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Reaping the Hell Someone Else Sowed

Heisnotmyson's picture

I have been living with a hate filled - h a t e f i l l e d - rotten teenager for two and a half years. I have had my property damaged, stolen, destroyed, have been constantly called names and have had to parent the father to parent his son lest no parenting but screaming and yelling empty threats that do not correspond with reality persist so that I start to pity the delinquent who just got off probation for assaulting his mother because he turned 18.

This is soo bad because I spent 13 years of my life raising my son in a home where there was peace and no fighting between adults to raise a good kid. I gave up a lot to take care of a son the right way. I got no child support and parented my son appropriately. I got a good result. I got a good son.

I got pregnant by a man with a long standing job and whose wife left him. Everyone I met said this guy was a good guy. I was infertile most of my life and was taking a medication that, I didn't know at the time, caused fertility. So, I was in love and everyone said this was a good man. I married the man after we had our daughter but it was also at that time when the step son came to live with us after his mother had the delinquent arrested for pushing her during a fight they had. The mother gave the delinquent up during the court proceedings, over the assault, and said she didn't want him back. We ended up with the son so the dad wouldn't keep paying a thousand per month in fees plus paying the mother a thousand a month child support for a son she gave up. Once the boy got here, it took two weeks for me to start getting called names and for my property to go missing, property (which is mine) to start getting destroyed and for me to become the evil woman ruining the life of this boy.

Shortly after the boy came, my nice man turned into another person. The man I saw go through hell without loosing it during the divorce from his ex-wife, who everyone called a crazy on a rampage for 10 years, turned into a yelling, screaming maniac who is by far one of the most inept parents I have ever met. The son is rotten and filled with hate. I am parenting both of them. I have a great education, have worldly and personal achievements and now have a beautiful daughter and it is all tainted by the step-son and the man I married that I don't feel like I know any more.


ddakan's picture

If the kid is 18, then why is he still there? Is he about to graduate high school? I think you should get him out asap.

I have hateful ss17. He's been pulling off his mother trying to beat her up, threatened to kill me, he's on drugs, he quit high school. It's awful. Our lives were very pleasant before he moved in. Then he lived with us 2 months and our lives were a living hell. He moved out and everything went back to as sweet and perfect as it was before.

When you have a turd in the room, it stinks up the whole room.

Now ss17 is BMs problem. They are just alike and are the most selfish people I have ever known about on the planet.

SS17 was having a negative effect on ds9. Even ds9 couldn't understand why ss17 was such a giant whiny baby. It boggles the mind!!

Once he's out, I bet DH returns to a recognizable character. The impact of that kind of stress is crippling! I had a lot to forgive when ss17 left, especially from DH for allowing it to happen. I should have gotten a frikin war medal for putting up with that kid.

Heisnotmyson's picture

The boy has no where to go. The mother has abandoned him, not even sending an 18th birthday card. The husband says he wants his son to finish high school or he won't finish. Then, there are hints thrown out that the boy will leave when he can, after getting a job with enough hours. I'm ready to allow everything to fail to get the boy out and try to salvage a marriage and allow the boy to stay until school is out but not after. My health is taking a turn for the worse and I believe it is this home stress.

This husband has lived with this boy's hellish problems all is life. I don't know if the father knows how to live a peaceful life where people in the home care for one another and treat each other civilly and function together cooperatively. I don't think my body can take being dragged into my husband's bad cycle of life that he has thrown me into with this step-devil in the house.

dragonfly5's picture

"Stepparents Reap What Someone Else Sowed".

I just logged in this am and saw these true,
that is how I feel. I am in a home with someone else's children. I am reaping what they sowed, no wonder we cannot relate and sometimes feel overwhelmed. They do not think like us, act like us, react like us. They have been molded by someone else.

I am going to use your quote. It is brilliant. It sums up what I feel 90percent of the time.

Thank you!

Heisnotmyson's picture

Sad and Relieved ------HE LEFT YESTERDAY

The SS left last night after he created a dangerous situation by leaving a serving platter on the top shelf in the kitchen cupboard balancing on a mound he put inside the stack of mixing bowls. So, the oval heavy serving dish came falling from about 7.5 feet above the ground in the spot my daughter usually stands on her step stool and my husband finally realized the danger of his behavior (notwithstanding the fact that we have recently cooked meals in dishes he didn't rinse the dish soap off of). So, he was confronted and replied that it wasn't his fault and cursed us out and said he has no intentions of leaving. He is 18 so he quit school and left, returning the house key. My husband is broken today. I'm relieved and sad at the same time because he needed to finish school but he was tearing everyone apart through the blame game of me being responsible for his bad behavior and me telling his dad how to parent and having to basically make the dad do the parenting.

This young man doesn't have a car, a drivers license, a high school diploma or much more work than one day a week at this local store than he got his first job at over the holidays (just recently). At least he wasn't fired within the first few times working. I'm sad because of the circumstances that he left under. I'm relieved because I was hiding in my room for a year, in my own house, from him because he's verbally abusive if he doesn't like what he hears from someone else's mouth - especially someone in authority. I'm relieved because I don't want to be screamed at and yelled at and called names by a teenage juvenile delinquent.