SHOULD I REPORT ADULT STEP-SON TO POLICE FOR CONFESSED SEXUAL ASSAULT?
In my step-son's first year of college he called his Dad and confessed that he made a big mistake. Step-son (SS) has a long-term GF from high school. SS was at a party and his GF was not there, however, his GF's best girlfriend was there and was by his report, totally wasted. He on the other hand, told his Dad he was completely SOBER all night. She went to an upstairs bedroom alone and basically passed out. He went up to the room she was in and took advantage of her, including penetrating her with his fingers. SS's bi-mom told him to go talk to his college counselor about it. By the time he told his Dad about it, he reportedly had gone to the counselor twice to discuss. I have wondered if this is true, as I would think this would be considered a crime of non-consensual sex and that the counselor may have been a mandatory reporter? We live in Oregon. If he did go, that is all the professional help he received, as we get all medical claims and there have been none for him. He told his GF about it (not sure how much) and they broke up for about two weeks and got back together. They are still together, about two years later. The young lady he confessed to sexually assaulting has never come forward to the police. The confession has always bothered me. I recommended to his Dad to threaten to turn him in if he doesn't get professional help. He recommended he get professional help and he never did. Since then, SS has chosen to not talk to his Dad for the last six months (not due to this incident). Due to bio-mom's working on alienating both of his sons since they divorced about four years ago. It seems to have worked on this son; other son still communicates with him. Recently SS (is now over 20) got a job working with mentally challenged adults in a respite care (24-hour living) setting. I read a lot of true crime and may just be overreacting but I feel like he is totally in a work environment that may give him the opportunity to prey on another female that may be unable to communicate if something should happen. I talked to his Dad about my concerns and he agrees that it is a concern. He told me if I feel I need to report the original confessed sexual assault, to do it anonymously due to if his SS knew I reported it, he would NEVER, EVER talk to me again and chances are, as long as I'm in the picture, he would not talk to his Dad. This is a huge concern for Dad, as Dad misses him very much, since his son refuses to communicate with him at all. By the way, SS's personality would not seem like the type to do something like this. He seems very warm, caring, loving type person. But his actions tell a different story. What would you do in this situation?
Personally, I would stay out
Personally, I would stay out of it. If the victim is aware of what happened, it's up to her to see about reporting it.
I DO see your point about him working around those who might not be able to speak for themselves, but perhaps your SS learned something from the counselors & learned his lesson about what is acceptable.
~*~Cheer up! It could be worse.
I cheered up, & it got worse!~*~
Rape. As you described its
Rape.
As you described its clearly rape and not assault.
Considering that he's getting help, admitted his wrong doing and your position in all of this I'd suggest you stay out of it. With the authorities involved he'll just deny everything "I made it up to impress my pals" and that'll be the end of it.
Hopefully both he and she learned a lesson and frankly I don't see this deserving of 10 years in jail followed by a lifetime of registering as a sex offender. There are plenty who would disagree however.
Well I give him a little
Well I give him a little credit for confessing it, that shows even he was concerned and wondered why he would do that. I think maybe he was not completely sober, and for young guys that have not had a lot of experience with different women, a drunk passed out woman would seem like a dream come true.
I think it was just a situation a little out of control, and he seems like he does not want to be that way, so hopefully he will learn and grow WITHOUT anyone making it bigger than it is. I would NOT report him unless something ELSE happens.
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"What luck for rulers that men do not think."
Adolf Hitler (1889 - 1945)Makes me wonder if his
Makes me wonder if his telling you isn't a form of him bragging and what will happen in the coming years if he has already done this.
What you do is up to you but it sounds to me like you have a rapist inthe making.
Make the call to the
Make the call to the authorities and let the chips fall where they may. He knew what he was doing and it is time for the consequences to come home to roost.
As a care giver he must be held to a higher standard and his disabled clients must be protected.
The statute of limitations may be passed by this time but getting this on the official record of a police report may bring him to the attention of the authorities who can keep an eye on him and his clients.
I agree with your husband that the call should be anonymous. Why throw yourself and your husband in to a shitstorm if you can accomplish the right thing without SS and BM knowing it was you?
IMHO of course.
Best regards,
Success is rarely final. Failure is rarely fatal. It is character, courage and consistency of effort that count. Vince Lombardi (with some minor Rags modifications) To each according to their performance, screw Karl Marx. (Rags)
Find out what the statute of
Find out what the statute of limitations is on this type of thing. It's been a couple of years, and if it is past the limitation, he would not be prosecuted anyway.
Update: Six years.
I would report it. What if it was your daughter?? On the other hand, does the girl know this even happened? If she does, and chooses to not pursue, maybe you should let sleeping dogs lie. Is that wrong of me to say?? It essentially is up to her. You can report it, but if she denies any of it happened, then you created a shitstorm for nothing.
All of your info is hearsay
All of your info is hearsay and not admissible in a court of law. It is the responsibility of the girl that it allegedly happened to report it if it did happen.
I too believe this was at
I too believe this was at least some form of rape. It seems however, that he doesn't have the lack of conscience that a true rapist would have. Maybe it is splitting hairs, but as asked above, is she even aware of the incident? I am not sure that it matters, it DID happen afterall. If she is aware, and has not reported it, she has not done so for her own reasons. This should be respected. He has sought counseling and discussed it with people of value in his life. I don't see him "re-offending". I can't put my finger on why, but I am not sure this is worth a lifetime of registering as a sex offender. Your husband did say "go ahead", but I think there is a risk of him resenting you for it later on. With the information provided, this doesn't scream "sex offender" to me. If this situation were mine, I think I would choose to not report it and pray there is never another victim. In addition, you would always want to remain "aware".