Problems in relationship with DH
Before my SS moved in with us, DH and I were having major problems in the marriage and we still are. Little did I realize it would push our marriage to the limit where I've been thinking about divorce. We talk about his son everyday. My DH said today that he's tired of talking about his son everyday especially since he's moving out the Feb 23. My DH doesn't want to follow-up and ask if he's been looking. He says it doesn't matter because he's gone the 23rd. He said he gets that I want him out so we don't have to talk about it anymore. He said when he told his son he had to move, his son said he knows it wasn't him that wanted that because he hears us arguing. Ok, if you've heard us arguing and you know I don't want you here, why the hell do you want to stay?? Right now my husband feels like he can't win with either of us and both relationships are strained. I honestly don't care if his son is upset with me because I did a lot for him and he shows me just how little its appreciated everday. When we've had arguments before, my DH has threatened to leave with his son. I find it amazing that this man would move out because God forbid, I'm tired of his son sleeping on our living room floor. Last night I had to step out of our apartment to call my dad because my DH was watching tv in the bedroom and my SS was in the living room. That's how small our place is. I feel a lot of animosity towards my DH and I knew this would happen. I didn't sign up for a 25 year to live with us indefinitely.
He "can't win with both of
He "can't win with both of you."
No, he can't. He's choosing to be in the middle, where he doesn't need to be. His son is a fully functioning, capable adult who does not need to be crashing on his living room floor. So he should be choosing to win with YOU, his wife.
I do agree that there is no need to talk about it every day if there is a plan. Just be prepared to walk and/or kick DH out if the freeloader isn't gone on the 23rd.
And he should be encouraging
And he should be encouraging his son to find a place where he can be with his OWN children. He's got it way too good. When he's at daddy's he can forget that he has responsibilities of his own. I sure as hell hope he's contributing to the upkeep and maintenance of his children.
Supposedly he is. But he hasn
Supposedly he is. But he hasn't even been saving money to move so I don't know. My DH is a little too hands off for me. I wish I could go home and neither of them would be there.
"Just be prepared to walk and
"Just be prepared to walk and/or kick DH out if the freeloader isn't gone on the 23rd."
I'm prepared. His son is the nail in the coffin.
"DH has threatened to leave
"DH has threatened to leave with his son."
Okay honey, let me help you pack your bags.
Oh he's threatened to "leave
Oh he's threatened to "leave with his son" ???? absolutely fine then, just do it. Don't dare threaten me any more.
I am really sorry that you
I am really sorry that you are going through this. My DH and I agreed a long time ago that no other adult lives with us, it is very hard on a relationship, even in the best of times.
If you were already having marital issues, your husband should have told his son, "NO", to begin with. But, maybe that's why he let him move in... avoidance.
Now, he's threatening to leave with his son, so, how much does he really want to work on this marriage? He's more concerned about enabling his grown ass son than he is concerned with his wife and his marriage. I'd be sick of him, too.
I'm carrying most of the load financially.
This ^^^ is another reason that your husband should have told his son no. Inconsiderate of him to expect you to pay for HIS son to live with you.
DH has threatened to leave.
DH has threatened to leave.
You're carrying most of the load financially.
Well then LEAVE, DH, and take your freeloader son with you. Your 'D'H is being a complete asshat.
If SS is still there at noon on the 23rd, I'd tell them both to get out because their almost-free ride is OVER.
Tell DH do not let the door
Tell DH do not let the door hit you in the arse and let me help you BOTH pack your bags. He can be enmeshed with his son, but not in your house too.
Call him on his threats and, no wonder the son is rude to you, your DH is demonstrating even nasiter behavior by threatening you and arguing with you---in front of his rude son.
Call him on his threat......it may help your relationship long term.....
^^^THIS!!^^^
Please take Canyon's advice. I can tell you from experience if you allow DH to threaten to leave without calling him on it he will threaten to leave at the drop of a hat. My DH did this for years before I finally told him, "Fine, I will buy you out and don't let the door hit you on the a$$ on your way out." He now knows if he makes that threat I will definitely take him up on it.
Mark the calendar
on February 23 nine days from now, either SS moved out by himself, or DH and SS move out together. He was warned, he knows he has to go. Don’t know where, big question, Who has a empty couch ????