Thank God that's over!
Wow. Who would have ever imagined holidays could be so convoluted? For weeks I have been agonizing over the Christmas festivities and thought I had arranged things with my SO and bio-family so that I could spend the least amount of time around the SKIDS. My SO had repeatedly asked the older SS's and SD (19&22&21) to find out what their BM was arranging and they repeatedly said that no plans with her had been made. The SS's parked their butts on our couch the evening of 12/ 23 and essentially, didn't move from this spot (other than to eat our food) until lo and behold, their BM showed up unexpectedly on Christmas Eve, parked her car in front of our home and enticed the SS's to go the casino with her. Oh, the arrogance. I have no issues whatsoever with her seeing her kids on Christmas Eve but I do have a problem with how she went about it. This is typical behaviour for this psycho. I returned from a pleasant evening with my own family and though I was happy to see the SO's extended family, I was less than pleased to be "non-greeted" by the SD. Was I surprised? Hardly. I haven't seen this woman for months and have been disengaged from her for a while now. With the other SS's MIA, we proceed to open our gifts. Nothing from any of the SKIDS of course, which was completely fine with me. I haven't purchased gifts for any of them for at least 3 years now. What bothered me is that not a one of these ungrateful adults gave their father a thing. These are the same entitled adults who have REPEATEDLY called him asking for help with their cars (they can't afford to get their vehicles fixed on their own so they call dearest daddy each and every time), they can't afford car insurance so dad forks over cash for that, they can't even buy their own gas! Yes, friends, the oldest son had the gall to "mention" he was surprisingly out of gas on Christmas Day and just didn't know how he was going to get home. Sniffle. Dad actually said no to the money request and instead, made him get the lawn mower gas can and take a gallon from there. Lol. In addition, SO and I made a huge, delicious breakfast for everyone the next morning on Christmas Day. The SS22 sat at the table, scarfed down most of the food, burped and walked away. Not a thank you, not an offer to help clean up. The SS19 graced us with his presence an hour later, never said even a simple good morning, scarfed down what was left, walked away and they took off to see his GF without even a good bye. I felt so bad for my SO. What ungrateful people these kids are and I think he's finally getting it. They were each given a beautiful Christmas card from their father with touching words of love and encouragement in them. Every one of the cards was left on the floor after they had left. They couldn't even be bothered to take them with. In any case, the whole experience was just so disgusting. SS19 needs to move out and he needs to do it ASAP. I think SO is finally seeing the light. Let's hope so.
StepAside, I agree. It is sad
StepAside, I agree. It is sad that they need to be tarnished in this way. I am seriously contemplating going on a vacation next year with the SO. I have a 7YO son from a previous marriage and my mother is getting up there in age (so there are fewer Christmas's remaining for my family) so it won't be an easy thing to manuever but I think it can, and should, be arranged! These SKIDS don't do temper tantrums anymore (actually is was only the SD that did), instead they simply don't talk. They just drift through the house, eating, sleeping, making messes, texting, watching TV. They have all the energy of a comotose patient. For someone with lots of energy, someone who enjoys engaging with people, time around these people is not time I look forward to. Feel free to use my newest terminology! If the word fits, use it
My MIL took the parenting
My MIL took the parenting role for us. Every Holiday at her beckon call. I've also felt a responsibility to make sure my son sees his siblings. No more. I'll let them figure it out.
It's been much easier to disengage by just not going somewhere. I would not want to disengage in my own home.
The boy's behavior is bad. Unfortunately, I think a lot of young men act like this at this age. My nephews certainly did. I think DH needs to set simple requirements that will help ease the resentment. Warn him that if he doesn't set boundaries, you will likely end up never doing it again. E.g. no burping, each person take 2 tasks from a basket at the end of the meal to help with clean up... cook doesn't clean up (okay, I still do but wouldn't if I was doing it for ingrates), get SM and DH at least a token gift or card. At this age spelling it out is acceptable IMO. I also think it really helps males esp to spell it out. Then when they don't do it, everyone knows it and that specific thing can be addressed.
My DH had the guilty dad thing and has been hurt by his son not giving him gifts. Sadly, if he said something even once, ss would probably never skimp on a gift or card again. He's not a malicious person. With this age group and with males, it's good to analyze what irks you and then specifically address it by requesting specific actions.
Yuck, you have my sympathies.
Yuck, you have my sympathies. Neither scenario is pleasant but thankfully, this only happens once per year. I guess I can live with that! Curious, how does your DH feel about all this?