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SS22 disengaged due to my horrible alienation brought on by extreme jealousy

freddycatmeow's picture

Ten years in the making, I'm the one who is wicked step mom and fully accept the title. Totally alienated SS22 since teenage years due to her dad (my husband) doting on her. Married when SS22 was 10, first few years were grand. As she advanced into teenage years, I expected SS22 to spend less time with Dad (so he and I can grow into a more loving and close couple)and more time with friends her age. Didn't happen, dad is BFF, and the they are inseparable which means I am a wallflower when she is around. They went on many vacations, dinners, concerts, movies without me. It caused great anguish, depression, deep deep pain. His family and many neighbors are very distant, unwelcoming, judgmental due to this situation.

SS22 ignores my heartfelt emails and letters to reconnect. Doesn't acknowledge gifts or any type of kindness I to give to her.

It's difficult to be around her with all my pent up feelings and pure embarrassment of how I treated her. She gives one word answers to my inquiries about her life. Basically "runs" the other way when I am in the same room.

Suggestions on how to reconcile? It's worth continual effort to remain a close family.

Jsmom's picture

Not worth trying after all this time...Sorry,I understand how you feel but it is not worth the anguish. These spoiled kids have no use for us and they never will. My SD15 is out of our house and our lives. It hurts that she wants nothing to do with me or DH, but I can not let it bother me forever. She is not worth the real estate in my head...

freddycatmeow's picture

Even though she IS part of your life, with future weddings, babies, grandkids, do you still want a distant relationship?

I fear not being able to enjoy these life moments with her.

Disneyfan's picture

You've done all you can do.

Maybe one day she will come around, maybe not. It all depends on how bad she was hurt and if she's able to get over it.

alwaysanxious's picture

After all of that, why would you want to put in any more effort? She and daddy already have their relationship set.

caregiver1127's picture

Seriously if my DH went on all those things with his child alone he would not be my DH - I always say life is short enjoy it and it sounds as if you have had enough hell from both of them - I would leave the situation if I were you - your DH screwed you a long time ago when he did not stand by your side but instead sounds like he made his SD his true wife - which seriously reading your blog made me sick to my stomach. Don't try to do anything else to be anything with her - she knows you want a relationship and she is very happy to make you miserable.

freddycatmeow's picture

Thanks Caregiver1127.

Finally, someone gets my side of the situation. You are the first person ever who understands what I've gone through. Thank you very much. I may just have to print out this blog and show to DH.

Think he'll get it, not a chance. The way he sees it is that he and SD only had so much time before she went off to college. Where did that leave me???? Crying my eyes out for MANY years. Why did I marry him? Why does he ignore me so much. Should I leave??? etc.