want my apartment back!! I'm such a terrible SM!!!!!
Money
If you have joint finances separate them as soon as possible. DH is acting like a man turning into an ATM. And, as others have suggested, please stand your ground. I like Winterglow's approach: Fight guilt with guilt.
And here we go...
My DH just called me and asked how did I think things were going to be between him and his son when he told him to get out. At this point DH can go with him. The last thing I feel like doing is arguing over a 25 yo loser. If their relationship is damaged because he was told he had to leave, oh well. But now you want to pick a fight with me because your "little boy" was told he couldn't mooch off us any longer. It makes me look at my DH in a whole new light.
I hope you said, "and how do
I hope you said, "and how do you think they will be between ME and YOU, if he DOESN'T move out?!"
He must have thought you would back down or something - yes, time to suggest he go find a place with his son. He needs to make a choice.
Stand firm!!!
What will happen if you give SS another departure date? SS would not have saved up and DH would be trying to make you feel guilty. What's the difference between leaving now and later? Absolutely nothing! Stand your ground on this. "No" is a complete sentence.
How does he think things will
How does he think things will be between him and YOU if his son DOESN'T get out?
His user loser son has had PLENTY of time to get a place of his own. I can't even imagine wanting to stay with my dad and his wife, in a tiny apartment, using all of their stuff, not helping out financially or otherwise. Has he no shame? No common courtesy? No consideration? He's not even taking care of his own family.
Time to let baby bird fly.
What's with the girlfriend? Does she work? Does she just plan on mooching off of HER parents forever? Why are the two of them not getting their own place? Was this their plan all along, just live off of whatever parent they can?
Reminds me of my SD and her husband (at the time). "Let's just spend our money however we want, don't pay rent, and when we get evicted, we'll just live with family for free." Haha, not THIS family. They didn't like the rules at BM's so asked to "stay" with DH and I (and they have two kids). That was an ABSOLUTELY NOT. Turns out, what they said would be a "few weeks", was about 6 months before they got another place of their own.
Sorry to ramble, this is just such a sore subject for step parents and actually, the reason I found this site. I felt a bit guilty for saying no, and I ended up here. My DH did agree with me, even though he loves his daughter and wanted to help, he knew that it would not be a good situation, all the way around. And, they were entirely at fault for their situation (and not for the first time).
Stand strong. You deserve to be comfortable in your own home and not having somebody mooching off of you. You also deserve for your husband to understand this.
Thank you
It almost feels like he's wanting to put his son's feelings above mine. I don't think his son cares that I'm inconvenienced. As long as he gets what he wants. His gf has a part-time job. They were suppose to be looking for a place but it doesn't feel that way. When my DH offered to take him to look at places, his son said he was going to spend time with his family so moving was never a priority for him. I told my DH it was never the plan to have his son stay with us for some undetermined amount of time. I knew in spite of my husband asking "do you think he's comfortable sleeping on the floor?" I knew the answer was yes, he was. And the fact that he would rather continue to do so rather than live with his mother, have his own bedroom and a bed says it all.
He DOES want to put his son's
He DOES want to put his son's feelings ahead of yours. And that's completely wrong.
And that’s the saddest thing
And that’s the saddest thing about all of this—how you see your DH is forever changed.
I love my DH but it’s not the same after he betrayed me.
"How do you think
"How do you think things will be between me and my son when I tell him he needs to leave at age 25?"
"Uhm...perfectly natural and normal?"
Isn't this idiot already a parent himself? Yet both he and your DH thinks it is OK for him to be sleeping on daddy's living room floor instead of being with and supporting his own family? I respectfully suggest that both of them need to get their testosterone levels checked.