Six months to Christmas
Yesterday was six months to Christmas...how do I know? Because BM sent yet another message letting DH know that she felt it was "detrimental" to SSs if they couldn't spend Christmas Eve with her family.
At their last mediation, DH and BM agreed and signed an agreement stating that they would split holidays. One year, DH would have them for four days over New Years and the next year he would have them for four days over Christmas. This was the only thing DH got at the mediation. BM got more money (even though she "couldn't provide" income data for her partnership income and even though I believe she had her paychecks altered (she is a partner in a firm) to lower her income), she also reduced one SS's time with DH and got it in writing that she can contact SSs anytime she wants when they are with us.
This is the eighth email she has sent about this in the year since the mediation and we're still six months away from Christmas!
This is also the same woman who refuses to allow DH to switch weekends ever (even when he was unexpectedly hospitalized) and she proposed this as a "swap" without any proposal for how DH could make up that time.
I can't stand this woman!
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Comments
Blame your DH, he keeps
Blame your DH, he keeps giving in to her demands.
BM is a snake. Yout don't blame snakes for being snakes.
He's actually ignored 7 of
He's actually ignored 7 of her emails so far...he replied to the first saying he intended to follow the agreement and that was it.
I don't believe she should get a pass. She loves to tell him "our parenting plan is clear" when he requests a change, so she can take that same advice.
He gave in to her at
He gave in to her at mediation. Again. You were warned. It's on him.
She will never uphold her end of any bargain. Ever. Full stop.
In that case, his real
In that case, his real mistake was marrying her in the first place...not giving in at mediation.
No. He didn't have to give
No. He didn't have to give her what she wanted. Thinking this way is perpetuating this problem.
She will never uphold her end of any bargain.
Your BM is a twunt. Shut her down.
He just needs to respond that
He just needs to respond that she agreed to the alternating Christmas and New Years plan. Last year she had him for Christmas, so this year it is his turn. Go ahead and let her blow up now and just ignore it.
He's not going to reply to
He's not going to reply to this one. 1) He replied to the first of her many emails and said he intended to follow the agreement. 2) It's June, why are we making Christmas plans now?
Not communicating with her at
Not communicating with her at all right now is also probably violating the communication clause in their agreement. Almost every CO has one. So he should acknowledge her even if it is "I have already addressed this issue, please see my previous response".
As for making plans now- Do it. What harm comes from planning and having everyone on the same page? We usually buy SS's plane tickets for winter before the end of summer. My kids dad does the same. I realize that you probably aren't long distance but some people are planners and want to know what to expect. There is nothing wrong with that. I would take planning ex over a "deal with it later" ex any day of the week! I hate the unknown.
DH and BM didn't have one. He
DH and BM didn't have one. He ignored her the vast majority of the time. If they had such a clause, I'm sure BM would be threatening him over it.
Their only communication
Their only communication clause is that if there is a decision that needs to be made and the other parent doesn't reply in 72 hours, the parent who wanted to make the decision can do what they wanted, but I don't think that applies to custody time, because the parent with the custody time would have to agree to any changes. The non-custodial parent for the time can't unilaterally take it, as BM is proposing to do in this case.
I think that the plan is already clear
"As for making plans now- Do it. What harm comes from planning and having everyone on the same page?"
I think the plan is already clear in the agreement and the only planning BM should be making is to follow it to the letter!!
"Not communicating with her at all right now is also probably violating the communication clause in their agreement"
As far as answering her repeated request on the same issue, I disagree with you completely I think one answer per issue is sufficient and if she keeps asking the same thing after he has already told her, when he is following the agreement is Harassment. Just because there is a CO doesn't give her the right to repeatedly Harassment on the same issue!!!!
Have him her they can nullify
Offer to nullify the last mediation agreement IN IT'S ENTIRETY if she doesn't like it. And she can pay him back all the extra money she got, which was OVER guidelines. And subpeona her financials.
He's thought about telling
He's thought about telling her that they can go back to their old holiday schedule if they also go back to his old child support payment.
It is a sport to a lot of BMs
It is a sport to a lot of BMs to jerk their exes and their partners around as much as possible. NPD BM used to have it down to a fine art. Firm boundaries and a refusal to engage are usually the answer.
Agreed...this is all just one
Agreed...this is all just one big borderline game with her.
We will be complying with
the established custody agreement.
Rinse and repeat..rinse and repeat
Ignore the whore. Of course
Ignore the whore. Of course she had no intention of following that plan, and don't be surprised if she withholds the SSs until Christmas Day afternoon so she can get her way.
What she wants is a reaction and to stay connected to DH.
They are supposed to arrive
They are supposed to arrive at our home on December 23rd, so she'd have to withhold them for a whole day and a half.
So, if she tries that, your
So, if she tries that, your DH goes over there to fetch them ... with a copy of the CO (making sure the kids are aware that this was by a legal agreement between their parents and you don't get to mess with it). If that doesn't work, he goes back with same CO and a police escort (if possible).
You went to mediation
So stick to the letter of the agreement. If you give a inch Bzm will take a mile. It's up to your DH