I am new to these forums, but I have really enjoyed and benefited from reading others posts. Very helpful and informative. Nice to know I am not the only one out there in this situation.

I have been married to a wonderful man for over 8 years. He divorced his first wife when his kids were 18 and 17 years old. The kids were completely shocked at the breakup of their parents marriage, because the wife insisted they not be told the parents were having problems. They were kept completely in the dark. A big mistake, and my DH realizes this now.

I met and married my DH two months after his divorce, and we have been very happy. I was a widow, and so we knew the right questions to ask one another about the really important issues that make a strong marriage. We didn't allow romantic feelings cloud our good judgement.

Over the past years, he has tried to work things out with his kids, and they seemed to be doing OK. They would come to visit, and we would do things together. They really seemed to be enjoying themselves. Then, just one year ago, their real feelings came out. We had been wondering how long this would take, so when it did happen we were not totally surprised. What did surprise us was what they were mad about!

They are upset that their father didn't introduce me to them before we got married. The problem is, their mother would not allow it! She said that she didn't know what type of person I was, and that she had to "check me out" before the kids would be allowed to meet me. Also, SHE had to be there at the meeting. My husband told her this was crazy and refused her demands. We did finally meet one month after our marriage at my DH funeral. The EX came in at the last minute with the kids, and made a BIG SCENE just before the funeral was about to begin. I had spied her waiting at the front door of the funeral home and timing her big entrance just as the funeral was to begin. She rushed over to her ex-MIL and hugged and cried over her. It was a big drama. The other relatives were all watching to see how I would react. I kept my cool and when the EX sat behind us with the kids, I calmly turned around in my seat and introduced myself, and said "I am sorry we had to meet this way, and I was glad to finally meet them." The funeral went on without event.

A few days after the funeral, my DH and I went to his daughers track meet, and his daughter came up to me and began speaking to me. I was talking to her when the EX came swooping up and put her arm around her daughter and steered her away from me as fast as she could - saying "Let's get you some hot cocoa, the weather is cold."

From then on, the battle lines were formed. Ever since then the EX has done all she could to create "parental alienation" between the kids and their father. Every event we are all at, she goes out of her way to draw attention to herself and in doing so makes a fool of herself.

At this point, if you don't wish to read on, you may go to the end of the post for our real quesiton - but the following information will be helpful to read to understand our situation.

At her sons highschool graduation party, she and her two bitter divorced friends sang "I've been cheated, and mistreated...." to the Karaoke machine. She had also made up a poster of pictures of her son, and every photograph with my DH in it, she put a thumb tack through the middle of his forhead or between the eyes. She did't expect us to laugh out loud when we saw it, but it was so obviously passive-aggressive it was funny!

She can't stand it if my husband and I have people pay any sort of attention to us. She will do something to divert their attention. This past weekend at their daughters wedding, when my DH and I were on the dancefloor together, the EX rushed on the floor and began to jump up an down to the music. She is 60 years old, was wearing a long elegant evening dress, and is not slim and trim. So here is this mature woman jumping up and down to song after song, after song. It was interesting to say the least! :O

The kids seem to be totally oblivious to what their mother is up to. They just don't see it. If my DH husband tries to explain an issue he and his EX are having the affects the kids, they don't seem to be able to see that their mother has a part in it. She is going out of her way to create drama.

My husband and I have decided that because of the skids new disresptful behavior towards him and me, that we have tried all we can to work it out, but the kids (especially the daughter) are just not willing to cooperate. There is just too much to tell here in this post, but believe me, we have tried to work it out. So, now we see it as important to set some healthy boundaries with them.

If they decide to want to work it out in the future, we have a question. The main issue they seem to keep having is that they were not able to meet me, and get to know me before my DH married me. They have had plenty of opportunity to get to know me over these past years, but they have been so angry, they said they resisted doing so, because they were so mad. That is THEIR issue, but they are taking it out on me and my DH.

How did you deal with meeting your skids before (or after) you were married? Would it have really mattered if they met me, or is this just an excuse to be mad and disrespectful? Your insight would be helpful.